Find Your Tribe

"We evolve at the rate of the tribe we are plugged into."
-- Caroline Myss, writer and speaker about spirituality

Did you know that a positive support system you can count on is one of the top tools for success? That holds true whether your goal is new career heights, beating an illness, or navigating difficult life transitions. So why is it that in our hyper busy world we seem to think it is OK to put community on the backburner?

Let me define what I mean by community. Community is the group(s) of people you turn to for ongoing support. Those people you can truly count on to love you unconditionally and hold you accountable for being your best no matter what. Whether you call it your community or think of it as your tribe, it boils down to this: we, as human beings need deep personal connections to live truly fulfilled lives and achieve success on our own terms.

Believe it or not, your mother was right. The people you hang around with are the people who influence you the most. You will tend to rise (or sink) to their level of success and possibility. If you hang around with losers, that loser mentality will rub off on you. If you associate with winners, their inspiration and mindset will pull you forward. When I say "winners" or "losers" it has nothing to do with victory, defeat, money, prestige, or power. It has to do with character, integrity and a desire for ongoing personal growth. Don't be fooled by charlatans that try to tell you to compromise who you are simply to achieve some goal. You don't want people like that in your tribe and you owe it to yourself to be responsible for your own integrity and protective of your reputation.

Have you ever played a sport, studied an instrument, or been deeply engaged in a hobby? If so, you have most likely already experienced the phenomenon of being stretched into greatness by interacting with someone who is more expert than you are at what you're doing. For instance, I am both a cyclist and a musician. When I ride or play with someone who is better than I am, I perform better than I could on my own. I ride faster, longer, stronger; I play bolder and more passionately than I do in my room all alone. What happened? Certainly, I didn't suddenly become instantly more talented at the activity at hand. What did happen is that the other person brought out the best (and more) in me because of who they are.

The same holds true in reverse. Have you ever been in a room full of people complaining up a storm about something? Even if you entered the room in a good mood, you are quickly pulled down to a level of negativity and blame. You get sucked into the power of the group. If you're not careful, you quickly become more like they are and start bitching and moaning right along with them. Rather than focus on a solution or explore possibilities, you simply stay stuck in the mud and muck of the bunch.

Does this mean you have to ditch all your friends and find new people to hang out with? Of course not! We all have a number of different types of relationships - acquaintances, colleagues, friends, family, and deep confidantes. You don't have to abandon your sports buddies to suddenly hang out with a clan of new age personal growth gurus. What it does mean is that you need to consciously and intentionally choose who you spend time with.

Take Action
Make a list of the top 20-30 people in your life with whom you spend the most time. Next to each of them indicate on a scale of 1 (acquaintance) to 5 (deepest friend) the type of relationship you have with this person. Then ask the following questions:

How do I feel when I am with this person? (Inspired, discouraged, bored, etc...)
Does this person tend to see what's possible and positive in a situation? Or, does he/she tend to focus on the negative and list reasons why something isn't possible?
Can I count on this person to celebrate my joys and walk beside me through the disappointing times?
Is this person committed to his/her own personal growth?

Remember that you become who you spend the most time with. Take an honest look at your answers to these questions to determine if you need to make some changes to upgrade the people in your life or set stronger boundaries around your existing relationships to ensure you are spending time with people who root for you to rise to a new level of personal success.