Last night like many of you we watched the Season Four Finale of The L Word with friends. From a personal opinion standpoint I think it was the best finale the series has served up thus far. As I got to thinking about the different storylines on the way home, the theme that most stood out for me was that of being willing to be vulnerable and taking a risk for what you really believe in. Here’s how I saw this theme playing out. (if you haven’t seen the episode yet, bookmark this post because it’ll spoil it for you)

The characters that most exemplified this for me were the scenes with Bette and Jodi and those with Alice and Tasha. First let me delve in to the Bette (Jennifer Beals) and Jodi (Marlee Matlin) story. We all know by now that Bette is a control freak and has to be right in every situation. What I noticed last night, though was her real willingness to take a risk, be vulnerable, and see herself truthfully maybe for the first time. When she asks Tina what she does so wrong in relationships, Tina truthfully and lovingly tells her. For the first time we see Bette allow the armor that surrounds her persona to drop and let this information in. She even opens to the point of allowing Tina to email Jodi this honest truthfulness of how Bette behaves when she’s scared, uncertain, or getting close to someone. Do you have the courage to open to new awareness about yourself? Are you willing to claim it, own it, and march headlong into your life and relationships with your eyes wide open?

As if this wasn’t enough personal stretching for one episode, Bette goes one step further and takes a huge risk by taking massive action to get Jodi back. In true “get it done at any cost” fashion she steals a gigantic metal sign that Jodi had her sights on, hightails it to New York, and turns into “farmer Bette” to surprise Jodi with this very specific gift from the heart. Bette opens to the thing that scares her most – Jodi’s ability to see right through her and match her strong personality. In a less overt way, Jodi does the same thing, opening to truly love another person exclusively.

You can call me simply a sucker for Marlee Matlin or watching such powerful women actors sink their teeth into a meaty story, but the truth is I think this storyline does a great job of illustrating the power of strong relationships to help us see ourselves more clearly. People are our mirrors and teachers. Sometimes this can be a little painful, shocking, or surprising, but through our relationships with others, we get to see ourselves as we really are.

The Alice (Leisha Haley) and Tasha (Rose Rollins) storyline is a big one and talked about often for its take on the “Don’t Ask; Don’t Tell” military situation as well as the controversial war in Iraq. I think they’ve done an awesome job of this, but the nuance of the story that I want to tie into here is that of vulnerability and uncertainty. Loving anyone or anything is a total risk. We risk our hearts, our feelings, and our very souls when we love another deeply. The good news is being loved and loving well are perhaps the most important measures of a life well lived. We get great joy, connection, and meaning from the relationships in our lives (and for the animal lovers among us that includes our furried and feathered ones). The catch is, we can never really know. We never really know how long someone will be in our life. We can never know the depth of their love. Everything can change in an instant and tomorrow is promised to no one. And, loss brings intense grief and sadness. In spite of it all, are we willing to love anyway?

This is the question posed by the imminent departure of Tasha for Iraq now that Alice and she have become attached. Having just lost Dana last year, Alice is desperate to not lose someone she loves again. While I’m not a big fan of flashbacks or dead characters re-appearing (often it is so soap-opera-ish), last night’s interlude with Dana was just awesome. Just as Alice is ready to hide from the whole going away party for Tasha, Dana appears to give her a kick in the pants. Perhaps Dana’s best point was (referring to the fact that Alice loved and then lost Dana to breast cancer) “would you have preferred never to have known me because you had to lose me”? It sort of says it all, but it is a great question for all of us to consider — knowing that you might lose someone are you willing to love with your heart wide open anyway?

What about you? What life lessons did you see in the season finale? How can you use the power of fictional stories to create more meaning in your life? Share in the comments….

I invite you my treasured readers to take a deep breath and blow out the birthday candle on the cake. Coaching4Lesbians is one year old today!

As I re-read my official launch post (“It’s Here…”) I am pleased to say that I am as passionate about my message today as I was when I launched. With over 140 articles to support you in living your best life I am even happier to be able to say this blog has more comments than articles. For that I am eternally grateful to YOU, my readers. With your lively discussions, feedback, and support you impact many more people than you will ever know.

What’s next for the “terrible two’s”? My plan is to continue to bring you quality content and resources from my experiences as a life coach specializing in helping lesbian entrepreneurs and professionals and from my personal life. I will connect you to resources and people, online and off, that can help you live your life most fully.

I envision a world where everyone feels totally comfortable in their own skin. From that state of being our wildest dreams are possible and success on our own terms is easy and effortless. My desire is to help YOU realize that in your own life.

I value your time and ideas. Whether you’re a regular reader from day one or you’ve just stumbled upon this blog for the first time — what do you want to see on this blog in the next year?

• What do you want to see more of?
• What do you want to see less of?
• What topics are of most interest to you?
• What is the top challenge you are experiencing in your life and business right now?

Please share your thoughts in the comments….it’ll help me serve you better so we can all thrive in the coming year.

This month, Jen at Transcending Gender does a great job of compiling the Carnival of Bent attractions for March. Yours truly is grateful to be included in the roundup.

This is my second month participating in this carnival and I truly enjoy the diversity it offers. The Carnival of Bent Attractions features blog posts of interest to the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered communities. As you might imagine, the posts range the gamut of topics from business to personal to political to erotic.

(For those of you unfamiliar with the carnival concept — it is where a particular blog hosts a carnival on a given topic and links to various posts that were submitted to the carnival. Carnival hosting rotates each month. It is a way of introducing each person’s audience to a new breadth of authors while fostering some wonderful interactions amongst bloggers).

Take a peek and read whatever grabs your fancy. There’s a great selection to choose from.

It dawned on me (via a friendly reminder from my girlfriend) that many of you may be new to this site and might not know how to post a comment. And, then, when I keep saying “please post your thoughts in the comments” you simply bang your head on the desk and scream “I’d love to but how???”

In the interest of reducing your stress, I thought I’d walk you through how to post a comment here.

There are several ways to get to the place where you can Leave a Comment. The first way, if you are visiting the home page is to click on the little “Add Comment” icon beneath the content of the post. That icon looks like this:

When you click that link, it’ll take you to a page which has the complete article on it (the one you just read and want to post a comment to).

You simply need to scroll down to the bottom of the page to leave a comment.

You will see the following “Leave a Comment Form”.

Type in your name, e-mail, url to your website (optional), and comments and hit Submit to have your comments posted to the site.

If at anytime you have problems or questions, just e-mail me and I’ll help you out. I look forward to hearing your input on the articles.

Here’s a funny little tale that I consider worthy of “a day in the life …” sort of story. It involves assumptions, confusion, the Pope, a tuxedo, and two lesbians. 
My partner and I are taking our first Olivia Cruise in less than two weeks.  On that cruise is a formal night. The good news is that I’m looking forward to it and it has none of that angst of the dreaded formal-anything dances from my adolescent years.  It’ll be she and I and thousands of other women being dressed up in whatever way feels good to them, having a good time out in the middle of the ocean somewhere warm.  But alas, I want to rent a tuxedo and need to be measured….so I can order the thing online to be delivered to my stateroom. Here’s where the fun begins.

Now, I have worn a tuxedo exactly once before for our commitment ceremony.  And, that fitting experience went fairly well.  If nothing else, I was young(er), bleary eyed with excitement, and living in a town a whole lot hipper than where I am now.

On the top of the list of Saturday errands was…get tuxedo measurements.  So, I first try the dry cleaner/alteration lady. She stutters in broken english — “no, you need tailor.”  Then I drive to the goofy little “downtown” near where I work and the fascinating little “bridal world” is closed.  With tempers rising, I decide to call the next place, “tuxedo world” and make sure they do complimentary fittings and are actually open.  This is where the real tale begins.

I call to ask my question and a young woman answers “Sure, we do complimentary fittings, just bring him in.” I hang up, look at my girlfriend and say, “She said to bring HIM in.”  Off we go…with my girlfriend smirking the whole way.  I say to her that she is loving this just a bit too much and that there better not be any large crucifixes hanging on the wall of this place (because frighteningly so, there are such life-size hangings in the local grocery around the Easter holidays where we live).

I get there, trudge up the steps and explain to the young lady that I had just called and that while I did not bring “him” in, I am here to get measured.  She was a little perplexed and asked, “So, we’ll just measure you then?”. I said, “That would be great since I will be the one wearing the tuxedo.”  A moment of mental processing passed and we were off to the measuring races.

While the woman was very pleasant and my partner continued to amuse her with talk of all pictures of local prom couples on the wall, I couldn’t help but be distracted by the large picture cards of the Pope and Vatican on her desk.  While I have absolutely nothing against any religion, I can definitely say that having the Pope staring at me during my tux fitting made me a little hot under the collar.

We left the place with measurements in hand and I am now all set to go for the big formal night.  But I have to say this little vignette reminded me once again of how it’s often the little things that show up in our day to day lives that can sometimes make us feel different or somehow a little “less than” or “not enough”.

What do you do to stay strong and true when you hit these little “day in the life…” moments?

Welcome and thanks for visiting… The time has come for me to stop talking about this blog and throw this baby out into the world and see what all of you think. So, please, comment freely as you visit the site because what you have to say is valuable!

Let me start by briefly giving you insight into “why this blog?” and “why now?”. The answer to those questions and my inspiration behind it all is multi-faceted. 

•  First and foremost, as a business owner who happens to be a lesbian myself, I have found the lack of spaces where I can be myself without having to explain, dodge, or otherwise address the lesbian part of the equation to be an eye-opener.  I know we’re out there and range from start-ups to established icons, but I have yet to see a global, safe gathering place for us to learn from and inspire one another.
• As a life and business coach I wanted to create a forum and resource tailored to the needs of the lesbian community.  In doing so I want to share resources that I have found to be beneficial in my own life and that of my clients.
• Surviving and thriving in the corporate world whether you’re in a cubicle or the corner office is a challenge for any woman. If you’re a lesbian, whether you’re “out” or not, there’s always the added challenge of being authentic in what is still a male dominated, more “traditional” space.

My approach and philosophy is that for most of us, being a lesbian is not the focus of our days and careers.  It just is a part of who we are.  Depending on where we are at any given time this fact can be the tie that binds, the difference that divides, or simply the unspoken elephant in the room that makes it more of a challenge for us to be authentic, open, and 100% who we are. 

What that means is my approach to sharing success secrets and resources is that I care about what works. I love to support other lesbian resources, lesbian owned businesses, as well as our friends and allies.   And, I am not limited by some preconceived notion of who lesbians “should” be or how they should live their lives.  What matters to me is empowering women to be authentic & achieve success on their own terms.

I am looking forward to sharing my expertise and what I have learned with you.  Please freely post your comments to the blog and if you want to drop me a line, please do so at paula (at) coaching4lesbians.com.