Sometimes I just take life too plain seriously. Other times the seriousness of those around me makes me nuts. That’s why I insert some plain silliness into my day now and then. Luckily (or not) for my partner, our neighbor’s son (who is 10) bought me some really cool toys for my birthday back in December. The toy culprit in question which Kim is convinced is taking years off of her life is our beloved screaming monkey.

This monkey is built with heavy rubberbands, fur, a noisemaker (the screaming part), and a lovely orange cap with a visor and tails. You can get a sense of what he looks like in this photo. How he works (and indeed the 10 year old needed to instruct me on this…I’m not the most mechanically inclined person, at least not on the first try) is that you stick your fingers in his front feet, pull back on his hind legs (like you’re going to fire a projectile) and then point him at your intended destination, and let go. He flies through the air and once he hits something he starts screaming in a loud “waaaah waaaah waaaaah” screech. It is a cross between a scream, cackle, and something I can’t put my finger on.

He is a great deal of fun because I can use him randomly to scare the hell out of Kim. I may be working quietly in my office when I get the urge to stir things up. So, I’ll ready, aim, and fire the monkey into the kitchen where she’s cleaning. Scares the heck out of her, and she is convinced I’m taking years off her life or that I’ll give her a heart attack yet. But in the end, it is just plain funny (and I think she agrees, at least once she catches her breath and her heart stops pounding). Of course, our household is not without revenge and she’s gotten me back on more than one occasion. I, too, am having the pants scared off of me.

So, what does this silly, childish activity I’ve been engaging in have to do with being more successful or having a great life? Well, it has to do with simply being silly. Playing for the fun of playing, and using your imagination to lighten things up and laugh a bit throughout the day. You’d be amazed at how good it feels to simply take a break and be goofy. We’re all busy women working hard to achieve our dreams and goals. And, focus and commitment are key to being successful. Yet, sometimes it is the act of being purely silly just for the fun of it that can get your creative juices flowing, lower your stress, and free you up from the grind. The good news is it doesn’t take long to do and doesn’t cost much (if any) money.

When was the last time you engaged in being just plain silly?

Are you willing to get just a little silly the next time you find yourself stressing out or taking things a little too seriously?

It has been busy in my world the last month or so. Yesterday (Halloween) was just about the most perfect weather you could order in Southeastern PA. So, I decided to chuck it all, take a vacation day and clear my calendar. There is nothing better than a hike in the woods and a chance to marvel at the fall migration of hawks at Hawk Mountain Sanctuary to soothe the soul. Top it off with some Halloween play time at the neighbor’s haunted display and it makes for a perfect autumn day. So, why am I telling you all this?

Well, sometimes you just have to take an unscheduled break in the middle of the busyness to simply regroup and enjoy the moment. Do I hear you saying, “…but I can’t….I’m too busy…the work I do is too important….my boss needs me…I’d feel guilty doing something so selfish…”? If so, you sound like most of the planet, at least in the stressed out, overdone metropolitan areas in the Northeast which is about all I have personal experience with. Let me ask you this… if you dropped dead tomorrow, what then? Would you feel guilty about dying and leaving work projects undone? Probably not, that’s what I thought.

Why then do we as women seem to be so hung up on not taking a break? Is it the straight world “superwoman” mentality? Is it because we are achievement oriented women who can only feel like we matter if we’re generating nonstop stellar results? Have we simply forgotten how to disconnect and have fun? Perhaps it is all of these and more…

While I can’t convince you that you’re worth it and deserve a play day now and then (only you can do that), what I can do is share with you a little of what gifts this last minute fun day provided me.

Uninterrupted time with my partner
We are usually so busy (especially with me working a day job and building my business) that quality time gets relegated to the weekends. Well, there are 5 days during the week and 2 (2 1/2 if you consider Friday night) on the weekend. You do the math and see who is getting shortchanged here.

Extended time in nature
I love being out in nature. If you’ve read my other posts and newsletters (Keys to Happiness: A Canadian Rockies Recap, 7 Habits of Highly Effective Wildlife) you know I thrive with my outdoor adventures and that the lessons to be found there are limitless.

A mirror into how I treat myself
Parts of the trail were extremely rocky and I found my knees and ankles hurting and I kept tripping over things. I was frustrated, annoyed, and pissed off at myself and my body. At one point I launched into a mental pity party and started to have a mini meltdown throwing my Hawk Mountain Sanctuary to soothe the soul. hiking poles on the ground. Interesting thing is — nature doesn’t really give a crap. It just IS. The only real change that could happen would be for me to shift my thinking and messages I gave myself (which I eventually did).

Disconnecting and Re-connecting
There is nothing like being in the woods, watching the hawks and the wildlife to let me disconnect entirely. No email, blogs, cell phones, telephones, or meetings. Just me and the moment. While I did see someone hiking and talking on the cell phone (excuse me, but why bother?!?!?), for me the trail is a sacred space and a place to just BE.

A good tired
Unlike my mental treadmill that goes on every day, this day resulted in a good tired. A day spent physically exerting myself, breathing fresh air, soaking up the sun, and having deep conversations and connections with my partner Kim. The end of the day comes with a “good tired” and a deep, replenishing sleep.

Granted, today it is back to the regular routine and plenty of work. However, I truly believe these mini vacations are crucial if you are planning on being your creative best and wildly successful. I always come back from them energized, inspired, and able to be much more productive than I would otherwise. No one has ever been inspired by someone on the brink of collapse or someone who lives like a martyr; what makes you think you should live that way?

When did you last take a mini-vacation free of guilt and life’s daily routine? If it has been more than a few weeks, I challenge you to plan one in the next few weeks. You won’t regret it.

If you’ve been reading along, you know that I recently vacationed in the Canadian Rockies spending time playing in Banff and Jasper National Parks. It was a fabulous time and only reinforces my belief in the value of getting away from the grind, disconnecting, and truly taking a vacation in every sense of the word. It is not only an amazingly enriching and fulfilling thing to do but I know I have come back with extra juice, energy, and inspiration to throw at my dreams and goals.

While we’ve taken many really awesome trips, what was different about this one was our approach and intentions. In the past we’d either have ourselves planned to within an inch of our sanity or have a long list of “must-see’s” that filled our minds. We would find ourselves constantly looking at the clock and planning our next move, not always enjoying what we actually were doing at that moment. This time we had a general sense of things we wanted to do and then just made it up as we went along. Every day we came up with a plan for the day and then let it go. If it changed, that was ok. If the weather didn’t cooperate, we had a Plan B. If we changed our minds or weren’t in the mood, we’d do something different. And when all was said and done, we not only did a lot of really amazing things (like paddle 28 km round trip on Maligne Lake, the second largest glacial lake in the world) but truly immersed ourselves in whatever we were doing in the moment.

This approach we had to our trip can hold clues to experiencing more fulfillment and success in every day life too. The keys?

Set a Clear Intention

Be clear about what you really want. In our case we wanted an enjoyable, inspiring, and truly satisfying experience in this beautiful location filled with natural gems. We knew we wanted to be active yet not be ready to fall over at the end of the day. We also knew we wanted to do a variety of activities and I wanted to have some focused time with my photography. Get clear on what you want from each day as well as from the big picture long term.

Plan

Yes I am someone who likes to plan. Sometimes I get more anal about the details than other times. Like it or not, though, no matter what you want to do some degree of planning is involved. As the saying goes, “A failure to plan is a plan to fail.” A plan doesn’t have to be elaborate — one day we just woke up and said, let’s rent bikes and at some point in the day end up at the Banff Springs Hotel. That wasn’t exactly project planning 101, but it worked. We put on the right clothes, packed some stuff, rented bikes, and got a map. The rest is, well a humorous tale for another time, but bottom line is we had a lot of fun.

Let Go

This is perhaps the most important and yet most difficult thing to do. Once you get an idea of what you want and clearly take steps to make it happen, then you need to let it go. Let go of the expectation of what it has to be or look like. This was probably the most important new element to our approach. In the past we’d want something & then be married to the weather having to be a certain way, the timing being just so, and everything having to be perfect. This time we just went with the flow. For instance, we set out on our Maligne Lake paddle just to be on the water and see how far we got. The person who rented us the kayaks explained that Spirit Island is 14 km one way from the boat house. Spirit Island is the destination of the scenic cruise boats that many people take each day. We thought…hmmmm.. think we can paddle that far and still get back without being miserable and dead tired? So we headed out with the intention of getting to the island but being totally OK with not making it that far (It was a whole new mindset for us). After all every minute was so mind-numbing beautiful it was like spending a day in paradise. In the end we did get there (and back) but I believe it was being OK with not reaching the destination that made all the difference in our attitudes and enjoyment that day (even with our back and shoulder muscles burning like hell…but it’s a GOOD TIRED!! )

Be Open to Change

Sometimes things don’t go as planned: trails get closed, weather changes, and bodies can ache. In spite of the best laid plans, “stuff happens”. On our flights out we were just dying to get there already. Having worked all day and taken an evening flight it was already going to be late (midnight M.S.T) for us since we’re on EST. While catching our connecting flight in Denver, the whole schedule went to pot. Mechanics in the cockpit are never a good sign. After much ado, we did end up flying out but never got to Calgary until about 1:30 am MST (that’s 3:30 am EST and I’m too old for all-nighters). A little cranky, yes, but we were open to whatever transpired and it significantly lowered the “bitch factor” while allowing the “stuff happens” to not get in the way of our having a good time.

Savor the moment

It all comes down to this. Right now, this very moment is all that any of us really ever have. If you’re not in the moment, then you’re not really anywhere at all. You can’t touch the past or reach toward the future, you can only stand solid in the right here, right now. This time rather than spend our days thinking about some artificial schedule or worrying about what’s next, we just enjoyed the moment. Whether it was sucking wind as we hiked up the Plain of 6 Glaciers trail or swirling and savoring the bouquet of a fine wine at The Post Hotel, we were fully present to each other and our experiences. It doesn’t get any richer or better than that.

Whether you’re on the trail, at the beach, hanging with friends, or in the heart of your professional life these keys can make a difference in the level of happiness and fulfillment you experience each day.

Let’s face it, in today’s world it seems people equate taking vacation, taking a break, and disconnecting from work as slacking off. Like it or not, that is the perception out there. What’s missing, though are the cold hard facts that restful time off and a varied, fulfilling, and rich life actually result in more personal and professional effectiveness and productivity, not less.

Where did you get your last best idea? Was it on schedule in your desensitized cubicle chamber? Was it while you were toiling away in your home office? I doubt it. Most likely it was while you were in the shower, taking a walk, working out, on vacation, or enjoying wine and dinner with a friend. It is impossible to innovate and create on demand and under the gun. So, why do big business and many small business owners still equate # of hours with productivity?

In a recent Worthwhile Magazine article called “The Secret to Success: Work Less” Anita Sharpe poses some great questions:

Taking time off is still too often equated with slacking off. How many of you honestly think you can go away for two weeks and

a.) not check email even once

b.) not be called a single time by your office or a client

c.) not be a little concerned if you could completely disappear for two weeks and no one really missed you?

How about you? Can you honestly say yes to these 3 questions? I know I can, and will be saying a big YES to them next week while I am exploring Alberta, Canada. As much as I am passionate about building my business, I know that no one in this world is indispensable, and I deserve to have play time to just BE, enjoy nature, and connect deeply with my partner. She and I can thoroughly attest to the benefits of disconnecting completely and escaping to a great environment which is why we love to do it at least several times a year.

Sharpe references a previous article “Work Less, Achieve More” by Margaret Heffernan. In this earlier article Heffernan talks about Michael Eisner’s fall from grace at Disney.

The most bizarre achievement of which Eisner boasts: that, in 28 years of hard labor in the entertainment industry, he only took one week off ever.

Do you know someone who would find this bizarre achievement laudable? Is that someone you? Was it ingrained in you by your family, mentors, or bosses that anything less than working yourself to death meant being a failure?

If you believe these messages and clichés (“you snooze, you lose” or “idle hands are the devil’s workshop”) that get handed down and lived out before your very eyes you will find yourself working into burnout and dis-ease even if you keep saying what you want is a more fulfilling life or time off to enjoy life.

So, what can you do? My advice is to simply buck the trend. Even if everyone is working 15 hours a day, you don’t need to. It is like the old motherly advice – if everyone jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you jump too? That’s a lot like what we’re faced with in the fast paced, burned out, insane business environment portrayed in these articles. You might think “I can’t” when it comes to taking the time you need. I say that you can’t afford not to take care of yourself. No one is coming to save you and no one (except those who love you) will really care if you drop dead or lose your health on the job.

You are in charge of “You, Inc.” and it’s time you took a leadership role. Next time you’re feeling guilty like you’re slacking off, know that time away from the professional grind will fuel your fire, ultimately make you more successful, and allow you to cultivate a fulfilling personal life as well. Imagine that!

I stumbled across this post on stress management over at DiVITA Speaks http://www.divitaspeaks.com by way of the related post on Lip-Sticking which I read regularly. I loved it because it illustrates a simple yet powerful concept central to the issue of stress and burnout. You can’t hold a glass of water forever without reaching exhaustion and needing to call 911.

In the article, Benecia Beyer references a post from the blog Spiritual Struggle which is now defunct. It asks the pivotal question “How heavy is a glass of water?” Do you know? Have your answer in mind? If so…read on to see how much it REALLY weighs.

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, “How heavy is this glass of water?” Answers called out ranged from 3 ounces to 6 ounces. The lecturer replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long you hold it.”

“If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

He continued, “And that’s the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all of the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.”

As someone who often struggles with letting go (don’t we all) and wanting to keep plugging away at something rather than take a step back, I think this is a great metaphor and reminder that sometimes you just have to put things down. Whether it is a problem you can’t solve, a grudge, or a behavior or activity that is no longer working for you, you need to let go. At the very least we all need time and space to rest and relax in order to keep our energy reserves and effectiveness high.

• What glasses have you been holding onto until you ache?
• Are you headed for a breakdown in effectiveness in any parts of your life or business because the burden is becoming increasingly heavy?
• Where do you need to put the glass down for a while and rest?

One thing I’ve learned is the busier I get (even with “good stuff”), the first thing that gets tossed out of the schedule is fun-time. And the funny thing is — the minute it gets tossed the more I yearn for it on some level. And, the less fun I’m having, the more things seem like work and the less creative and productive I become. A self-fullfilling prophecy toward burnout and stress.

Fun is far more powerful than you might think!

If you think back to growing up, most of us received the message that we had to get all our homework (and any chores) done BEFORE we could go out and play. While that may have been our parents way of teaching us priorities and discipline back then, many of us, especially women, have taken it on as a means to be hard on ourselves as high-achieving adults. Let’s face it – the chores and to-do list will NEVER be done. Not until we draw our last breath. So, for goodness sake – take some time soon for some fun, you won’t regret it. No one ever sat on their death bed wishing they spent more time at the office or doing chores.

Recently I was getting my haircut and my fabulous stylist (if you’re near Philadelphia, you MUST check Vicchi out at V-Salon) was telling me a story about how much fun she recently had just hanging out with friends at a cafe and going to a concert. I thought, that sounds wonderful and it seems so long since I’ve had the time to do just that sort of thing. She said — you have to make time for it — it’ll really get you juiced up!

You know, she’s absolutely right! Fun is the way to infuse ourselves with more juice! Haven’t you ever spent time partaking in a hobby or even just breaking routine and going for a leisurely lunch with an upbeat friend and then felt oh so energized? Then, you went back to work and the creative juices just flowed and work felt effortless and inspiring?

Now contrast that to a time when you’ve drudged on for hours or days at work feeling you just couldn’t afford to take the time for fun, a break, or to just get away for a bit. How productive were you then? Did it seem to take forever and a day to get through the task at hand? Did you do your best work?

It is not just a coincidence that one scenario leaves you thriving and the other one leaves you dying on the vine.

So – take this quick self-assessment:

• When was the last time you just had fun?

If you have to think about the answer too long — it has been too long.

• Do you have a hobby that you regularly pursue that allows you to get in the flow where time just flies by?

Again, if you have to think too long, or the answer is no, you really need to get a hobby ASAP. It doesn’t have to be complicated, it doesn’t have to be expensive, it simply has to be something you enjoy doing (and it can’t be something you think you “should” be doing).

So, this weekend – start living a new mantra – “I brake for FUN” and start peppering a little fun here and there throughout each day of the week. Then, notice if you’re not being more productive, effective, and happy.

Not sure how to choose a hobby or how to carve out some fun-time? Leave me a comment below….. and we’ll get a dialog going.

I just returned this week from my first Olivia Vacation, the Western Caribbean Cruise. This was my virginal voyage with the company renown for delivering extraordinary vacations to lesbian women.

I had high expectations (and goodness knows I can be tough to please) and they not only met but far exceeded them. Here’s just a few reasons why:

• The company walks its talk from the top down and it shows in all they do. (I’ll talk about this much more in an upcoming post)
• High standards of excellence. From their choices of ship to ports of call to entertainment, it is only the best for the ladies of Olivia.
• They create an atmosphere where you feel like you truly matter and are cared for. The number and helpfulness of the support staff is refreshing in a day and age where “the customer comes first” are often empty and hollow words. To feel personally attended to in a crowd of 1850 guests is an art form.
• Enthusiasm and energy. Where else do people hoot and holler and cheer the trip director and staff just because they walked on stage and said good morning or good evening? The positive vibes from all aboard are so strong that a girl used to the cynicism and apathy of life in the ‘burbs of Pennsylvania could easily get overwhelmed initially.
• A safe space. From pre-sail to disembarkation you inhabit a safe, accepting, and diverse space that is hard to find anywhere. Think of the best women’s festival you’ve ever attended and then double it.
• Variety. I thought I’d be bored on a cruise or that I wouldn’t enjoy it because I am not an outgoing partying type or social butterfly. The variety of activities and opportunities to participate in or just get away from it all in a quiet corner made it possible to do your own thing at any time of the day or night. And, with the exception of a few of the “special parties” on the deck or lounge, the place never seemed overcrowded.

Now a lot of people I know shake their heads and say that they could vacation cheaper doing it on their own. Maybe, but in this case you truly get what you pay for — unsurpassed excellence and an experience you just can’t find elsewhere. I will definitely do it again — the only question is should I cruise? go to a resort? take an active vacation? Hmmmm, so many choices!

I don’t get any perks or benefits from recommending them, I just feel strongly about my positive experience. So, check out their website at Olivia.com and if you’re so inspired as to book a vacation, tell them I sent you!

If the technology gods have cooperated with me, you will be reading this post while I am floating on a cruise ship in the Western Caribbean.  You see, I used the “future posting date” feature of WordPress to write this article before I left.

I believe R&R is a lifeblood, not a luxury.  And, when I go away on vacation, I go away and disconnect entirely, and don’t want to have anything to do with my PC, cell phone, or other obligations.  I think it is crucial to disconnect in this way in order to avoid burnout and foster creativity and effectiveness, not to mention the benefits I accrue in being able to be 100% present with my partner away from the madness of day to day chores and routines.

That’s why I am a big fan of systems. By systems I mean technology, process, or any sort of support you can count on to get something done (people, machine, or otherwise).  Every successful business needs them and the woman entrepreneur and small business owner needs them even more.  The truth is that you can’t be everything to everyone and you can’t be “on call” 24/7.  If you think you can, you are on the road to burnout, exhaustion, and general misery (if not disease).  That’s where systems come in. People or things that can handle matters when you are not able to.

For example, remember life before voicemail?  The endless phone tag and yellow message pad “While You Were Out” notes?  Well, voicemail is a system we use for communicating with others when we can’t be there to pick up the phone. It simply makes things easier (assuming we know how to set boundaries around how often we check voicemail).

And, systems are not limited to our business lives.  To thrive in your personal life you also need systems.  Let me ask you, do you have a routine for getting ready in the morning or preparing for bed at night?  If so, that is a system. While it does require your involvement, it is a way of doing things to ensure successful and repeatable results (you are groomed and out the door to start the day and are not missing something crucial like your pants or shirt, for instance).  Another system might be a cleaning or lawn service to handle those chores so you don’t have to.

Take moment today and make a list of 5-10 systems you currently have in your life or business that serve you well?  What are 3 systems that are lacking that you could put in place in the next 2 weeks to make your life easier and ultimately make you more successful?
 

Rest & Relaxation (R & R) is not just a luxury for the well-to-do. It is essential to our well-being and is truly not optional. It is the lifeblood that keeps us sharp mentally and physically while giving our creative juices time to rejuvenate.

When I say R & R, what picture or words come to mind? Do you see R & R only as being a lavish vacation or available only to the “ladies who lunch”? Do you hear some authority figure yelling at you that you’re lazy, unproductive, and will never amount to anything? Do you simply see your to-do list growing if you even contemplate “relaxing”?

Read More of this article I wrote as part of my Beyond Burnout monthly eZine.

Like what you’re reading?  Subscribe to my Beyond Burnout monthly eZine for free at my website.

As high achieving women, we seem to have a plan for everything — the business, the weekend, the vacation, the career, and our social calendar.  Do you have a plan for renewing and restoring your body? Top notch car racers have a pit crew. Who makes up your body wellness pit crew?
 
Most of us only pay attention to our bodies when something is wrong. Then we go to the doctor, drug store, or maybe even the holistic practitioner to cure what ails us.  Then it is back to the grind until something else in our system “complains”.

The way I see it is our bodies need preventative maintenance and tuning as much as (if not moreso) than our cars.  It is impossible to live our best life and be optimally effective if our bodies are out of whack.  My absolutely favorite piece of my personal plan is regular bodywork by an experienced practitioner.  For me that takes the form of a cornucopia of modalities (types of) massage and energy work several times a month. “Luxury” you say?  I find it a crucial ingredient to allow me to be my best.

I have found the benefits to be exponentially greater than the cost.  Some of the results I have personally experienced include:

• Less stress
• Reduced muscle tension
• More energy
• Injury prevention
• Faster recovery from injury
• Less illness
• More balanced emotions
• Overall better feeling inhabiting my body

A recent study an article showed that as a whole Americans were more stressed in 2005 than 2004. And we all know being stressed out leads to burnout and diminishing results and enjoyment in both our professional and personal lives. You can read the full article here.

If you want to learn more about massage or find a certified practitioner you can visit the American Massage Therapy Association website.

Maybe massage is not your cup of tea. That’s ok. Simply ask yourself: “What other types of systems would I like to create to take care of my body?”  Write down the answers and start scheduling the activities in regularly.

Don’t let the vehicle of your dreams (your body) breakdown due to neglect. Take some time to create a business plan for your body.