What's Stopping You from Doing What You Want?
"When we neglect what matters most to us, that then becomes the matter with us" --Paula Reeves
As I sat down to write this article, I found myself struggling. I was partaking in one of those monkey mind games activities that tend to leave me feeling overwhelmed, self-defeated, and tortured. I found that what I wanted - to write an article that supports you, the reader in living a great life - was pre-empted by the BS and excuses in my head. It got me to asking the question, what's really stopping me from doing what I want? Let me explain…
Even though I've had anywhere from 3-5 different topics in mind to write about for weeks now, I sat down and instantly drew a blank. I thought of at least a dozen excuses as to why each topic wasn't right - too esoteric, too many other experts writing about it, maybe nobody cares about it, etc. Then, I launched into something most people could relate to - Procrastination and Avoidance at All Costs. I thought about how I wanted to do just about anything but write. Maybe even clean the cat box for kicks. Finally, I started negotiating with my monkey mind attempting to convince myself that maybe later would be a better time to write.
While a whiny few hours of procrastination can occasionally be cathartic, if you allow your made-up negative beliefs to run your days you most definitely will find yourself struggling to get what you really want and missing out on spending time on the things that matter most to you.
From my own experience and that of working with my clients, I have found there are 5 common reasons that keep us from doing what we want:
Lack of Energy
There is no such thing as time management. There are 24 hours in
the day regardless of who you are. There is only energy management.
That is, managing your personal energy (physical, mental, and emotional)
on a day to day and long term basis. Nothing can be more devastating
to your plans for doing what matters most to you, whether it is
creativity, spending time with loved ones, or simply having fun,
than lack of energy. Have you ever had a long day at the office
where you came home brain dead, dragged your body through the door,
and just couldn't deal with anything or anyone? If you have, then
you know what it is like to put what matters to you on the back
burner because you just don't have it in you to be present in the
moment and act alive.
Fear of Success/Failure
The list of fears people have around doing what matters most to
them could fill pages. Afraid of success: what happens if I get
what I want? What then? Or, fear of failure - what if it doesn't
work out? What will I make that mean about me? When you let this
negative, fearful brain chatter exist in your head and start listening
to it, it is guaranteed to keep you paralyzed and out of action
because it is just too darn scary. The reality is, we will all succeed
and fail along the way. Inevitably we will experience both. So,
drop the "What if?" game, and summon the courage to take
action and walk alongside your fears.
Lack Confidence
Regardless of how much success you may have had in the past, a new
endeavor or even setting boundaries for things that matter to you
can wreak havoc on your self-confidence. Confidence comes from within.
It is not something you can buy, borrow, or steal. It can only come
with trusting and self-care. If you know you can count on yourself
no matter what, it is much easier to take risks and rely on your
self-confidence because your foundation (what you believe about
yourself) is solid.
Afraid of Losing Control
Control is an illusion. As a recovering control freak, I should
know. We can't control anything in life any more than we can wrap
our hands around and make a tight fist around Jell-O. In fact, losing
control is almost always a precursor to creativity. A stand-up comic
has to be willing to give up control over whether a joke will make
an audience laugh in order to have the confidence to get up on stage.
A musician must be willing to let go of her baby (a new song) in
order to see if it'll resonate with others. A writer must be willing
to let the words flow regardless of whether or not someone ever
reads or is affected by their words.
Worried What Others Will Think
I once heard a quote from somewhere that what others think is none
of my business. We tend to spend so much time worrying what others
are thinking about us that it would come as a shock to realize just
how little other people are actually thinking about us. They are
too busy thinking about themselves and their life to be concerned
about us. Anything worth doing in this lifetime - whether it is
building a new business or spending quality time with those you
love - is bound to upset someone. Not everyone is going to like
you so you may as well get over that right now. I say that as someone
who took a while to realize that little tidbit for herself. Don't
let what you perceive someone else might think of you or your efforts
stop you from living your best life and realizing your dreams.
The power to have what you want is in your hands…what's stopping
you?
