As you’re racing about your day, do you stop for beauty when you see it?  The proverbial “stop and smell the roses”? It may sound trivial, but if you want to feel alive and confident in your business then it pays to hit the breaks, take a detour, and gaze at cool stuff once in a while.

The other morning as I was working at my desk in the early morning, the rose I had in a vase (courtesy of a speaking engagement over the weekend!) was suddenly magically illuminated by the sun rising over the trees.  The photographer in me got very excited at this back lightning opportunity and lunged for my camera.  Then I started playing with angles, and sunshades, and random, quick things I could do to get a better shot.  The whole escapade lasted maybe five minutes maximum.  By then the sun had risen just a bit more and the magic lighting was not as intense.

This little fun detour made my morning.  There was fun, a burst of energy, and just a deep gratitude for the beauty in little gifts.  Sometimes as entrepreneurs we need these itty bitty signs of hope to keep walking the path to bring our work to the world.  In fact I’d say most of us, no matter what our profession need these magical moments to add a bit of juice to our day, to our very being.

So, when they happen to you – do you stop to enjoy the magic or do you just walk on by?  After all there’s so much to-do!  Gotta go, gotta hurry, gotta be somewhere!  I’m here to tell you that no one’s success was every sabotaged by taking a deep breath and marking the moment. By enjoying a moment in the day that speaks to you.  Enjoying magical moments are the perfect way to bring more energy and creativity to your life and business.  Don’t miss them… they pass far too fast.

So last week I joined a new gym and this week I hired a personal trainer.  Yes it shocked even me.  Not because it’s not my thing, but because I am already a  consistent, disciplined exerciser.  I love to exercise and am a 5-6 day a week person (or more) consistently, all the time, rain or shine, etc.  So why the shift and new investment?  And, why now?

Well, simply because I always tell my clients – “your best thinking got you where you are, and you need someone else’s guidance to get you somewhere new”.  It’s time for something new for me.  I’ve been bored maintaining my routine for 2.5 years since I got laid off and it is time to shake things up a bit.  I loved, loved, loved when I had a trainer, a gym, and a program when I worked my day job.  In fact some of those fitness instructors were the absolute best – innovative, fun, creative, and reliable.  I miss it.  Not to mention working from home not only eliminated my daily commute but also eliminated all that collateral movement I had built into each day.  Walking from the car to the building, up the stairs, up and down all day long, over to the gym, down for coffee, etc.  Now I wander down my one flight of stairs to my office and shuffle back and forth to the water and tea pot.  Not exactly the calorie burn one might like.  10,000 steps a day?  Very damn funny…

Today I did their little fitness baseline. I have to say in the past I would’ve used the numbers (albeit some are some canned computer program that like most standardized tests are, well, totally skewed and irrelevant to certain individuals) to beat myself up. After all, I feel fit, I can go cardio for a long darn time.  I put in 1,500 miles on my bike last year, etc.  Yet some of the number just don’t lie.  It’s time to burn some more calories and work muscles that I have been missing with my regular routine.  There’s a reason we hit plateaus and get stagnant.  While confidence is my expertise, the area of my body has always been perhaps my least confident area.   I’m leaps and bounds ahead of where I was at one time, but truthfully it is still an area I need to self-coach myself a lot.  It’s a vulnerable spot for me. Yet today I felt far different than ever before.  I’m not emotionally charged by any of it (other than excited for a new challenge).  I also immediately gave myself full permission to use all the resources and knowledge at my disposal from working with integrative nutritionists and other health professionals to make my own choices about what I do or do not do.  A little software program is not going to suddenly be smarter than me.

Unfortunately, for many women this is not the case. They give up their power to someone or something else and then just feel badly about themselves.  This does nothing to help you feel confident, comfortable in your own skin, and ready for success in your business and life.

So I invite you to choose differently.  Gather information, make new choices outside your comfort zone, invest time and money in your well-being, and then totally embrace the you that is before you right here, right now.

Check out some other great stories on making this fitness leap:

• Getting in Shape – Hiring a Personal Trainer
• 6 Ways to Hold Yourself Accountable to a Fitness Routine
• Set, Reach, Surpass

I’ll be sure to let you know just how sore I am after my first few sessions!

Photo by: Flickr

Holidays can be crazy times.  The weeks leading up to it can be a frenzy of additional things to do on top of already busy schedules. Yet, no matter what holidays you celebrate this time of year, Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Solstice, or simply celebrating the turning of the year, the whole point is for it to be meaningful.   The real reason for the season is deep meaning and connection with yourself and others.

With that in mind, here are 5 ways you can make this holiday season more meaningful (and frankly more enjoyable) for you and those you love.

1)    Tone Down the “Stuff”

Much of the holiday stress has to do with stuff.  What do I buy as a gift?  How much food do I need?  Just how many dozen cookies do we need for our dinner?  What about all the lights? The tree?  The inflatable snowman?  With each question and to-do your stress level rises.

You don’t have to give up all the “stuff”, just tone it down a bit.  In an economic year that has many scraping the bottom of the piggy bank, there is no real point to causing you more grief by starting 2010 deep in debt because of twinkling lights and trinkets.  Take a deep breath and remember that what matters most is showing up – for yourself and others and being yourself.  It has little to do with any particular “thing” and certainly has even less to do with a price tag.

2)    Work in Down Time

Paradoxically your holiday will be more meaningful if you selectively choose the activities you do rather than trying to do it all.  Who hasn’t rushed to get to the holidays, hit them like a brick wall, ran hither and yon, and then arrived at the New Year like a tattered old toy?  This year vow to create some down time in your plans.  It can be a little or a lot…just make sure it includes time for you to take a deep breath, relax, and drink in the moment.  Believe me; it’ll be gone before you know it.

3)    Make Choices that Serve You

The holidays are the perfect and socially acceptable excuse to make choices you’ll regret later – that 5th martini, the multiple heaping plates of food, and cookies till the cows come home.  I know I sound like a billboard but choose responsibly.  Indulge, of course!  What is life if you can’t enjoy it?  Just do so in moderation so you don’t use unconscious choices made in December to beat yourself up with for the next three months.

4)    Choose Experiences Over Things

A glut of material stuff is what the holidays can easily become, at least in the United States.  My rule for living, and not just at holiday time, is to choose to have an experience rather than a thing.  That means creating a life and not a lifestyle.  You can’t take your stuff with you but you can always carry the experiences you have and person you’ve become with you on your journey.  People don’t remember what you get for them or the things you own, they remember how you make them feel and who you really are.

5)    BE – With Yourself and Others

Make the radical decision to be present with yourself and others this holiday.  Drop the multi-tasking and spend time truly listening to one another.  Enjoy the way your special someone smiles or moves.  Savor a hug from your Mom and Dad or other ones you hold dear.  Hold yourself with the same love and affection.  Drink it all in because in the end you’ll reap far more dividends from being present and enjoying the moments you have together than any other thing you can do.

With that – I leave you to disconnect from the myriad of to-do and wish you a wonderful few weeks!

This weekend I had the privilege of speaking at the Bucks County Day for All Women event on the topic of Self Care as a Priority to Succeed.  You see, we blow off self-care as being unimportant but that is like saying the foundation of your building doesn’t matter.  Eventually it’ll leave you in the lurch.  We use all sorts of excuses for not practicing self-care.  On this recording my audience shares a number of them. Things like:

• Not enough time
• Worry about money
• Fear
• Guilt

But… I let them in on the REAL secret behind why we don’t practice self-care.  Hear this 7 minute snippet from that part of my 75 minute talk.

Then, if you want to get more of this secret ingredient in your life — sign up for my free eCourse to start building your own reserve of _________. (see you have to listen to the audio to find out, thought I’d let the cat out of the bag, didn’t you!)

Have you ever thought about an act of self-care as being just a little too luxurious?  Maybe the thought of going on vacation fully disconnected from the wired world and your job/business as something of an unachievable luxury?  Moments of quiet in a busy day, time to relax, have fun, exercise, and just drink deep from the cup of life…again too much of a luxury?  Well, what if these very things you deem as a luxury are in fact the very lifeblood of living a full and meaningful life?

I was reading The Luxury Travel Mom’s post “there is no synonym for luxury” and was intrigued by the dictionary definition of the word:

According to the dictionary luxury is defined as “something inessential but conducive to pleasure and comfort”.

Inessential is one word that stood out for me as did pleasure and comfort.  So often people mistakenly associate the essential need for self-care as a luxury.  Actually caring for our needs and living aligned with our values is essential if you want to live a life of meaning and make your unique contribution to the world.  It’s not a bad idea if you want to stay healthy, free of dis-ease, and able to perform at your best as well.  I might also add that a little true luxury by definition here and there is also quite good for the soul.

One of my more popular articles from years ago is R & R – Luxury or Lifeblood? It was inspired by an insipid comment by one of my co-workers at the time. They thought I lived some crazy luxurious life because I liked to travel a few times a year and chose to fully disconnect while I was there.  Personally I think they were simply projecting their own feelings of desperation and loss at not being able to set boundaries around their own time and make powerful choices in their own life for whatever reason.  I wasn’t about to feel guilty about making choices that served my highest good and fed my soul.  There’s a reason and need for vacation and I take it seriously.  Remember “Sharpen the Saw” from the Covey 7 Habits?

So – how about you?  Are you able to engage in the self-care you need to be at your best or are you tossing it aside as an indulgence or luxury? Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments…

Overwhelm. Who hasn’t experienced it? For many, especially if you own your own business, it can be a daily occurance.  You know the feeling — there is oh so much on the to-do list and I need to remember this and oh yeah I forgot about that how will I get it all done — barrage of thoughts.  When this flood of ego-mind thoughts come rushing in it is often referred to as monkey mind.

I was recently reading one of Jack Kornfield’s books after my morning meditation practice and there was a paragraph that described the intense rush of thoughts and emotions as being akin to a monkey swinging wildly from branch to branch in a lush rainforest.  I smiled at that image and thought to myself that when I am in overwhelm it is like a whole pack of monkeys going wild through the forest of my mind.

The #1 best thing you can do to overcome overwhelm and get more done is to STOP. That’s right, counterintuitive as it may be, stopping is the starting point for taming the beast and regaining a sense of calm, control and effectiveness.  Then you need to get clear on what is really going on in your mind and body and what you do and do not want.

Nat at Prosperity Lighthouse has an excellent post on the 5 Steps to Getting Beyond Procrastination.  In it he details the steps of one of the key systems I use myself and with my clients to  overcome overwhelm as well as a wide variety of challenges.    Here’s an important snippet from his article:

The next step is to identify what you do want. Most people don’t know what they want; therefore, they continue to attract what they don’t want.  By identifying what you want, you are given a different focal point, rather than staying in the energy of what you don’t want.  Whatever you focus on is what you get, so it is better to be clear on what you want so you attract more of that!

The next step is to ask yourself is “How will I feel once I have what I want?” The reason you want to become clear on how you will think you will feel is because ultimately this is what you wanted to feel in the first place.  By tapping into these feelings, you are tapping into the energy that will carry you through the process.

Who actually wants to feel overwhelmed right?  Yet we quickly and often plunge into a pool of overwhelm and can’t seem to get out.  By stopping, bringing light to what IS happening and then making a conscious shift to what you DO want allows you to shift from victim of overwhelm to creator of your own experience in just moments.

If you are an overwhelmed Mom and entrepreneur, check out the Prosperity Lighthouse 6 week tele-program led by Julie Mele that is designed just for you.   You receive $50 off if you sign up by June 3rd.  Put Paula G in the “referred by” box to let them know I sent you! Learn more and register: http://www.ProsperityLighthouse.com/moms

When I coach people around self-care their initial reaction is “but I can’t because I’ll feel guilty, and my kids need me, and my partner needs me…”. Then I ask – But if you don’t take care of YOU, how will you have anything to give them?

Women especially feel extra guilty about taking time for self. They see it as selfish. Selfish has gotten a bad wrap! It has gotten associated with self-absorbed which is an animal of another color.

As I see it selfish as defined as “taking care of yourself”. It is actually one of the most selfless things you can do. It is a gift to give to those you love because when you are at your peak…you can be present and give of yourself to them 100%.

How many times do you find yourself being half-present for whatever you are doing? Maybe you’re at your kids sporting or other event but find yourself tapping away on your blackberry and taking cell phone calls. Perhaps you are taking a stroll with your partner but find yourself ruminating over 100 things from at work. Do you ever feel guilty about that? Most don’t even realize they are doing it and certainly don’t feel guilty rationalizing “you gotta do what you gotta do”.

What if…for just a month…you tried out putting yourself first. Maybe 15 minutes of quiet in the morning and another 15 at night. An hour or two just for you once a week. A date night with your partner so you can connect and re-member why you make a great couple.

Let’s face it – raising a family is a yeoman’’s task for anyone. For LGBT families it can require navigating a ton of added obstacles – medical, legal, financial, emotional, societal. That is all the more reason in our community we need to celebrate each other when we carve out time for ourselves. Kids really do sense what is going on beneath the surface in all of us. They are super perceptive. The best gift you can give them and yourself is to be a model for them since actions speak louder than words.

So, my coach’s request for all you LGBT parents out there reading this article is to put yourself on your calendar – today and everyday. It may very well be the most important thing you can do to help your family thrive and to cultivate living in a way that allows you to feel comfortable in your own skin.

Check out all the Blogging for LGBT Families Day at Mombian.

I’m still basking in my trip to the NCAA Women’s Basketball Final Four in Tampa, Florida and will have a variety of insights to write about in the coming days. One comment that was made on ESPN as I was watching games leading up to the Final Four was about an opposing player commenting about what a swagger Candace Parker the star player for Tennessee Lady Vols has. Well you know what — on her the swagger works and is totally authentic.

I’m sure you’ve seen people who have a strut and an air about them that seems so arrogant, pompous, and fake, right? Well, that’s because it doesn’t fit who they are. If you’re trying to swagger and you don’t have the goods, well, you look like a jerk and other people try to avoid you (or mock you) at all costs. That holds true whether your domain is the basketball court or the boardroom. If your presence, personality, and the way you carry yourself doesn’t match who you really are… you appear fake and contrived. Not to mention, I bet you don’t feel very comfortable in your own skin either because you’re attempting to hold up a facade.

In this case, though, I found her whole swagger to be quite appealing. I had the chance to watch her fairly up close and personal in the practices and public sessions and while she has a huge presence, it just feels 100% authentic. I mean she’s basically the Michael Jordan of women’s basketball for goodness sakes. And, she’s a very intelligent, well-spoken leader and team player. She carries herself with a lot of poise, authenticity, and confidence. The little swagger strut that comes with it just works because it fits – her stature and talent on and off the court.

How about you? Is the way you carry and present yourself congruent with who you really are? Give it some thought, ask yourself how you feel in your own body, and ask a few trusted friends… It’s worth noticing if you show up as the real deal of who you are and what you’re about. Your ability to succeed on your own terms depends on it — I’d even bet my coveted Final Four souvenirs and photos on it!

I am dyed in the wool cat person. It’s not that I don’t like dogs, I really do. Some of them have really won their way into my heart. At the end of the day, though, I am all about felines and can think of nothing better than a cat to curl up to. That’s why I am amazed at how much fun a little puppy love can be and how good it can be for the soul.

The other day when I was up at Columcille, I was hiking up the hill toward the circle of stones when I saw the founder Bill standing in the middle of the circle seemingly preoccupied with something on the ground. As I got closer I realized it was the cutest little puppy I ever did see. Immediately my mood shifted from contemplative and a little down to instant joy, silliness, and fun. The little guy whose name is Lochae (pronounced Lock-a with a long “ay”) is the new canine on the land. He is a white and gray Border collie mix. You see the land has always had border collies but I only knew them as adults. And, while I loved Lance and Duke, I never got to know them from their first arrival only after they already made the place and its stones their own. This little guy, however….

I can’t tell you what great medicine for the spirit and a big smile inducer hanging out with this little guy was as we walked around. He is in that 8 week old puppy stage where he runs and frolics but has issues with his rear chassis fishtailing like a sports car in a snowstorm. He digs, he nips, and everything is a glorious new world. He loved me and the smell of my 2 cats on my hiking boots for sure.

What I loved most about the experience is the knowing that as humans we can be youthful at any age. Bill recently turned 80 but he looked about ten years old as he played with the puppy and gave his new furry companion a tour of the land. I had to laugh at the irony of it all especially because he would often tease me that – “once you get to be my age even green bananas are a long-term commitment”. Of course anyone who spends time with him knows that age is only a number when you have a youthful spirit, love, and a vision.

So, if you’re in a slump or just need a little pick me up – go pet a cat, a dog or another critter of your liking. If you can’t take on the responsibility of owning one, borrow neighbors’, volunteer at a shelter, or go dog watching in your local park. I guarantee you’ll feel better and learn something new from these great furry teachers.

Over the last few weeks I have really had a great time connecting and re-connecting with great people in my life. It is funny but I used to think that connecting with others had to look a certain way. It had to be a quantity thing or a close proximity thing or even a shared circumstance situation. Yet, what I’ve really been learning over the last few years is that none of these need be true to have a true connection. Time, space, distance, or shared circumstances need not apply.

Last month, I had the distinct pleasure of meeting one of my coaches who I worked with for about 2 years. I first found Leah Grant when she was an instructor of mine at Coach U. The experience she brought to the table and our connection sealed the deal and I ended up working with her one on one around the area of my business. In fact I am still working with her as I prepare for my ACC certification through the International Coach Federation. Long story short, she was in the Philadelphia area for a scrapbooking conference (yes she is a crazy multi-talented one just like I am – check out her Stylish Scrapper site) and we met for dinner at a local mexican restaurant.

For anyone who doubts the ability to truly connect with someone via telephone (which is how I both coach my clients and work with my own coaches) all I can say is you don’t know until you try it. When we met in person we connected and found each other instantly in the bar waiting area. My experience has been that energetically it is just a match whether you’re in person or over the telephone. We spent the night eating, hanging out, catching up, and sharing a lot of laughs over a few margaritas. (Note: I was planning a great picture to share and post on the blog, but the digital photo our waiter took is truly awful. The lighting, angle, and background make us look tremendously blurry and downright fun-house scary. Bummer!)

During our vacation travels in July Kim & I invoked the powers of spontaneous gathering. On our way through Maine we called a woman from our January retreat and as luck would have it were able to connect for a most wonderful lunch on her garden patio. Then, on the way back I got a phone call from a dear coach friend from New Hampshire. In a matter of a few phone calls we managed to plan a rendezvous for breakfast in Ogunquit at Amore Breakfast which I loved so much from a previous trip years ago. These unplanned connections really reinforced for me that it truly is worth the effort to reach out on the spur of the moment. If things don’t work out, no problem, but wow how great when they do! No agonizing over details, logistics, or other nonsense. Simply a chance to connect in person.

Sometimes planning is the only way to make it happen as another dinner in July pointed out to me. I met someone at my day job a few years ago and realized we both went to King’s College at the same time. As we got to be friends and work on some extracurricular projects at our day job together we kept saying it’d be great to get together for wine or dinner especially since she was my partner Kim’s roommate for a few months. Well, it took us a few years but in July we finally got to do dinner. It was a total blast and well worth the fact that we had to plan the date months in advance. Another reminder that sometimes you just have to book it in the calendar if you want to make it happen.

Last but certainly not least a brief email exchange with my oldest and dearest friend resulted in a last minute visit that was so satisfying. My friend Kath & I have been friends since around the 2nd or 3rd grade. We both possess photos of us in really bad 70’s children clothing doing weird things like twister games at kids parties. We’ve been through all kinds of stuff together and while we don’t see each other often (sometimes years pass), we can pick up just as intimate and connected as we were the last time we were together. Money just can’t buy joy and love like that. So that is why it was awesome that in a matter of 2 email exchanges we got together for an impromptu Saturday dinner at my place. A day worthy of uncorking the “save it for a special occasion” wine and just chilling on the deck. It reminded me again of the blessings in spontaneity and reminded both of us that it is truly ridiculous not to get together more often when we don’t live very far away from each other (~ 45 minutes to 1 hour in traffic).

So what is the point of this big long personal story? My point is – just do it. Connect with those you love and care about. Pick up the phone, be spontaneous, plan it weeks in advance if you must but just do it. The connection and joy you get from these moments far outweigh the logistics and are far more pressing and important than an additional item on your to-do list. Summer is drawing to a close in a few weeks — take the opportunity to re-fill your well with the blessing of connecting.