Are You Willing to Ask for Help?

“Why didn’t you ask for some help?”

“Oh, I didn’t want to bother anyone…”

I can’t tell you how often I hear this from people. In our quest to be independent, self-sufficient, and successful, we often avoid the very thing we most need to do – asking for help. When you find yourself stuck, struggling, overwhelmed, or afraid, what is your first line of action? Do you ask for the help you need or do you say to yourself:

I don’t want to bother anyone…
Everyone is really busy, they couldn’t possible have time to help…
If I ask for help it’ll appear that I can’t do everything on my own and I’m not willing to be that vulnerable…

Well, I’m here to tell you to snap out of it! I’m not suggesting you curl up into co-dependent ball and act helpless. You’re smart, intelligent, and capable. It is this very reason why you need to be able to discern when you need to ask for help and then ASK. Speak Up for goodness sakes!

I have been reminded of this recently in some really personal and heart-wrenching ways. I seem to have an extended family that I love dearly that is really reluctant to ask for help. I’ve seen people suffer in physical and emotional pain because they didn’t want to bother anyone. I even attended a funeral of a loved one who might very well be here today if she would have skipped the “I don’t want to bother anyone” and reached out. Whether your need is physical, emotional, or practical, the people in your circle of personal and professional contacts want to help. That’s right, unless you are the kid crying wolf demanding help at every step, the people who care about you really do want to be there for you. Here’s the catch, they can’t be there for you if you don’t ask. Most people are not mind readers.

I admit that I come from the same gene pool of folks who don’t want to ask for help, but I’ve learned that as independent and strong as I am, I can’t do it all alone. I will totally own the fact that I can still be resistant to accepting help at times (you ought to see me when I have the flu!), but I have learned how to be more open and willing to ask for help when I really need it. It doesn’t have to be a monumental request; sometimes it can be something very simple but infinitely meaningful. People succeed and live meaningful lives because of the connection and support of others. Holds true in all areas of life. Period. End of Story.

Here’s my coach’s request to you…

Just notice if there is anything you have been struggling with that you could really use help with. It may be a practical piece of your business (like updating your website) or as simple as just needing to connect with another human so you feel like you are not alone in whatever situation you find yourself in.
List on a piece of paper at least one thing (big or small) that you could really use help with in the next week.
Go through your list of family, friends, trusted contacts who could provide this help.
ASK them to help.

It’s not rocket science, but it sure feels that big because of all the stories we tell ourselves about what it means if we need help (things like “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll never make it on my own”, “What will others think?”, “Only the weak need help”, etc.). Then the flood of emotions rushes in and we get paralyzed in place. The more we stay stuck the more overwhelmed, panicked, stressed, fearful, angry, and tense we get. Then we repeat the cycle a few more times until we’re on the brink.

Stop the self-sabotage and super-person act, take a deep breath, and then give yourself permission to do the exercise and ask for help. Here’s the thing, not only will you get the thing you need most, but I am willing to bet that in the giving others will benefit as well. I know whenever I get to help someone out I really cherish the opportunity and receive what I most need as well.

Too overwhelmed to even figure out what it is you need most right now? Need help uncovering and overcoming beliefs about asking for help that are holding you back? Simply need some support in giving yourself permission? If so, contact me to schedule a Get Acquainted Call. I would love to meet you and see how I might help… all you need to do is ask and I promise I don’t bite ;-)