This post originally appeared on BlogHer

People often ask me – how did you know you were cut out to be your own boss? How do you deal with the anxiety? The risk? The learning curve? There are many ways to be successful… I coach my clients how to navigate the inner and outer obstacles all the time. Yet, I will be the first to say that self-employment is not for the faint of heart, it’s not for everyone. So, how do you know if it’s right for you?

First off, there is no hard and fast rule. There is no one size fits all. Some people look like they would thrive as their own boss and then find they hate it. Others seem at home in corporate and yet break free and thrive as a business owner. You can’t tell just by looking at or talking to someone. After all, there are so many different types of businesses you could own…from being a solopreneur in a traditional field (lawyer, accountant, etc.) to being a high risk-taker in a cutting edge startup to becoming a franchise owner… and each has its own culture if you will.

Yet, there are some definite red flags you can be on the lookout for that would scream – stick to a steady paycheck.

1) Control Freak Syndrome – if you are a control freak and need everything “just so” and highly predictable, you likely won’t be able to stomach the ride of being self-employed.

2) Lacking Discipline – if you absolutely cannot follow through to things you commit to without having someone wielding a stick, you better stick to a job where you have a boss calling the shots.

3) Low Self-Worth - if you are looking to someone or something else to give you a solid sense of self-worth, you are setting yourself up for disaster. You are enough just as you are…much like when looking for a relationship, don’t look for your business to make you whole.

4) Unwilling to Take and Accept Risks – being your own boss is all about taking risks, calculated risks. If the idea of sound, calculated risks freaks you out to the point of paralysis, you need to do some deep personal growth work first before you take the leap.

5) Passion for What You Do — do not start a business because it seems like the next big thing or someone else tells you to. You need to be truly passionate about the product or service you offer if you want to succeed.

6) Give Up Easily — perseverance is one of the most important traits you can have as a business owner. One of the reasons so many small businesses fail is because the owners weren’t willing to stay at it or go the distance (or ran out of money before they could).

7) Dislike People — you do not have to be an extrovert or a raving people person to succeed, but you do have to be effective at dealing with others. Business is about relationships – period.

8 ) Unwilling to Delegate – while you may need to do all tasks when you get started, if you are not willing to delegate, you will burn out guaranteed.

9) Inflexible – if it is always your way or the highway, stick to the cubicle. While you don’t want to be a wallflower without boundaries and you never want to let others take advantage of you, you need to be able to bob and weave to adjust to business relationships and an ever-changing business climate.

10) Seeking Guarantees – there are none. I might point out that there are no guarantees when you work for someone else either, but there certainly is more predictability. If you want absolutes, focus on death and taxes, they are the only two you can count on.

Do you own your own business? If so – what other red flags would you add to this list? Would love to hear them…

Credit Image: rvw on Flickr

Originally Appeared on BlogHer.

All the business and career advice in the book is great. But, what happens when you’re on the path to where you want to go when life intrudes in a major way? Do you stay on the path? Can you do it all? Do you have to give up the dream? I had to walk this very path last year myself and I learned a lot about myself and business in the process.

Like many entrepreneurs I started the year last year with big plans. I made some big commitments to match. Joining my first-ever high-level mastermind group was my way of jumping in with both feet. I was ready to take my business (which at that time was 2 1/2 years old full time) to the next level. I was raring to go, I had an awesome coach, and the most amazing support from a group of twenty other women. I was pedal to the metal, plans to go from zero to sixty miles per hour right away.

Then just three months after I started the program my mom got seriously ill. As an only child living two hours away from my parents I was just distraught. What we all thought would be a minor setback, one of those medical challenges that just create a bump in the road actually turned out to be cancer. While no one in the medical system said the words Stage 4, it was (why doctors think dancing around a topic is good practice, I have no idea). At least one form of cancer was confirmed and another one was very likely involved, also of an advanced nature.

Credit Image: rosmary on Flickr 

So I plowed ahead driving full speed in my business while also driving home at least weekly to be with family. It was very conflicting. I wanted to spend more time at home and yet because she was so ill she didn’t really want “company”. I did my best to stay focused and move ahead with positive intentions. I was moderately successful at best.

After several months of chemo literally killing her from the inside out, in mid-May she had a stroke and essentially never recovered to any great degree. While she was able to communicate with us she never left the hospital or an extended care facility. The oncologist (who in my book remains a royal a-hole) fled the scene writing it off as one of those things we just can’t predict or control. Her general practitioner guided us with immense love and caring through this agonizing and rocky road.

Now I take the business off the accelerating on-ramp and efforts go from 60 to zero in a heartbeat. Primary breadwinner or not, there are moments along life’s path where nothing else matters. This was one of those times.

So for a little over two weeks I spent almost all my time with my dad visiting my mom daily for as long as we could handle it. Driving to cemeteries, funeral homes, and other places attempting to arrange the inevitable. It was like planning a surprise event for someone who wasn’t going to attend. There really are no words for these weeks of my life last year. I drove back to my own home every few days to keep what I could simmering (mainly laundry, a few minutes of quiet, hard workouts to numb the pain, and a few emails/calls here or there to let current and prospective clients know I wasn’t going anywhere but would be inaccessible for a short period of time). On June 4th she died at the age of 68.

To say I returned to business as usual after shortly thereafter would be a total lie. Sure I got back to business but looking back it was a series of hit and miss distracted moments and efforts for at least a few months. Frankly the only reason I am still in business and able to experience strong growth is because of the support of my coach and mastermind group that I put into place at the start of the year. These women literally held my hand and shepherded me on a personal and professional level when I couldn’t even find my way out of a paper bag.

So what did I learn about how to manage your professional life while your personal life is in turmoil? Here’s what I know for sure:

Get Support

By all means do not under any circumstance try to manage illness, death or other calamities by yourself. Screw superwoman. She doesn’t exist. Get support on all levels – practical, emotional, spiritual, and otherwise. You may be going through hell personally or walking beside a loved one who is…either way you need to take the best care of yourself possible while ensuring the practicalities get handled. While I do not have children (only cats), this is especially important if you have little ones who are counting on you and need their own support.

Give Yourself Permission

Cut yourself a break. Now is not the time to necessarily shine the brightest in your professional life. That is OK. Sure you may still need to show up for professional obligations especially if the crisis extends over a long period of time, but be choosey and give yourself permission to do your best. Even if your best is not your A-game best.

Shrink Time

At the worst of this crisis I was making decisions in fewer than12 hour increments. A dear friend who was on the phone with me constantly as I agonized over everything while sitting in hospice advised me – only make decisions affecting the next 12 hours. Where are you spending your day? Where are you sleeping tonight? Beyond that, don’t decide. It was an immense relief and allowed me to make choices much easier. While ultimately I was not present when she died, I know I did the best I could do.

Be Human

Feel what you’re feeling. Again, get support. There are moments along this string of weeks where all I did was sob hysterically. There are other moment of pure numbness. There are also moments I deeply regret the choices I made simply because others were not comfortable with me expressing my feelings. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Forgive yourself for being human.

Ease Into It

You don’t go through a crisis and then flip off a switch and resume life as normal. In this country we think three days is an acceptable grieving period. Ludicrous. When you return to your regularly scheduled activities know that it will take you longer, you will not instantly be on your A-game, and you will require space to navigate your world as it has been altered by whatever you went through.

Over a year after having this experience I can still say that you never really get over such an experience. Yet life does still march on. Cliche I know but it is about re-creating a life “after” (illness, loss, etc.). I am grateful for the success I continue to experience as my business grows and even more appreciative of the wonderful people I surround myself with that have walked with me, loved me, and pushed me to be my best through this time.

What have you learned as you’ve navigated personal crises while building your business or pursuing your career? What worked? What didn’t work? Any regrets on how you handled it? Would love to hear your stories on this universal topic.

I just read this fabulous article from More Magazine called Reinvention is the Best Revenge.  It drives home a few important points:

• A disappointment (or even a terrible tragedy) can actually be a blessing that opens the door to new possibilities you never would have considered while you were stuck in your status quo.
• You can’t worry about what others will think – people operate from their own perceptions and you and only you can make the wisest choices for you.
• Today is the only day you have at your disposal.  Start making the changes you want to see right here, right now.
• Security is not what you think it is – so create your own (the only REAL security there is).
• Use your own authenticity (even the messy, sometimes embarrassing stuff) to propel you forward.

What does it take to truly be successful?  Whether you need to discover, reinvent, or refine your career and business, these pillars are crucial to your success.  It all starts with getting clear on the person you most want to be in your life.  If you don’t get to be YOU and live authentically success will always elude you.

Grab your front row seat to see me addressing an intimate group of women in Bucks County during this recent Network Now event.

Last weekend I was in Tampa, Florida for the first of several in-person events as part of a year long EnergyRich® Elite Mastermind Group I joined (here’s a picture of me with Heather Dominick my dear coach and leader of this group). The group and the event was unbelievably spectacular and I felt it was a great time to write a bit about the benefits of working with someone (or a facilitated group) who can be a coach and mentor to you along your journey.

First let me share with you that I did not take joining this group lightly. It is the most significant investment of time and money I have made to a program in my life (and that’s saying something). To be fully truthful with you, it is a big stretch for me and every last excuse and story I tell myself about money joined me on my journey to a decision. After much head AND heart-centered reflection, I chose to be in charge of my choices rather than be at the whims of other people’s opinions or be a servant to my money (rather than having it serve me). It is only early February and I have already had breakthroughs and transformational growth and cannot wait to continue my journey with this group for the next 11 months.

Here are four specific ways having a coach can transform your life and your business/career. I know this because I have experienced it firsthand and I’ve heard it from my clients.

Big Thinking And Holding A Vision Of You At Your Highest Potential

We think they way we think because it is always the way we have thought. What we see as possible for ourselves is a combination of past experiences and what we witness in those who we surround ourselves with. For most people their future looks very much like their present circumstances +/- 10%. Why? Because that is all that you know, think is possible, or will give yourself permission to want. With a coach at your side you get to live in the realm of possibility of much, much more. That more can be anything you want it to be – common things are more money, more time, more meaning, more satisfaction. It can also be more of that intangible spark that makes your passion and purpose be expressed in the world in a way that only you can deliver. A coach will hold you in that highest vision even when you feel like crap or your outer results aren’t what you want to see (yet). This isn’t about denial or wishful thinking, but about making that powerful shift into the role of creating that vision you most want for your life personally and professionally. And if you don’t yet know what that vision, what “It” is, she can help you discover it, name it, and claim it.

Read more of 4 Ways You Benefit from Having a Coach…

Whatever holiday you celebrate and however you enjoy it, inevitably the rhythm of business changes during the last few weeks of the year. You can use this time to your advantage to bring a strong close to 2009 and an even more powerful start to 2010 whether you are a business owner or employee. You don’t even have to work hard to make it happen.

The secret is to gear your activities to answer one of two questions:

1) What do I need to do to bring the current year to powerful completion?

2) What can I do to set myself up for success in the year ahead?

Here are my top 5 tips of how you can do that based on my own experience and that of the experts I cite below.

1) Create a Clean Slate

Wrap up all those little hanging chads from 2009. That includes bookkeeping, invoicing, unfinished client communications, and filing. Nothing sends you into 2010 with cinder blocks tied to your feet more than a whole bunch of unfinished business from 2009. If you have outstanding items far too big to bring to full completion then simply organize, prioritize, and communicate with a firm date of when it will be handled in January. Finances have a natural end of year deadline for business planning and tax purposes. Some good tips on how to organize finances as a freelancer can be found here.

2) Organize, File, and Purge

While you’re grooving from number one, adopt the do it or dump it mentality with all your files and records including financial ones.  Get organized for tax season (it’ll be here before you know it!).  Purge old client files.  Empty your entire inbox.  Shred sensitive paper files you no longer need.  Clean the closet and filing cabinets.  Anything you can do to clear your space and simplify will reap rewards and replenish you with energy and space (literally and emotionally).  Here are some filing system tips to consider.

3) Celebrate Your Accomplishments

Now is the time to take stock of what you accomplished in 2009.  Even though it was a tough year for many, you have things to celebrate.  Take stock of 2009:

• What did you accomplish?
• What did you earn? what did you save? what debt do you have?
• What new skills did you learn?
• In what ways did you grow and evolve as a person?

You can’t get where you want to go without knowing where you are.  This step is about getting clear on where “here” is.  And here’s a hint – you don’t have to have a “save the world” accomplishment to create and savor your list.  Zandria sets a great example of celebrating in “Five Things I’m Proud Of (From 2009)”. You need to celebrate not only the tangible professional and financial milestones but also the personal ones.

4) Plan for 2010

“Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.”  It’s that simple. What are your goals for 2010?  I’m not a huge goal setting person in terms of hard-core goals all mapped on paper.  Yet I am a huge proponent of setting your intentions for the year and putting that in writing.  Your intentions of what you want to see happen in your life and business (from vacation ideas to income goals) as well as how you want to feel and BE as you go about your year.  Now is the time to do it.  If you wait until January, you’ll likely get swept into the wave of “same-old, same-old” and find yourself at the whims of everyone and everything else.

Create your learning plan.  If the past few years have taught us anything it is that learning and growing is the key to long-term success as a business owner or employee.  The landscape keeps changing and you need to keep your skills fresh and expanding. Here’s an excellent article on creating your learning plan for 2010.  One way to keep learning is to devour books regularly. Check out Melinda Emerson’s small business reading list Part I and Part II.

5) Rest & Relax

By all means you work your tail off all year — chill out for a bit. Create some breathing space.  Reconnect with family and friends. Take a nap.  Indulge with some extra time spent on your hobbies.  The point of the holidays is to make them meaningful
so do it.  Don’t let a to-do list or itch to get a jump on 2010 derail you from the here and now.  Handle items one through four the best you can and then let go.

What are your best tips for using the holiday time to your advantage for your business or career?

Can’t let today pass by without calling attention to the great article I was privileged to be a part of.   Today’s issue of The Intelligencer ran an article entitled Pursuing a Dream about people starting businesses during the recession.

I was thrilled to have an opportunity to be a part of the article (complete with a creative photo of me filling the center of the page) and share some of my expertise gleaned from my own experience and that of coaching clients who are starting their own businesses.

The article is ripe with stories about people who have started their businesses as a result of losing their jobs.  Some very important statistics that all business owners need to know round out the feature.

You can read the complete article online at the Intelligencer website.

If you prefer a pdf, you can download it from my website.

I recently received a question on LinkedIn from one of my connections who is a trainer and job search specialist. She was looking for stories about how keeping a positive attitude is crucial to success in one’s job hunt during these times. In my reply, while I acknowledged that a positive attitude is important, it’ll only get you so far. There is something far more important to succeeding whether it is the job hunt or building your business.

That something is your beliefs. Beliefs run deeper than attitude and consciously or unconsciously (often the case) have more to do with our success or lack thereof than anything else. When your beliefs are not aligned with what you say you want, your feelings take a hit (no matter how much positive attitude I will put on a happy face you do), your vibrational energy lowers, and instead of attracting what you say you want, you get mud.

I’m not trying to give positive attitude a bad rap. It is an important part of your success, just not the savior so many make it up to be. As Millionaire Mommy Next Door says, your attitude is your choice so make it a positive one.

In “Being positive…” Trish shares what we’ve all experienced at one time or another:

OK, so I am on a mission to change my outlook…it can be hard, it is hard, but I will do it!

I remember there was a time when I was very positive, always smiling and not too much got me down, I want that person back and I will get her back, I know it.

It is amazing that when you feel good, have confidence and a positive outlook, things do go well, or perhaps it is just that they at least appear that way as your attitude reflects it no matter what life is throwing at you.

It is true that with a positive attitude things seem to go better and we tend to feel better which increases not only our enjoyment but also our ability to attract success.

I don’t know about you but sometimes putting on a positive attitude, especially when it doesn’t match up with how I’m feeling feels more like a bunch of BS than a success strategy. I have known women who with their always upbeat, positive, “Can Do” attitudes simply smile through their pain as they go through yet another unfortunate circumstance.

The most successful people I have experienced know how to (or ask a coach to help them) dig beneath the surface and uncover the underlying beliefs that keep them stuck. The beliefs you have are like the operating system on your computer – it is always running the show whether you acknowledge it or not. The key to success is making these beliefs conscious, feeling the feelings that accompany them, and then transforming those beliefs layer by layer until your beliefs align with what you most want to create (new job, successful business, perfect mate, etc.). When they align it is like that perfect ahhh you feel when you put that all important piece into a puzzle and make a picture or align all those darn colors on a Rubik’s cube. Tension melts away and energy is available and aligned for what you DO want.

In “What Does Managing Your Spiritual Energy Have to do with Your Success in Business?” Sharon Wilson gives a nice explanation on the power of beliefs. Her conclusion sums it up nicely:

On the other hand, when you do make that inner shift, it suddenly becomes easier for you to take actions that may have been uncomfortable for you before.

If you identify some of these patterns, and then learn a process to better manage your energy around them, you now have congruency.

You now have a situation where you can make into reality the vision you long to create, because you are congruent in your thoughts, feelings, words and actions.

So while a positive attitude is a great building block, if you really want the success you desire, look a little deeper to shift your beliefs and create a more powerful platform on which to stand.

Photo Credit: Flickr

Announcing the release of the eBook “Career & Money – How to Create a Life You Love On the Job and Off”. If you happen to read my column at Queercents you might remember the Career & Money series I wrote starting in March of 2007. It seemed almost like ancient history to me when Nina suggested I update it and compile it into an eBook. Well I am happy to say that it is now available for download and is recently updated.

As I reviewed every word of the original series I realized that it is so relevant in today’s environment. Now more than ever it is imperative to consciously create your personal and professional life in a way that fuels who you are while also providing the financial means to live the way you most desire.

There’s nothing flashy about this book. It is about the fundamentals. The foundational questions you need to answer for yourself as it relates to your life and career. They are even more true today than they were 18 months ago when money and the markets were still flying high. Regardless of the economic climate I am a firm believer that today is the first day in the rest of your life and it is imperative to seize the day and live fully in the present moment while also creating an inspiring future.

Here’s a look at the table of contents:

Part 1: Intention, Plan and Goals
Part 2: How to Determine if You Want a Career or a Job
Part 3: What are your values? How much do you need/want to earn?
Part 4: How Can You Earn Money?
Part 4A: Skills vs. Passion
Part 5: Landing the Job (Part One)
Part 6: Landing the Job – Make and Close the Deal
Part 7: Staring Your Own Business
Part 8: Making the Most of Your Career
Part 9: Re-pot, Re-invent, Re-visit
Part 10: Work & Happiness
Part 11: Retirement
Want to Learn More?

I cover a lot of ground in this book. I guarantee if you do the exercises contained in it you will walk away with clarity and actionable next steps.

If you are ready to learn how to get started designing a professional life that fits WHO you are instead of how you were told it “should” look today… Buy the Career & Money eBook here for just $7.

If someone were to ask me what is the most important question you could ask about your career this would be it: Is it what you want to be doing or what you feel you “should” be doing? The answer to this question is extremely telling and often determines the level of success, enjoyment, and fulfillment you can attain in your professional life. Think about it. Compare it to your personal life. If you have an event to go to that you truly want to attend you are excited, have a positive frame of mind, and get the most out of it. If you have some obligation you need to attend because you “should” or your family will disown you if you don’t, are you nearly as enthusiastic? In the end do you enjoy the experience or simply endure it?

I could certainly take a spiritual angle and assert that your experience is what you make it and that even in situations that stretch you that you could adopt a chop wood, carry water mindset:

What that means is that the tasks are the same, but who you are being as you do the tasks is totally different. While I am certainly not claiming enlightenment, I can say that I am so much better at being clear, open, and present with a task than I ever was before. Even tasks that are exhausting and not quite my cup of tea. Instead I did my best to approach it with the bigger picture in mind – serving families in need of decent housing and with the mindset that anything you do can be a meditation if you choose to allow it to be. And, when you do that a whole new world opens up to you.

I totally believe this mindset is crucial to living fully. Engaging in experiences that stretch you are enriching. However from a day in and day out perspective would you rather spend your time doing something that works for you or suffering like a martyr attemping to fulfill someone else’s expectations of you?

How do you know what that something you most want to be doing is? You discover it by looking inside yourself. Penelope Trunk writes in “Why you already know what you should be doing next”

Do you want to know what you should do right now? Do you want to know what your best bet is for your next career? Look at what you were doing when you were a kid. Nothing changes when you grow up except that you get clouded vision from thinking about what you SHOULD do — to be rich, or successful, or to please your parents or peers… the possibilities for should are endless.

Our childhood really does hold clues. It is not just a New Age inner child thing. The essence of who we are and what makes us tick is formed early. That doesn’t mean we don’t evolve or change, just the opposite. However, I know if I look back on what interested me as a child and how I liked to be in the world, I see a much purer reflection of what my soul most yearns for even now. I may have better taste in wine, but I still love to explore, learn, be outside in nature, and laugh hysterically. I hated being confined by rules of the classroom then and I still thrive outside the corporate cube now as a business owner. Why? Because I discovered early on as I was being coached that I have a core need to be unrestricted, otherwise I rebel. Hmmmm, corporate cubes cause brain damage and are restricting… and I thrive outside of them…maybe there is a connection, eh?

The idea of “Shoulds” and expectations seem to be even more crushing to the generation younger than I. The Office Newb tells it like it is from the Twenty-Something perspective in “Success Is Relative (Especially When Relatives Determine Your Success)”:

What made these well-educated, high-achieving women desperate enough to risk their reputations for 15-minutes of fame?

Could it be a constant pressure to succeed from parents, professors, bosses and popular media?

A query into the Merriam-Webster dictionary shows the definition of success to be: The attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence.

What troubles me about this definition is that it defines success through a third-party point of view. Gaining favor? Having superiority? These are all things subject to other people’s perceptions rather than a personal measure of fulfillment and meaning. This drive to succeed, to achieve based on someone else’s definition of success is wreaking havoc on our generation, a generation raised to believe that achievement is everything.

From a young age, most Millennials have been told they need to be “well-rounded.” College admission boards wants students who can “do-it-all,” so children are being pushed at younger and younger ages into soccer teams, ballet lessons, foreign-language classes and more with rarely a thought as to whether a child really enjoys the activity or not.

Constant pressure to live up to someone else’s expectations is a recipe for misery and dis-ease. The link between stress and health is strong and all over the news all the time. Grab Some Health News states in “Stress and Heart Disease – Evidence Mounts”:

Previous studies have supported the link between stress and the development of disease. The role of inflammation is well defined as it related to diabetes, heart disease, the formation of atherosclerosis, and perhaps depression. Stress releases hormones in the body that promote the release of cortisol. Prolonged exposure to cortisol disrupts immunity, leads to sleep loss, heart disease, and increases the risk of obesity. It also leads to digestive problems.

Studies find that Americans are more dissatisfied than ever with their levels of happiness, in spite of increases in income.

Sacrificing what you really want simply for a paycheck just doesn’t cut it. You can’t fool your soul and you can’t fool your body. The world is teeming with people earning a good to excellent income but who are miserable beyond words.

Sometimes we do what we want to do but put excess pressure on ourselves because we want to live up to our own expectations. Consider the case of being a business owner and a parent. As a working mother, Kathy Murdock asks “Do Parents in Business Face More Stress to Succeed?”

They listen. As business owners we need to keep this in mind and use it as we operate our companies.

I believe that having two daughters has placed a bit more stress on my shoulders to succeed. I want to do so not just for myself, but for my family as well. in addition, I want them to see me working hard to accomplish my goals. I’d also like them to see that when you do work hard, your business can grow, and I hope in the future this is exactly what I am able to prove to them. Plus, as a mother to two daughters, I’d love for them to understand that they can do whatever they want in life, too. I can tell them this over and over, but what better way to get the point across than to show them?

Yes indeed children listen to what we say and most importantly to what we leave unsaid. That is why we need to take the time to go within and see what our heart is telling us about what we really want, because we aren’t fooling anyone if we’re throwing out what we really want in order to fulfill a self-imposed “should”. Hint — if you’re over the age of 18, all “shoulds” are self-imposed.

You can tap into what you really want and need to do next and create the life you most desire. I am living proof it can be done and I work with women all the time to help them do the same. All you need to be is willing…and ready to take that all important first step.