Sometimes we go through our days and forget to truly celebrate moments that have been turning points. Sometimes these are points along a continuum, part of the great big ripple effect that makes you who you are. Today I celebrate one of those days. You see June 26th would have been my parent’s 45th wedding anniversary. My Mom passed away earlier this month so instead of a time of celebration we all remain quite squarely in grief where tears come far more readily than smiles as we remember her. Yet I couldn’t let this year’s milestone pass without celebrating the uncommon act of courage by my Mom and Dad which enabled us to be a family of three and frankly allowed me to come into being at all.

The year was 1965 and they had been high school sweethearts for years and wanted to wed. There was only one problem – religion. The rules of the road and strongly held beliefs that can divide families, communities, and nations. I’m not talking about spirituality here, I’m talking about the man-made rules in churches that divide people’s souls. That create conflict where otherwise there would only be love. You can see the scene unfold: my Dad’s family – strict Catholics. My Mom’s family – Protestant. Never shall the two meet in happy matrimony.

In many cases today (but not all!) blended families are much easier to form. In 1965 that was not the case. Each family vehemently refused to step foot in the “other” church. The situation felt so impossible, in fact, that they literally thought it could never be so they separated for a few months. Miserable without each other and feeling despondent at not being able to be together, they realized that making a choice only to satisfy someone else would create only a life of regret. So, Love prevailed and they decided they would elope.

When you think of eloping today, you don’t think of a radical act. At least I don’t. I think of two people for whatever reasons deciding to fore go the stress, family conflict, or expense of a wedding, and choose to get married in a simple way. When I think back to what it must have been like 45 years ago and the conservative families my parents came from I see a tremendously courageous and radical act. A decision made (and certainly not likely) to put love before fear. To choose an authentic path for themselves no matter what. An act of courage worthy of celebration.

From the stories I have heard, there was clearly tension when they broke the news, but over the many years the families came to respect one another. Perhaps this melding was possible because of the utmost respect each of my parents had for each other and their own beliefs and traditions. I know I never felt anything but love and openness from both of them when it came to my own spiritual path and periodic religious choices along the way.

For many years I never gave this historic choice point much of a thought.  I only ever knew my parents as happily married, that they had eloped,  and our families as a typical blending of famliies.  Yet a few years ago when my Mom and I talked about it, it started to really sink in – the truly powerful choice they made.  The radical act it was.  And, the sheer degree of discomfort that each of them had to have felt as they made a choice that was right for them but that would make those they loved displeased (at least initially). It isn’t always comfortable to choose love over fear; to choose what is right for your higher good. You must choose anyway if you want to live fully and authentically.

What acts of true courage have you made that you gloss over and forget to celebrate? I invite you to celebrate them now.

What choices do you need to make right now (even if they might be unpopular or radical) so you can live fully the life you most want to live? I invite you to name them and claim them(and if you need support doing so, contact me).

Step into your own courage… it might not be comfortable, but it will certainly be beautiful and for your highest good.

Last weekend I was reading Oprah’s interview with Michelle Obama in O Magazine and just loved the candor of the piece.  Of course my eyes got larger as I read her answer to Oprah’s question “When did you get to be this much of yourself?”.

In a phrase near and dear to my heart, Michelle Obama answered:

“I think in my 40s, I started feeling very comfortable in my own skin.”

Besides my obvious excitement at how perfectly this ties into my philosophy, I got to thinking about the words used to describe the First Lady.  In this article, Oprah calls it “a confidence that comes from such an authentic place.”  I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Here is a woman who is strong, confident, accomplished, and now inhabiting the White House.  Yet above it all she is REAL.  She is grounded, genuine, and authentic.  She is a professional woman who is also a devoted mother.  She speaks her mind with class and honesty.  She has the courage to face what IS straight on.

Another reality of being comfortable in your own skin and being in your power with confidence is that there will be some people who do not like you.  It is just a fact. So if you are a people pleaser this will be a painful realization and important shift to embrace.  While the criticisms and scrutiny are always magnified for public figures, the case in point is that Michelle Obama’s critics have been many and outspoken.  The media crucified her for her playful comments about her husband during the campaign.  The big ole “B” word has been bantered about in most unkind ways most recently by a controversial Townhall writer.  After all if you are a woman with confidence you will most definitely be called a bitch by someone who’s insecurity can’t deal with you.  The fashion and body-image police have been all over Michelle’s wardrobe and exceptional biceps.  I could go on…

What is important to take away from this is that what other people think of you is none of your business. If you are not comfortable in your own skin you’d let these sort of criticisms and verbal barbs wound you.  However, as we’ve witnessed very publicly Michelle offers no apologies for who she is.  Amen to that!  Dr. Cara Barker has a great article on “What Makes Michelle Obama Shine”  which really emphasizes the huge amount of compassion, heart, and careful reflection that makes Michelle so very different than so many others.

The next few years will offer us a wonderful opportunity to watch Michelle Obama mirror these qualities back to us and empower women everywhere just by who she is being.  I invite you to pay attention and know that you too can become comfortable in your own skin.

Are you willing to do what it takes to create what you really want in your business, career, and finances? It might sound like an obvious answer “well, of course!”, yet when we hit tough choices, we often resist doing the very thing we need to in order to succeed. We stay stuck in our righteous position of what we think and what we’ve planned. I love the quote:

We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. – Joseph Campbell

How willing are you?

I have written about this before in an article called “Are You Willing?” following a powerful retreat experience.

The difference between success and failure; happiness and misery can be found in our level of resistance and our willingness to be fully present, take action, make a change, shift our thinking, or take a risk. If you’re not willing, you can be 100% certain of the results and your experience. It will look exactly as what you’re experiencing right now. If you keep doing the same things you’ve always done; you’ll always get what you’ve always got.

This holds true in so many areas of our life and in this economy and business climate willingness puts on a whole new face. The swirl of job eliminations, business start-ups, or changing careers can be a frustrating, confusing, and emotional affair. We all have ideas about how we want things to look or what we think it “should” look like. Yet at the heart of the matter is that you can only deal with what IS. In easy to explain terms that means you can only play the cards you’re dealt (and I mean that in an expansive and creative way of many possibilities which includes things like changing the game, letting go of the cards, etc.)

Laurie Hayes wrote a great post called “How Willing Are You…Really?” It is spot on in terms of some of the very things I coach my own clients through.

If you’re willing to say ‘yes’ to those decisions that will move you in the direction of business success even though they cause butterflies in your stomach or shake you to your core, you create no option but to grow. And as you grow personally, your business grows and evolves with you.

To me asking the tough questions is a reality check. Many people fret over their finances yet never bother to stop and take stock of what the true picture is right now. If you’re not even willing to ask the question “What is really true right now?” and then look at the answer, you cannot possibly make the changes necessary to create what you most want. That Albert Einstein quote is on the mark:

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

And when you are unwilling to do something different…well you can see where that leaves you. In a cycle of being stuck, experiencing the “same old, same old”, and chasing your tail.

A while back Gracie Davisgave a great example of willingness in her post “Recovering from Debt by Blogging”:

Of the million plus blogs on the net, the best bloggers may be those with the willingness and honesty to reveal their flaws to the world. These writers include the ‘debt bloggers’ who devote their bandwidth to disclosing their histories of compulsive credit card abuse, how they’re changing their lifestyle so they can afford to pay these bills in full, and what they’re doing to reform and spend responsibly. It’s tough and brave stuff. Exposing and discussing debt and credit struggles flies in the face of what may be one of the great taboo subjects – money.

I might add here that when you are willing to face and speak the truth not only does your life change for the better, but it has a ripple effect if and when you are willing to share that truth with others – whether it is by sharing with one close friend or in a more public way.

Willingness takes two major forms as I see it — a willingness to do what you need to do and a willingness to step back, let go, and allow serendipity to happen. Celeste at Heartsong Studio gives a great example of allowing in her post “Will one surprising success stop you in your tracks ? “:

Do you sneeze at serendipity ?

Sometimes when you’re least expecting it, a work will emerge unbidden, that seems curious, powerful, unlike any you’ve made before. Though you didn’t know you were looking for it, your willing innocence to find it changes everything that went before and comes after.

Maybe other scientists have had the same sort of ‘accident’ happen to them, but threw it out as a spoiled experiment. But not Fleming. Like you, he was willing to recognize the opportunity disguised as an inconvenience.

A willingness to be vulnerable, instead of intentionally trying to cause it, allowed you to recognize the serendipity for the amazing opportunities it held.

So you can see how willingness is a yin and yang between doing and allowing, at least at its most powerful. As you step back this summer and take stock of where you are and where you want to go – ask yourself – “Am I willing to take the action I most need to for success? Am I also willing to step back and just allow events to unfold when I find myself trying too hard with no results?” Your answers might surprise you.

Paula Gregorowicz, owner of The Paula G. Company, works with women who are ready to create their lives and businesses in a way that fits who they are rather than how they were told they "should". Get the free 12 part eCourse "How to Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin" http://www.coaching4lesbians.com and start taking charge of your own success.

To get the latest word on personal finances from an LGBT perspective and Paula’s practical coach approach to the topic check out Queercents http://www.queercents.com.

Are you a small or solo business owner who wants to be comfortable in their own skin online via a website that is a true reflection of who you are and what your business is about? Paula’s signature down to earth and "plain English" approach to website design and consulting can help. Visit http://www.paulagwebdesign.com to download the free successful website planner which will make your web project a breeze.