Release your Expectations

As I write this article I am preparing to go to a four day retreat. It is the third time my partner and I have attended the Radical Aliveness retreat and this sacred time and the community of women who attend have come to be an integral part of our lives. This year in addition to participating we are also in charge of the food (9 meals for 12 women over 4 days) and orchestrating all the pieces needed to make that happen. With the memories of past retreats, my own desires for what I might like to have happen, and responsibilities to serve the group, the question then becomes - how do I release fear, expectation, and judgment?

Let’s relate this jam packed night before my retreat energy to something in your personal experience. Have you ever had a big family gathering (holidays, weddings, anniversaries, etc.)? Have you ever taken a trip that had a lot of anticipation around it (traveling to a new country for the first time, honeymoon, first family vacation, etc.)? Can you remember the first day of your very first job? The first day of any new job? Moving to a new city? You get the picture… any event or circumstance that was emotionally charged and that you really want to have go “perfectly”.

Now in the quest to have this something go “perfectly” did you find yourself stressed out, unable to experience it fully, or totally wrecked when and if something did not go according to plan? How did that affect your ability to engage fully in the experience? I know I have certainly had situations where I was so tied to having things look a certain way and go off without a hitch that I look back and cannot even tell you what happened that day! I can’t tell you how many people spend thousands on weddings only to look back and have no recollection of the reception. What fun is that?! I know I have stressed, struggled, planned, and executed until I was thoroughly exhausted and you know what? It would have gone just as well and I would have enjoyed it much more if I just let things flow and gave myself permission to let go of all the self-imposed expectations and judgment. Can you relate?

In Comfortable in Your Own Skin Coaching, one of the secrets I share with audiences and clients is the power of releasing fear, expectation, and judgment. When you’re able to release your death grip on the bar of these often paralyzing emotions you will find your life just opens up to tons of possibilities and success. Good stuff just pours in. While it is not always easy to release the death grip, it is definitely a simple and elegant practice. It consists of:

Feeling what you’re feeling and honoring those emotions
Getting clear on your intentions and what you most want to have happen
Grounding yourself so you can access your wisdom and confidence
Tapping into the courage that is within you (or building that courage muscle) to take action (or saying no to taking something else on your plate)
Accepting the outcome and being ok with what IS

Like I said… it is simple, but not necessarily easy! Yet, I’m here to say there is no one “right way” to do this. If you are able to just get started with the process, it’ll go a long way towards you having much more ease, joy, and happiness while also being tons more effective and successful.

For me I get to practice what I preach once again and learn the lessons even deeper. I notice when and where I am getting bound up in overwhelm, anxiety, or expectation and remember that I can let go of feeling like I need to control things or do it all myself. I put forth my best effort and let go. When I notice myself thinking too much about how the retreat is going to unfold, what is going to happen, or some expected outcome that I want to see take place, I acknowledge my feelings and intentions, take a deep breath, and lean into the unknowing. As in life there are no guarantees, the only constant is change, and I can’t control anything. It’s about showing up fully, being present, and being in the flow. And THAT is a recipe for a powerful and amazing experience whether for a weekend or a lifetime.

Do you find yourself in the death grip of fear, expectation, or judgment? Do you feel like you need to be “General Manager of the Universe” for things to go “right”? Is the pursuit of things being perfect keeping you up late at night, leaving you exhausted, and robbing you of enjoyment? If so, how long do you plan on replaying this same scene? If you’re ready to claim more courage, ease, and success for yourself in 2009, contact me today to set up a Get Acquainted Call … no strings attached…to get started.