In this  episode of the confident and comfortable in your own skin podcast I interview Kisha Mays, Founder and CEO of Just Fearless, LLC.    Kisha is currently working with her team on the Women Empowering Women (WEW) International Tour which is changing women’s lives one city at a time.

Kisha’s primary focus is on marketing and advertising and empowering women to live their best life fearlessly and raising funds for non profits worldwide that support women and girls.  Since founding the firm, she has overseen the company’s rapid growth and expansion to the Latin American, European, Middle East, Far East, and Asian markets.  She has also provided advice and counsel to hundreds of companies, global interests, high-profile individuals, regional businesses, and government agencies on routine marketing and advertising to women and business development. Her aggressive, results focused orientation has allowed her to acquire close working relationships with members of the media, decision makers, politicians and celebrities.

You can learn more and connect with Kisha at www.twitter.com/KishaMays, www.blogtalkradio.com/kishamays, and www.justfearless.com.

Tune in to my recent conversation to learn more about Kisha and give yourself a little boost of empowerment as well.

Running Time: ~ 27 minutes

I had the good fortune of being introduced to Megan McMorris through Michelle Goodman author of Anti-9-to-5 Guide and My So-Called Freelance Life (you can catch my podcast interview with Michelle Goodman here).  Megan is a freelance writer and most recently the editor of an anthology called P.S. What I Didn’t Say: Unsent Letters to Our Female Friends.  I personally have had moments where I wish I could have said certain things to friends but never have.  In my life, however, I seem to have experienced more of the “sent letter/said things” and then wondered why they were never received fully. Well, at least the response or lack thereof gave me that conclusion whether accurate or not.

That said I know how incredibly important and impact full it is to bring relationships to full completion and not leaving words unspoken.  We never know what life holds for any of us and I do my best to live from a place of no regrets.  I had the opportunity to have a virtual sit-down with Megan recently to have her share a bit more about her work and the book. I hope you enjoy this interview!

1) Tell us a bit about yourself and what you do.
I’m a freelance writer based in Portland, Oregon, and I mainly write fitness and health stories for magazines (you know those articles that say Top Ten Ways to Tone Your Abs? That’s often me! I get to play “fun with alliteration” by saying things like “chisel your cheeks” and “get great glutes”!). I’ve also edited two other anthologies, Woman’s Best Friend: Women Writers on the Dogs in Their Lives, and Cat Women: Female Writers on Our Feline Friends, both also published by Seal Press.

2) What inspired you to spearhead the compilation “PS What I Didn’t Say”?
Well, it actually came out of a conversation I was having with my boyfriend about a friendship meltdown. In the middle of my entire analysis of each and every exchange this friend and I had (“and then she said…and then I said…”) he was staring at me blankly and was just like “I don’t get it, why are you friends with her then?” And it made me realize how much we put up with, but on the flip side, how much we get from our female friends. I liked the letter aspect because it’s a little juicier, the reader can feel like she’s almost reading someone’s journal rather than being talked to directly (and who doesn’t like that?).

3) From your experience working with all these writers – what are some of the common themes/obstacles that keep women from sharing what they most yearn to communicate?
I think we definitely build things up a lot more and let things fester, because we don’t want to offend. It’s funny, I’m actually in the middle of just that problem with a long-time pal, and it’s my fault–I didn’t tell her what I was really feeling about a situation until it built up so much that I totally shocked her last week by unloading on her when she came to me with a problem, which isn’t fair. If instead I had just told her all along how I’d been feeling about this situation she’s in, we could have had a meaningful conversation about it and all would have been fine. Likewise, a friend of mine just yesterday asked me for advice on the exact same thing, where a friend of hers exploded on her out of the blue and there seems to be more going on under the surface. It’s made me conscious of trying to voice problems when they first occur rather than waiting for it to build up.

4) How did you find all your contributors? Did you find them? They find you?
I found a lot of the contributors myself from writer-friends or writer-friends-of-friends. And since I’d already compiled the first two anthologies, I did reach out to previous contributors. That said, unlike my previous two books which were more specific (dogs and cats) and therefore eliminated some writers who didn’t have either, this topic was more broad so in general I did let writers find me too, and I put out a “call for submissions” on various freelance-writing boards. Of course, after I put the book together I was kicking myself because there were still some writers with whom I’d have loved to work but they didn’t hear about my project until it was too late. Perhaps a sequel?

5) What was your biggest insight or learning from doing this project?
My biggest insight was that I’m certainly not alone! From straight-out BFF tributes to frenemies to childhood friends who snubbed you, we can all relate to each other’s stories. In fact, my favorite part of these projects is when the contributors then read each other’s stories and relate to each other. I’ve had friendships form whereby a contributor will ask “may I have so-and-so’s email address?” because they can relate to a particular story, and that’s so cool to me! It was definitely a community feel putting this book together, and I’m proud to say I love each and every one of the writers in this, we all worked together very well and encouraged each other (and during the editing process, I bonded with a lot of them with “hey, this happened to me too!” notes back and forth, so it was therapeutic to say the least!).

6) What do you think would be possible or different if we took the time to truly tell our stories especially to those that matter most to us?
Besides what I already mentioned about voicing a problem when it first occurs, I also really feel strongly about always giving a compliment when it’s on your mind. I actually often make a point to do this to female strangers–if I admire a woman’s hair or coat or shoes, and we’re standing in line at the grocery store, even if I’m in a bad mood or don’t feel like talking I force myself to make this notation out loud. It never fails to brighten up their day and in turn brighten up mine. And I’m hardly a Pollyana type overall, but this is just a personal mission of mine. What I am more recently trying to do is also give those who are close to me the same compliments in a more general sense. For example, this week while I was emailing with a mutual friend about this friendship blowout, my friend was enlightening me to some different sides of the story I may not have seen. She was so thoughtful about it and took such time to explain all the nuances that I really was blown away, and this is someone I’ve known since I was five, and it just made me feel so thankful to have her as my longtime pal. I then commented on how lucky I was to have her in my life because she cares so much about her friendships, and I told her how wonderful she is (okay, pass the Kleenex, ha!). But I do think having put this book together has made me try and be more open that way. Obviously, it’s a work in progress and I’m not perfect but I’m at least making some efforts!

7) How can folks find out more about you, the book, and the other great work you’re up to?
Thanks for asking! My website is www.meganmcmorris.com, which lists my other books and work, and the book website is www.psanthology.wordpress.com, where you can find excerpts of all the letters. Thank you so much!

I first saw Suzanne Westenhoefer many moons ago in Philadelphia. Kim & I laughed until we almost wet our pants. Even to this day one of us only needs to spit out a punch line from one of Suzanne’s skits to make ourselves laugh (after all crazy behavior like this is part of the secret to longevity in relationships, right?).

Last year when we went on our Olivia cruise we had the chance to get an even bigger taste of Suzanne onstage not only with her own show but the little mini-bursts of hysteria when she was emcee-ing. The woman is hysterical and tells it like it is — no one is safe, not even the unsuspecting audience. If you haven’t seen her do her magic – put seeing a live show or watching one of the DVD’s on your short list of to-do’s.

I’m tickled pink and filled with gratitude that Suzanne took time out of her crazy schedule to take part in this interview… so without further ado…

1) What was the inspiration that led to your career in comedy?

I don’t think I had inspiration. More I had pushing from some friends, my partner at the time and some people where I bar tended. It honestly would never have occurred to me to do stand up. Once the idea was in my head, however…I couldn’t let it go.

2) What words of wisdom would you give to women today who are embarking on a career in comedy or entertainment?

The best words of wisdom are really just go and do it and work. Because you will work for so long for no money, or it will actually cost you money to get to the club….you will work late nights with drunks, the beginning of a comedy career is hard. I think that it’s to weed out the weak. If you don’t really feel the need from a deep space inside you to get up and do it…..the struggle in the beginning will push you out.

3) What kind of experience did you have before becoming a comedian full time?

After saying all that in the last answer…..I must admit my beginning was amazing. I won a contest my first time up….I was getting paid within the year (nothing major but money nonetheless) and in two years I was traveling as a headliner. My HBO special happened when I had been doing stand up for only three years. But I know that is all very unusual. I was fortunate and I was one of the first to talk about queer. That changed everything for me.

4) Your style of comedy is unscripted and bold bringing truth to the forefront in its funniest light. To pull this off (and even make pajama bingo funny as hell) takes tremendous confidence and timing. How would you say being comfortable in your own skin has contributed to your success? During times when you haven’t felt so comfy in your skin, how did that create challenges, obstacles, or barriers to being successful?

The truth is I am only comfortable in my own skin completely when I am on stage. That’s the secret or trick. That’s what pushes me out there to keep going and to do more and explore more. If I were uncomfortable on stage I would have no act….no career.

5) Have you experienced any challenges in your professional life because you are a lesbian?

The biggest challenge I have had in my professional life is not because I am lesbian but because I am an “out” lesbian. Because I refuse to take it out of my act or water it down or not talk about it. I did this on my terms but I am well aware that I’ve lost gigs and opportunities because of that. I don’t care; it was only my agenda from the beginning to be open. It hurts when others get so far because they stay in the closet but I can’t focus on that.

6) What keeps you going on the tough days?

What keeps me going is audience laughter. Knowing when you get up there that they will be laughing and giving you so much. I am addicted to that. It is why most comics never stop doing stand up.

7) What are your top three measures of success?

Being able to work. Being able to pay your bills. Getting recognized for what you do.

Your career has certainly grown over the years from your first comedy competition (on a dare no less) in the early-1990′s to the ubiquitous presence you have today performing on land, at sea, on the small screen (and who knows maybe in outer space one day . What is the wildest success story you can imagine for your future?

My wildest success story that I can imagine for the future is to be King. I have always wanted to rule. And not in a democracy. That wouldn’t work for me. I need to be the czar …..not a mean one. I don’t want to rule with violence or anything negative. I just want everyone to do as I say because I have thought about it and I do know better.

9) What are some of the secrets that have worked (and those you discovered didn’t work so well) as you have balanced the demands of traveling, performing, and building your career with personal pursuits over the long haul?

There are no secrets to making the home, career etc. all work. It is having the people around you who want it all to work too, so that there is a team. I kid my friends etc. that they are “Team Suzanne” but it’s true…..to do this is impossible alone. I chant, I am a Buddhist so that also guides my life but in the end it’s all the people you let in (and occasionally kick out) that get you where you need to be. So maybe the trick is to make sure you have good people around you and that you are exceptionally good to them.

10) What brings you the most joy personally or professionally?

Personally I get the most joy from being there for someone who needs me and being able to actually help them. I am a closet mom/therapist/guru. Personal joy for me is being with Jennifer when both have no where to go, when it’s quiet and we are just lying around together.

Professional joy is being appreciated. Audience laugher, people saying they had a great time at the show….having someone want to hire you because they love you. Acceptance is HUGE in the entertainment business but comics suffer from that need even more.

More about Suzanne…

Fearless. Bold. Sparkly. Hilarious. That’s Suzanne Westenhoefer in a nutshell. She’s made a career out of telling the truth. And, the truth is, life is funny (and no one is off limits). From her sister’s obsession with “Passion of the Christ” to her girlfriend’s Herculean thighs, Suzanne tells stories that leave audiences in stitches.

Suzanne works mostly unscripted, so when she hits the stage it’s an unpredictable, original night of comedy magic. Since winning her first comedy competition on a dare in the early 1990s, Suzanne’s career has taken off.

Her comedy special and documentary, “A Bottom on Top,” aired on LOGO Television in fall 2007. In the summer of 2006, Suzanne starred nightly on the GSN’s remake of the classic game show, “I’ve Got a Secret,” entertaining audiences as the “token girl” on a hilarious all-gay panel with ex-Major League Baseball player Billy Bean, radio icon Frank DeCaro and Broadway’s Jermaine Taylor. Currently, Suzanne is writing her first book.

The first openly gay comedian in New York, Suzanne did gay material to straight audiences in mainstream comedy clubs. She was the first lesbian comedian to garner an HBO Comedy Special, which earned her a Cable Ace Award nomination.

On land or at sea, Suzanne delights audiences with over 100 performances a year at theatres, clubs, colleges, fundraisers and cruise and resort vacations (Olivia and RSVP Vacations). Touring with the Indigo Girls and Ani DiFranco made Suzanne wish she’d been born a rockstar.

COMEDY CDS / DVD & AWARDS

“HBO Comedy with Suzanne Westenhoefer” (1994) : Nominated for a Cable Ace Award
“Nothing in my Closet but my Clothes” (1999): Gay and Lesbian American Music Award (GLAMA)
winner for best comedy CD
“I’m Not Cindy Brady” (2000): GLAMA winner for best comedy CD
“Guaranteed Fresh” (2003) : GLAMA winner for best comedy CD
“Live at the Village” (2006)
“A Bottom on Top” [2007]

CONTACTS

press
Shannon Wentworth
925.212.5828

booking
Tam Martin
503.281.3874

In this installment of the Coaching4Lesbians interview series I am pleased to present Kathy Belge. Kathy is the expert behind About.com’s official guide to Lesbian Life as well as the “Dipstick” half of the punchy advice giving team of Lipstick & Dipstick seen in Curve Magazine. I first discovered her writing via these avenues but Kathy is a talented freelance writer with a diverse portfolio and a passion to make a difference in the world.

1) What were some of your professional experiences before becoming a full time freelance writer? How have these experiences informed and influenced your writing?

Actually, I was a social worker for fifteen years before I became a full time freelance writer. Right out of college I started working at a small women’s organization in New York State. I went on to work for Planned Parenthood and started volunteering with lesbian & gay youth. After a few years, I realized my true passion was the work with youth. I moved to Oregon in 1993 and from 1995-2003 worked with LGBT youth. When I left social services, I was director of the largest LGBT youth organization in Oregon. I loved that work, but just decided it was time to do something different. I had reached the pinnacle of that career for myself.

2) How did you first discover writing was a talent and passion for you ?

I loved writing from an early age, pretty much from when I learned to read. Books were a way for me to escape my hectic family life. (I grew up with seven siblings.) I took every writing course I could in high school and was editor of my high school paper. I was encouraged by my teachers and I actually went to journalism school. After I graduated from college, I decided I wanted to make more of a difference working directly with people.

3) About.com is one of the biggest sources of information on the web. You’re
the official guide to lesbian life on the site. How do you choose what topics fall into (or out of) the “Lesbian Life” category given as lesbians we are such a diverse group and pretty much defy any attempts to be pinned down? How do you keep your motivation along the way?

I tell you, it’s hard. Sometimes breaking news is important to cover, but I try to stick to evergreen content. People write to me with a lot of basic questions, so I use those sometimes to come up with article ideas. I also try to think about what people are searching for on the web. Like right now Rosie O’Donnell is hot. So I try to get conversations going about Rosie and her role on The View. I have a notebook that I jot down in whenever I come up with an idea for an article. I have literally hundreds of article ideas. I will never run out of things to write about on About.com. It’s not hard for me to stay motivated. I love what I do!

4) Have you experienced any challenges in your professional life because you
are a lesbian?

Not that I can recall. I call myself the professional lesbian. Every career I’ve been in has pretty much been ABOUT me being a lesbian.

5) What keeps you going on the tough days?

The beauty of working for yourself is you can take the tough days off! Seriously, I don’t have many tough days in this job. I love it!

6) You do a wide variety of writing. What is your favorite types of writing/assignments and why?

I love the type of writing where I’m helping someone out. When people write in and I can tell they’re so desperate, they don’t know where else to turn. I enjoy giving those people support and information.

I also love the work I do with Lipstick & Dipstick. Lipstick & Dipstick is an advice column that I write for Curve magazine with my writing partner Gina Daggett. The thing I love about that is we get to be campy and funny, but also help women out. It’s entertainment and social services all wrapped in one. Plus, I love collaborating with Gina. She’s a great inspiration to me.

7) What are your top three measures of success?

1. That I’m happy with what I’m doing.
2. That I make a difference in the world.
3. That I get paid to do the above.

What is the wildest success story you can imagine for your future?

That I have a TV show and a best-selling book – all things that help lesbians live happier and fuller lives.

9) What was your experience collaborating on the book “Reading The L Word:
Outing Contemporary Television” like? What advice would you give to aspiring writers when it comes to finding meaningful work and making a sustainable living?

Writing for Reading for The L Word was fun, but I didn’t make any money off that! When I wanted to quit my job and start writing full time, I started to write for my local gay paper. That is a great place to start! I also read everything I could about starting a freelance career, joined the local gay business organization, took classes at the community college. It took me a few years before I was able to make a living off my writing, but I am doing it now. My best advice is to find your niche and write to it. But certainly, I had to take on some jobs and clients that were outside that to pay the bills. I also experimented with different kinds to writing to see where I excelled.

10) What brings you the most joy personally or professionally?

I love spending time with my partner of 15 years and my two Alaskan malamutes. I’m an avid biker and just started running this year. I live in the Pacific Northwest, a beautiful part of the country, so I have to get myself away from this computer screen from time to time and enjoy nature’s bounty.

This installment of my interview series is extra special. When Gina Trapani from Lifehacker agreed to participate in my interview series I felt as if the goddess of all blogs agreed to come play at my house. If you spend any time in the blogosphere and have technology leanings, then she needs no introduction to you. If, like me you were a little slow in discovering who’s who on the ‘net let me just say that she runs the biggest and most popular blog on the Internet when it comes to technology and simply finding more efficient ways to use technology and gadgets to tackle life’s more geeky challenges.

1) What was your inspiration to start Lifehacker?

Back in 2004, a tech journalist named Danny O’Brien did a presentation called “Life Hacks: The Secrets of Overprolific Alpha Geeks.” His thesis was that “alpha geeks” – and he used that term in a complimentary way, meaning people on the cutting edge of technology – develop secret systems to filter information and get their stuff done.

The idea captured me. Mostly because I’m a computer voyeur – I love to see how people get their jobs done, to pick up little tips and ideas. Also because I loved the idea of re-engineering your workflow to make tech work for you in clever ways, making the interface between human beings and machines something unique and interesting.

2) As someone who is clearly successful as an independent programmer, technology writer, and more… what words of wisdom would you give to women today who want to break out on their own and be independent or self-employed?

For aspiring independent technologists, I’d say don’t put too much weight on degrees, certifications or any piece of paper that says you’re officially an expert. Most technologists, programmers especially, are self-taught because they have insatiable curiosity and are willing to tinker, try, fail, RTFM (Read the Frackin’ Manual) and try again, till it works. You want to learn a new programming language? Roll up your sleeves, find a tutorial online or a book, and get started. Women aren’t socialized or encouraged to “play” with computers for fun or curiosity, but every good technologist I know does just that.

For women in other fields, my simple piece of advice would be: Don’t think for one second that you can’t do it, because you can.

3) How did you first discover technology was a talent and passion for you ?

I was very young, about 9 years old, when my Dad bought our first home computer. It was 1984, and the machine was an IBM PCjr. I was a painfully shy and awkward kid, but I could make that computer do what I wanted, and it thrilled me. I wrote a lot of BASIC.

4) Lifehacker is one of the top blogs out there, period. For people tapping into the blogosphere now, you might seem like an overnight success, yet I know a lot of hard work over time went into your success. How did you break down the process to get from launch to huge success (and build a collaboration with other editors) and keep your motivation along the way?

Post by post, one post at a time. Getting Lifehacker to where it is now has been a long road – over 2 years of posting 6-12 times a day,thousands of words every day. It’s been a labor of love, the perfect combination of writing and software and helping people, and that’s what gets me going every single day. I think every person starting a blog right now should ask themselves right now why they want to do it – for love? money? ego? If the answer’s love, you’ve got the best motivation in the world. I don’t know who said that you should do the thing you can’t NOT do, but it’s the truth.

5) Have you experienced any challenges in your professional life because you are a lesbian?

Besides a couple of your garden-variety internet trolls who’ve called me names, to my knowledge I’ve never been discriminated against professionally for being queer. I’ve been out of the closet since high school, and living in New York City and working in technology put me at an advantage, since people tend to be more liberal in the city and in this industry.

I’ve made it a personal policy to come out to potential employers in the interview process to filter out any that might have a problem with it. None have. In fact, I think that in some cases, my sexuality has worked to my advantage. It differentiates me, removes any potential sexual dynamic with my mostly male colleagues. Also, I’m a tomboy by nature so it’s easy for me to fall into the role of being “one of the guys.” Without, you know, the testosterone silliness and pressure that guys put on themselves to one up each other.

6) What keeps you going on the tough days?

My partner, my friends and my family. I love computers, but it’s people who really matter.

7) What are your top three measures of success?

There are three questions I’d ask to determine whether or not something was a success. Was it good for you? Was it good for me? Was it good for the world?

What is the wildest success story you can imagine for Lifehacker’s and your future?

Great question! This isn’t very wild, but it’s still my goal every single day, personally and through Lifehacker: to give people information they didn’t have before that makes their life easier. My wildest Lifehacker fantasy is showing someone how to save enough time working more efficiently so that they can spend more time playing.

9) What are some of the secrets that have worked (and those you discovered didn’t work so well) as you have balanced the demands of running a successful independent business and blog with personal pursuits over the long haul?

I have much to learn in this area. You’re supposed to work to live, not live to work. But it’s still easy for me to get sucked into work and forget to eat, sleep or even go outside. So being mindful of taking care of my body – eating well, getting the right amount of sleep, exercising, going out into the sunshine and breathing fresh air – all these things help you recharge and readjust priorities. I try to have one computer-free day a week – usually Saturday – to avoid screen burnout. Hobbies that don’t involve electricity – like gardening or bodyboarding – are great ways to switch gears and get into a totally different mindset. Travelling, getting out to talk to people also freelancing, or just taking a quick weekend trip can really help you get perspective, too.

When you’re a freelancer, especially a new freelancer, it’s scary. You adopt a hungry, scarcity mindset, worrying about from where and when your next check will come. Everyone does; I did (and sometimes still do!). But one thing I’ve learned doesn’t work is taking on a client or job that you hate just because you’re afraid there won’t be anything else. If you’ve got no love for what you’re doing, if your motivation is fear, it’ll come out in the work, and you’ll just get more of the same. Saying ‘no’ is ok. In fact, sometimes it’s required. Do what you love and more opportunities will come your way.

10) What brings you the most joy personally or professionally?

Helping others. If I weren’t a tech writer I’d be a teacher, or a nurse, or a financial advisor, or a therapist. The best thing that can happen to me is to receive an email that says, “Hey this thing you wrote really helped me! I had no idea you could do that.” What a feeling that is.

About Gina:

Gina Trapani (http://ginatrapani.org) is an independent web programmer and technology writer based in San Diego, California. Relocated from Brooklyn, New York, Gina is the founding editor of Lifehacker.com, a weblog on software and productivity, and the author of Lifehacker: 88 Tech Tricks to Turbocharge Your Day (http://lifehackerbook.com.)

In this installment of my interview series I get the pleasure of introducing you to Joanne Fleisher of Lavender Visions. I first heard of Joanne’s work when I was networking with some folks at the Bucks County Lesbian Alliance during a virtual networking meeting I hosted. Some time passed, and then I heard about Joanne again and then again. It was one of those things where the same message – “you should connect with Joanne” came to me several times and then I finally engaged my brain and contacted her. (Sometimes I need to listen more closely to the messages around me too!)

If you (or someone you know) is a married woman coming to grips with her sexuality, you won’t want to miss Joanne’s work. To learn more about Joanne in her own words…read on…

1) What was your inspiration to start Lavender Visions?

I was conducting my private therapy practice some 15 years ago, helping numerous women with coming out issues and other concerns that would have been helped best through support or therapy groups. There were NONE in Philadelphia at the time. I decided to fill that need.

There is always an issue of how to reach women who are dealing with different aspects of coming out when they are not connected to the gay media or resources. I saw the value of the Internet- back then even though most therapists were not yet using the Internet to reach people. Lavender Visions became the site I developed to market the groups that I was offering- which included, coming out, relationship loss, and married women attracted to women groups. Women who were searching the internet found me. I also used straight media resources to reach these women. Over the years I developed many resources that became a part of my web site.

2) Your personal and professional experience has dealt a lot with the struggles of discovering one’s sexuality while married to a man. What words of wisdom would you give to women today who are discovering their sexuality later in life especially women who are currently married?

If you are a married woman going through this transition, your life is filled with turbulence. You might want to make decisions just to end the overwhelming stress. Be patient, give yourself as much time as you need to make sure your choices come from within. Get the necessary support (therapy, books, support groups) to find a way of life that is authentic for you.

3)What kind of experience do you have/did you have before founding Lavender Visions?

Before going back to graduate school, I was involved in the Philadelphia women’s health care movement. I helped establish the first women owned and run healthcare clinic in the country (the Elizabeth Blackwell Clinic) and was an interim director. While raising my two children, I worked part time as a pregnancy options counselor. Later, I became the clinical supervisor of an organization called Women In Transition, dealing with addiction and domestic violence against women. Later, as a licensed clinical social worker in private practice, I provided psychotherapy to individuals, couples, and groups and worked as a consultant designing workshops and groups for other organizations. In recent years, I have overseen an advice/support Internet message board for married women who are lesbian, bi, or questioning their sexuality–the Ask Joanne board. And of course I had a book on the subject published in 2005, called Living Two Lives: Married to a Man & In Love with a Woman.

4) I love the fact that you work with lesbian couples using the imago therapy approach. Tell us a little about that approach and your work with lesbian couples.

Imago therapy recognizes that the patterns that appear in our relationships are often linked to unmet needs of our childhood. It’s no mistake that we find partners who will recreate familiar frustrations we experienced growing up. According to Imago theory, this creates an opportunity for partners to work together to heal childhood wounds. For example, if you had to take care of family members, you may find yourself always taking care of your partner. If you felt nobody would listen or take you seriously, you may feel unheard or misunderstood.

As an Imago therapist, I act as a coach for each couple, providing very specific skills to create more compassionate dialogue, different from old learned behaviors. Understanding the roots of reactive responses often eases our own reactions and allows us to listen with a new level of understanding. Behind most of our hurt and angry interactions lies a desire to just be understood.

I have found this approach in working with gays and lesbians is particularly powerful because it doesn’t pathologize behavior and tends to underscore the strengths and the affection expressed in our intimate relationships. Lesbian couples who come to therapy often have no one in their lives rooting for the relationship and validating their love and commitment. I see that as my role and I provide an atmosphere of respect and belief in the potential healthiness of each relationship.

5) Have you experienced any challenges in your professional life because you are a lesbian?

At an earlier point in my career I had to decide how to market my practice, how open I would be as a lesbian therapist. I knew that there would be individuals and even other professionals who would have less respect for that specialty (homophobia at work). And the fear was that it might limit my practice. I actually have found that many straight therapists and lesbian and gay clients appreciate my openness about being a lesbian therapist. My practice is largely, but not completely, lesbian, and it is as varied as any other practice in terms of problems areas and ethnic and cultural differences. It can be uncomfortable to be in a position of coming out constantly to people whenever they want to know what kind of work I do. The more I come out in those situations, however, the more self-affirmed I feel. I feel a sense of mission that many other professionals don’t have and that tends to outweigh the difficulties of being lesbian in a homophobic culture.

6) What keeps you going on the tough days?

Because I use the Internet and emails as a part of my practice, I receive the most incredibly appreciative messages about the help my book and my practice has provided. I have 2 grandchildren who give me a sense of rejuvenation and wonder. And I have a wonderful partner who listens and supports me.

7) What are your top three measures of success?

The love in my life: my partner (of 28 years), my grown children and grandchildren
Expressions of gratitude (from the women who have read my book or received help from me)
Recognition as an expert: leads to more economic success as well.

What has been the greatest joys and biggest challenges of being an author?

Again, the greatest joy is consistently hearing from the women who have read my book that it was life altering and helped them through a terribly difficult time. Having the opportunity to be on the Oprah show was a once in a lifetime exciting event.

The actual writing of the book while also working at my practice was very draining, and the publishing world is disrespectful of first time authors. There is almost no financial reward for the book itself.

9) What are some of the secrets that have worked (and those you discovered didn’t work so well) as you have balanced the demands of running a successful practice with personal pursuits?

When you work for yourself, you need to be very careful about setting limits on your time and availability. I am good at setting clear boundaries with clients. However, I love the creativity in the work that I do and I always come up with new ideas for new programs. This excitement can cause me to overextend myself. I am learning to stop what I am doing at the end of my workday. I am ever more conscious that life is finite and I must make the time and take the steps to do now what it is that I really desire for feeding my soul (yoga, exercise, travel, reading etc.).

10) What brings you the most joy personally or professionally?

Talking to people and learning from them- both personally and professionally. I also love watching my little grandchildren develop as human beings.

About Joanne

In 1978, Joanne Fleisher was married with two little girls, ages seven and nine, and living a comfortable suburban life. She discovered her attraction to another woman and her world turned topsy turvy.

It was the beginning of Joanne’s coming-out journey, filled with confusion, excitement, and fear. Eighteen months later, Joanne decided to leave her husband She and her husband worked out an amicable divorce with shared custody of the children. In 1979, few people were talking about those women who were married to men and yet seriously questioning their choices. She developed a career that would address many of her unmet needs of that time.

Joanne completed her master’s degree from Bryn Mawr School of Social Work in 1981, developed a clinical practice, and then began to create programs that would address the needs of other women like her. She provides workshops and support groups for married women, offers individual and couples therapy, as well as telephone consultation and counseling nationally and internationally for anyone involved with the married woman’s journey.

Joanne’s Web site (http://www.lavendervisions.com) describes her programs and offers resources. She moderates and provides expertise on a message board called “Ask Joanne”, on which she offers advice to women who are married to men and attracted to women. Today Joanne is in a 28 year relationship with a woman and is a grandparent of two little boys, and expects 2 more grandchildren in the near future.

This installment of the Successful Lesbian Businesswomen’s Interview Series finds us in conversation with Tracey Stevens and Katherine Wunder of Amazing Dreams Publishing. The sheer number of pursuits these two are up to are too numerous for me to do justice to, so I’ll let them do the talking…

1) What was your inspiration to start Amazing Dreams Publishing?

Tracey Stevens: I was inspired by my mentor, Patricia Nell Warren. My work had been rejected by mainstream NYC publishers for many years. I was searching for lesbian publishers and came upon Wildcat Press. It turned out that Patricia Nell Warren owned Wildcat Press, and Patricia’s novel “The Beauty Queen” was the first gay-themed book I’d ever read when I was 15 years old. I contacted Patricia about reviewing one of my novels. I always write about issues that most other writers won’t touch, like women becoming successful after experiencing hard circumstances, such as child abuse. Patricia was not accepting outside manuscripts at that time, but she read some of my work. She suggested I write some non-fiction books about how you can be a success even though you may have gone through hard times in the past. This is how the book “How To Be A Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide” was born. Patricia also encouraged me to take back the control of my own work and open my own company–the rest is herstory.

Katherine Wunder: The publishing company is all Tracey’s idea and her baby. She has done an incredible job of building the company into something to be proud of. It is more than a publishing company, it is a lesbian community resource with many facets. There are free e-cards, a coming out support group, networking groups, LGBT links, horoscopes, etc. Again, these are all Tracey’s conceptualizations of what she would have liked to have had available to her in her coming out process.

2) What is/was your background prior to starting this endeavor?

TS: I had studied art and writing my whole life, but everyone kept telling me that I would never make any money at it. I settled for a degree in Mechanical Engineering/Technical Illustration. The technical illustration end took care of my need to create art, but I found so much prejudice from men in my field, that I became a graphic/web designer instead. I’ve always written stories since I was a little kid, and won several awards in school, so writing and art are the things I love most–that and working with animals–especially horses.

KW: Professionally, I’ve worked in the same field for almost 16 years. I’ve worked in-patient psychiatric, outpatient case management and therapy, emergency mental health services in community mental health settings, outpatient private practice and treatment of people charged with DWI’s and possession charges. I’ve done individual and group therapy as part of these settings. Prior to that I spent years as a college student, getting both a BA and an MA doing work ranging from landscaping, to Burger King, to student assistant, to secretary.

3) Have you experienced any challenges in your professional life because you are a lesbian?

TS: Yes! Many times I’ve been fired from jobs and harassed into quitting because of my sexual orientation. I had one boss hire a private detective to follow me on my time off. He fired me when it was determined that I am lesbian. I also had a co-worker look right at me and say “We don’t believe in you!” meaning he and his church. I told him when he started paying my bills I might possibly care what he believed in, but it would be really doubtful.

KW: For the most part, my experiences have been very supportive and accepting from co-workers and administrations. I have been released from two jobs due to my coming out though. In one instance I worked in-patient and another was working in a private practice setting. Ironically, the technique usually is just stop scheduling me for shifts, in the in-patient case, and in the case of the out-patient private practice they just stopped scheduling new clients for me. The last time something like this happened was not a job, in and of itself, but part of my job. The agency I worked at assigned me to the local religious based homeless mission. They also used the, “We don’t have anyone for you to screen”, same old excuse. I found out from a friend at another agency, that the mission had called them asking for someone to come do what I had done. The mission had, just a few months before that, offered me a full-time position doing that job when they got the funding. The mission told my friend that one of the staff had gone out on the net and looked me up and found out about my sexual orientation. She was told that they just couldn’t have me there under the circumstances.

4) What keeps you going on the tough days?

TS: The work I do in the Support For Lesbians Coming Out online group is really important to me–that and the emails I receive from women worldwide. We posted all the comments on the Amazing Dreams Website, and whenever I feel as if the Internet World is pushing me over the edge, I go online and read those comments. It totally puts what we are doing back into perspective for me.

KW: What keeps me going is knowing that a difference is being made in women’s lives, whether we see it or not. Yes, it’s nice and a great experience to be able to witness someone’s “Ah-Ha” moment but, it is also knowing that work you do is planting seeds and you may not be around to see them grow and bloom but knowing that they will is just as rewarding.

5) What are your top three measures of success?

TS: I would say my biggest measure of success is if I feel in my heart that I am doing what I am meant to do with my short time here on the Earth. This leads to my second measure of success which is happiness in my own life, which leads to my third measure of success which is love for everything around me–especially Kathy and our animals.

KW: I’d say my first is my happiness and knowing I am setting great boundaries for me and sticking to them. If I don’t take care of me, I can’t be there in a significant way for anyone else. The second is allowing others to be in the space of where they are, regardless of their relationship to me; in allowing them their process and knowing that if they want me to be a part of that they will invite me in to help (that holds true for Tracey, family and friends). The third is staying grounded in who I am, being accepting and non-judgmental of myself or others (part of allowing people their process) and feeling the love I have for others, and accepting love from those that I choose to have in my life, be that Tracey, family, friends, and clients.

6) What is the wildest success story you can imagine for Amazing Dreams Publishing’s future?

TS: The wildest success story: hmmm, I guess that would be that our company went so big that it would bring a positive change in every woman’s life worldwide. That means lesbian, bi, straight, trans women, and all the people who love them. I’d love to see our books and website make a huge difference in how happy women are in their lives, which in turn would give them power to be who they truly are: Goddesses incarnate : )

KW: Mine is close to Tracey’s. It would be in knowing that we are helping any woman learn to stand in her own power as a woman, human being, partner, mother, etc. Learning to do that in all the roles that they have in their lives. None of us do that all the time, like the old saying says, “under stress we regress.” The dream is to help women do that most of the time, and to learn to stand in that power even under stress.

7) What are your future plans for your company?

TS: My dream since I first came out as a teenager has been to create a community where women can live together and work together in a safe haven. So my biggest plan is to have a huge tract of land somewhere here in the mountains of North Carolina where Kathy and I can have a conference center that offers all kinds of workshops and seminars, maybe writing conferences, relationship seminars, Kathy can offer counseling services. We are wanting to have cabins and camping areas so that women can come and stay on the land and participate. Another thing: I’m very much into horses; I’ve had horses all my life, and at some point I want to incorporate my knowledge of horses and provide therapeutic programs for people who’ve been abused.

KW: Pretty much what Tracey said above. I’d love to do human potential type seminars, and help people leave behind old patterns they have outgrown and need to release. I’d also like to gear these seminars toward people realizing the strengths they have, and the wondrous parts of themselves that they don’t know are there.

What brings you the most joy personally or professionally?

TS: I have a lot of joy in my life. Just sitting around with Kathy and watching our crazy animals do tricks in our house–they bring so much joy and love into our lives. Spending time with my horse would be another highlight of my life. Even though he can be a pesky stallion sometimes, he brings me a lot of joy.

KW: Personally, it isn’t any different a picture than what Tracey paints. We have two big dogs, five cats, and a pigeon in the house. Tracey’s horse is in training elsewhere, and thank goodness he doesn’t live in the house! They do more than enough to keep us entertained. Or is that the other way around? Professionally, it is knowing that I can make a difference in people’s lives by helping them to see things in a different light.

9) Tell us more about Amazing Dreams Publishing and what is most unique about what you offer?

TS: We have over 1,000 free resources on our website. Along with our Support For Lesbians Coming Out group, we also have 4 Regional Networking groups, and several more Networking Groups for women in English speaking countries. The Networking Groups are for friendship and meeting women in local geographic areas. For dating we have online dating tips and links to dating websites that our members have suggested to us. We also have online galleries set up for LGBT and LGBT Friendly artists, that feature over 950 designs as free Ecards; the top 75 lesbian movie reviews; LGBT News Feeds; LGBT Marriage Updates; “Out There” Lesbian Comic Strip; Astroflash Lesbian Horoscopes; an online Flower Shop for lesbians; a coming out section on our website that has over 100 resources; an online bookstore that features our books and books from other publishers; links to lesbian and fantasy women art prints and magnets, lesbian pride gear, and lesbian commitment and wedding rings. We offer a lot on our website, and we are always looking for ways to offer even more.

KW: The uniqueness of our site is that no one else is doing what we are doing. Tracey is the hand on the reins with this. She designs the site. Tracey is a Goddess of graphic design and art–a true Renaissance woman–she designs, does art, and writes. She asks for my input and feedback, but, like I said earlier, if it weren’t for her amazing dreams, none of this would exist.

To learn more and tap into the resources Tracey and Kathy mention, visit the Amazing Dreams Publishing website at http://www.amazingdreamspublishing.com.

This installment of the interview series brings us Dana Rudolph of Mombian – Sustenance for Lesbian Moms. I first discovered Mombian when I started blogging and was thrilled to see a site like this for lesbian Moms even though I don’t have kids personally. After all being a Mom is a hugely important job, but you need to nourish and grow yourself personally even while you’re being a Mom. A lot of times that gets lost in the shuffle and falls to the bottom of the priority pile. Ignoring your own needs only results in cranky, unhappy Moms who resent their kids and we all know that kids pick up on that. Not to mention I am a big advocate for walking your talk to teach your kids through example that it is important to take care of yourself and make YOU a priority. Never too soon to teach that lesson from home.

Now onto the wonderfully rich interview with Dana.

1) What was your inspiration to start Mombian – Sustenance for Lesbian Moms?

Mombian was the creation of several coverging influences. I’d been involved in LGBT advocacy for some time, as head of Merrill Lynch’s LGBT employee network, but becoming a mom channeled my interests into LGBT family issues. I became a stay-at-home mom after my son’s first year and wanted an activity that would keep my activist and business neurons firing. My background is in marketing and business strategies for online services, so an online outlet seemed natural.

In looking at existing Web sites, I found personal blogs by LGBT parents, LGBT parenting sites focused on legal, political, and medical issues, non-LGBT sites with advice and ideas on childraising, and sites of LGBT political and entertainment news. There seemed to be a need, however, for a site at the intersection of these areas, a place that combined general and LGBT-specific childraising advice and ideas, LGBT news from a parent’s perspective, and a hearty helping of lesbian culture to remind us that parenting doesn’t mean abandoning all our other interests.

I like to call Mombian a “lifestyle site for lesbian moms.” I’ve been doing a series of posts about this season of The L Word, for example, focusing on the show’s depiction of parents and children. I’ve noted when mainstream children’s toys inadvertently include androgynous family figures. I review new books for LGBT parents and their children ( e.g., The Different Dragon) as well as non-LGBT books that are still appropriate for our children or of interest to us as parents ( e.g., Lunch Lessons). Every Friday I also do a roundup of LGBT political news for busy parents who may not have kept up during the week.

I added the Mombian Resource Directory to the blog because my blogroll got too big. The Directory now has over 400 links to resources for LGBT parents on starting a family, raising a family, LGBT law and politics, building community (LGBT parenting blogs, forums, and offline groups), and caring for ourselves. Users can submit links, too, so the Directory is really a group effort.

2) Tell us a little about your decision to leave the (outside) work world to be a full time stay at home Mom. What was easiest/hardest part of making that choice?

My partner carried our son (with an egg from me), and stayed home for about a year while I worked. At that point, my business unit reorganized, and I decided I didn’t want to stay with the new group. My partner and I agreed that we’d both look for jobs, and whoever got the best offer would take it, with the other one staying home. I had an offer from a startup in a not-so-LGBT-friendly state, and my partner had one from a very LGBT-friendly, stable corporation, so she took the offer and I stayed home.

The easiest thing was agreeing with my partner about how we would make the decision. We felt lucky to be in a position, both in terms of our careers and our relationship, where either of us could have done either role.

One of the hardest parts of staying at home, though, is finding things to keep my brain engaged in an intellectual way. Not that raising children doesn’t take brainpower, but it’s a different kind of thinking. It’s also hard not bringing in my own money. My partner and I had always shared household expenses, but paid for our own incidentals–books, lunches with other friends, hobby-related items, etc. I have to remind myself that it’s all right to spend “her” money (now “our” money) when I want to treat myself to a latte. Not that she cares–neither of us is a spendthrift, and we’ve always trusted each other with money–but it’s a mental hurdle for me after years of working to maintain my own financial freedom.

3) What kind of experience do you have/did you have before starting Mombian?

I have over a decade of experience in the online industry, at both the startup and corporate levels. Most recently, I was a vice president at Merrill Lynch, developing marketing and business strategies for several key online initiatives. My first full-time job was at an Internet startup in New York during the dotcom craze. Prior to that, I was in graduate school studying medieval history and history of science. Lots of fun, but somewhat limiting in terms of career options. Still, my background in history of science has been useful in helping me think about the current interaction of science/technology and society and how businesses can leverage that.

4) How has your relationship with your partner evolved or been challenged as you’ve become parents? Have you experienced challenges transitioning to a one-income household and how have you successfully navigated those waters?

Becoming parents has forced us to resolve our arguments more quickly, and to confront issues rather than letting them fester. We’re interdependent now in a way we weren’t before, and that means our individual actions have a greater impact on each other and our son. It’s helped, however, that we’ve each had some stay-at-home time, and can better understand the other’s perspective on certain matters.

I tackled part of the income question above. The main challenge has been simply in scaling back our overall expenses. We’ve always been savers more than spenders, but halving our income and adding a person to the household was tough. We don’t eat out as much. Our home AV system is woefully outdated for two tech-savvy people. (My partner is a semiconductor engineer.) We buy a cheaper brand of coffee.

5) Have you experienced any challenges in your professional life because you are a lesbian?

No. If anything, being a lesbian has boosted my career. My volunteer role as head of Merrill Lynch’s global LGBT employee network of several hundred members gave me management experience and cross-firm visibility I would not otherwise have had. I also took the stance that if I simply brought up my partner naturally in conversation, just as my straight colleagues brought up their spouses, I’d force them to treat my being a lesbian as a normal thing. It seems to have worked.

Telling people I’d be out on maternity leave when I was very clearly not pregnant got me a few odd looks, but there was a straight colleague in my office who was going to be out on maternity leave after an adoption at about the same time, and she got the same looks. Our colleages gave us both very nice baby showers, nonetheless.

6) What keeps you going on the tough days?

Caffeine. A good workout. Mostly, though, keeping the long-term perspective. Looking back, my partner and I have been together almost fourteen years. Looking ahead, we have about fourteen years more of raising our son at home, and the rest of our lives together. We’ve handled a few bumps along the way, and will be able to handle a few more.

7) What are your top three measures of success?

• Have I made a positive difference in the world?
• Have I made a positive difference to my family and friends?
• In the process, have I maintained my happiness and sense of self, and been true to my core values?

What is the wildest success story you can imagine for Mombian’s future?

The real success would be if Mombian helps create a better, more equal world for my son, other children from LGBT families, and LGBT people as a whole. From a business perspective, however, if a major LGBT media firm wanted to buy Mombian, keep me on as editor in chief, and put its money and name behind marketing the site and attracting advertisers, I’d be pretty pleased. I’d view this as a step towards the social success above, with added financial benefits along the way.

9) What are your future career aspirations as your son grows older?

To have a career that is fulfilling intellectually and financially, while leaving enough time for family and self. Right now it’s an open question whether this means developing Mombian into something greater, going back to the corporate world, consulting on online business and marketing strategies, working as a writer, or some combination of the four.

10) What brings you the most joy personally or professionally?

• Sharing a new experience with my family or, conversely, taking comfort in doing something old and familiar with them.
• Accomplishing something that’s been a challenge.
• Working towards my successes above.

I’m on a roll here with great interviews and this week I bring you Master Guidance Coach Karin Bauer. I first heard about Karin when she contacted me through my website. Shortly thereafter I learned even more about what she does with her Guidance Cards as part of a special Coach U student/alumni message. I recently had the chance to do a demo session with Karin and work with the guidance cards firsthand. It was a really neat way to get out of your head, create new awareness, and get a new perspective on a challenge you might be experiencing.

Karin recently took the time to share more about herself and her guidance cards…

1) What was your inspiration to start guidance cards?

I began painting abstract artwork a few years ago when I was on a spiritual quest. The resulting artwork was close to my heart. In the beginning, I didn’t want to show this personal work to others, I felt somehow exposed. So I kept my art quite literally ‘hidden in a clothes closet’. A few years ago around the same time I came out of the ‘gay closet’, probably not by coincidence, I also came out with my art. It was a huge personal transition.

A friend of mine asked me to show her the artwork, and another friend made a screen saver of my art and then posted it on my website. Coming out with my art was actually harder than coming out personally!
After that, I began showing my art to anyone, even exhibiting it in galleries. Many people remarked how much they saw and felt by looking at my artwork. I realized then, that the artwork now needed to go out there to heal others. The idea of creating the ‘Art Guidance Cards’ came from having seen other cards with artwork on them. My artwork is unique in that you can rotate it and see new perspectives. The cards were easier to transport and thus allowed me to use art with my clients in Youth Detox, Aids Resource Center, and in my coaching practice. Last year, my partner and I took the next step and innovated the web based Art Guidance Cards. Now, the cards are even more visible and are internationally utilized by other professional coaches.

2) How has becoming a coach and/or working with a coach impacted your life?

I had worked with some of the greatest coaches – Tony Robbins for example really impacted my life. He was a great motivator, especially when he coached me to do the fire walk. Other wonderful coaches also encouraged me to start my own coaching practice, live my life with integrity, and to follow my own truth. This led me to go on a personal quest several years ago. To find my happiness, I had to take new risks. It led me to drive 9,000 kms (5,600 miles) from my home in Canada through the United States; to go back to school for the third time; to leave my marriage of 13 years; to go on my first date with a woman (who later became my life partner) – all within one year. How’s that for taking action?

3) What kind of experience do you have/did you have before starting your business?

I come from a family with an entrepreneurial father. As far as I can remember, my dad always had his own business. So I knew it can be possible.

I also must have inherited some of his courage. He packed up his family at the age of 46, closed his successful real estate business in Germany, and moved us to Canada – to start all over. In the course of time, he owned and operated numerous businesses from a gas station, a resort, to a car wash, while my brother and I worked in them.

That’s not to say that starting my own business didn’t feel like taking a risk. I have formal education with a degree in Social Work and graduated from Coach University, but you can never be fully prepared for working on your own.

4) When I had the pleasure of demo-ing the guidance cards with you I was really surprised by the different insights and perspectives that came to my awareness (and I’m not even a big visual learner!). Who could benefit from using your guidance cards and what are some of the different ways they can be used?

Honestly, everyone can benefit from using the Guidance Cards. No matter what your current question or situation, if you need to think out of the box, get a new perspective, or new ideas, the cards will show you something that’s uniquely intended for you. Different ways they can be used: to look at the image and then rotate it, or you can prop a card on your desk and look at for as inspiration. You can use it for journaling, creativity, coaching, counselling, or even to open up conversation with your partner, child, client, or co-worker. There are many different and effective uses.

5) Have you experienced any challenges in your professional life because you are a lesbian?

No. I count myself very lucky. I don’t announce it, but I don’t hide it either. I feel confident and okay with who I am and I think that lets others around me feel it’s a non-issue.

6) What keeps you going on the tough days?

Hmm… I always try and look at the bright side. I ask myself coaching questions, like, what am I learning here? What good things can come out of this challenge? If I’m having a tough day, lots of hugs and talking about it with my partner always help too. I also do a lot of journaling. I still use my own Guidance Cards to find new perspectives.

7) What are your top three measures of success?

- Good relationships – Good health/fitness – Inner contentment/happiness.

What is the wildest success story you can imagine for your business’
future?

If Oprah put up my web based Guidance Cards on her website, that would be fabulous! To have the healing artwork/Guidance Cards present in every LGBT community, hospital, hospice, women’s center, health spa, doctor’s office, A&D center, counselling and coaching practice, that would be wonderful.
Whenever the art gives hope to someone in a difficult transition, hardship, loss, grief, sickness, fear, or stuckness, and transforms it into hope and positive change – it’s a success.

9) What brings you the most joy personally?

I treasure my time with my horse. Riding has been my passion since I was a young girl. My current horse is my baby, he is a young, black Tennessee Walking Horse, he looks like Black Beauty. He’s so playful and sweet, when I’m with him, time flies by. My partner recently acquired a horse as well, and when we ride together into the sunset, it’s magical.

More about Karin Bauer, BSW, Master Guidance Coach

Karin is the creator of the online visual coaching tool Art Guidance Cards. Karin’s background includes nearly two decades of personal life coaching and counseling experience. She holds a degree in Social Work (BSW, 1997), and graduated from the Coach Training Program (CTP, 2001) at CoachU. Karin’s work experience includes a variety of settings, such as the Kelowna Cancer Clinic, AIDS Resource Center, Kelowna Family Resources, Youth Detox Center, and Alcohol & Drug Clinic. She has taught meditation and visualization classes, as well as volunteered in a Therapeutic Touch Program for cancer survivors.

Visit Karin’s websites: www.GuidanceCoach.com (tool for coaches) ; www.GuidanceCards.com (cards for public) ; and www.InspiritArt.com (Karin’s art gallery)

The ladies over at Lesbian Family are up to great things supporting two Mom households with a way to connect, learn, and inspire one another. I recently had the chance to connect with founder, Liza Barry-Kessler and learn a bit more about her and the site. As part of my ongoing committment to bring you thoughtful interviews with other successful lesbians, read on to learn more about Liza and Lesbian Family…

What was your inspiration to start Lesbian Family?

My original inspiration was this: When I got pregnant, I became suddenly obsessed with finding other pregnant lesbians and other women who were due around the same time as me.

Eventually, I found a few “ttc” lesbians with great blogrolls, but I always seemed to be missing someone or something interesting. I also found the wonderful Babes in Blogland , which I think strives to list every ttc/adoption/pregnant blog on the Internet. (And she’s got a great list of parenting blogs, too.)

Shana, the founder, and I became friendly — that’s when I realized that what I really wanted to do was create a similar easily sortable portal for lesbian families.

She’s is a straight SAHM with 3 little kids, not the stereotype of a GLBT-supporter, but she has been fabulous. Not only is she explicitly inclusive of our families on her site, but she also designed LesbianFamilies and created the adorable rainbow spoon logo. She also hosts LesbianFamily.org forums on Babes in Blogland.

What kind of experience do you have/did you have before starting the site?

I’d been blogging on my personal blog since January 2005, and on a short lived corporate security technology blog that my company ran for about 6 months. I’m in the Internet industry, but I’m not a programmer or a designer. When I was struggling to design LF myself, it was horribly, horribly ugly.

What is your long-term vision for LesbianFamily.org - what do you most want to have happen as the impact of your work?

My vision is all about connecting people. One of the best things about the Internet is how it can help people anywhere find other people with whom they have common interests. Lesbian families in big cities may know other lesbian families, but LesbianFamily.org offers that — easily — to lesbian families everywhere. And not just other lesbian families, but other lesbians with teenagers, or toddlers, or twins, or in interracial families.

We also want to recognize our extended families and the wonderful “friends of the family” whose support we depend on — so I want to be easily findable by the Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, etc, not just the lesbian parents.

How has being out affected your career and life both on the job and off? What has been the biggest benefit? The biggest challenge?

This is a great question!

For the most part, I think being out has been good for my career. I’m good at making people who haven’t been exposed to a lot of out lesbians comfortable, able to see it as “no big deal.” This translates at work to being able to handle difficult conversations and sensitive issues with a comfort level that not everyone can bring.

The biggest single benefit is being able to be who I am. Several years ago, I started a new position about 6 weeks before my wedding. When I got back from my honeymoon, my new co-workers had decorated my cubicle with “just married” balloons and streamers, and pitched in on a gift. If I’d been closeted, I would never have had this touching, human moment with them. And rather than being happy for my new marriage, many of them would never have had the opportunity to get to know a happily married lesbian. (Incidentally, I use the term “married” here, but this was not a legally recognized wedding.)

The challenge is that there are people who can’t quite get past their own homophobia. They get stuck being uncomfortable, and bring forth that discomfort in a sort of constant awkwardness. (Or worse.) I did have a manager like that once, but fortunately, not for very long.

I recommend that everyone at least consider coming out at work. Not only does it make a huge difference in your life, and in your relationships with your colleagues, but it also makes a difference for all the rest of us. When you come out, the people whose lives you touch no longer think they don’t know anyone gay, or that all gay people are XYZ.

What keeps you going on the tough days?

My partner and our son. Knowing that I can come home and get a hug and a smile from them makes it worth while.

Also, being able to talk through my frustration or aggravation. Or blog about it, when that’s appropriate. I subscribe to the idea that “joy shared is doubled, sadness halved.”

What are your top three measures of success?

1. Is my partner’s life working for her?
2. Am I happy/fulfilled?
3. Am I making a difference?
4. (Bonus) Am I being appropriately well compensated for what I do?

Number 1 really is my #1. I took a vow to cause her life to work for her, moment by moment, for the rest of our lives.

The amazing thing is that my own life works much better when I keep her life working for her front and center in my priorities. It’s when I start getting all “me me me” that my own life actually gets difficult or stressful. Really. In fact, if you are having relationship difficulties, I recommend trying this on as an experiment for a week — not both of you, not “I’ll do it if you do it,” just you.

What is the wildest success story you can imagine for your business’ future?

That I make a fabulous living on my writing.

What brings you the most joy personally or professionally?

Professionally (both in my job and my writing), it’s when I know that I’ve made a difference. Personally, when family is laughing and being silly together, just being in the moment.

How can people learn more?

Come visit! Visit Lesbian Family on the web at http://www.lesbianfamily.org

Liza Barry-Kessler, Founder of LesbianFamily.org, is an attorney, writer, and mother. She and and her partner have been together for five years and have a one year old son.