When I first learned that this private retreat with my mentor was going to be a weekend of wisdom with horses, I whined.  I mean whined.  Does it have to be with horses?  Can’t we go climb trees or a mountain or play in traffic or something, anything else (except maybe skydiving)? You see I have been mostly terrified of horses since my one and only real experience with them fifteen years ago while on vacation.  To sum it up it basically involved a nose to tail line of horses and partway through the horse in front of me threw his rider on his head. That resulted in the other horses being extremely unhappy and skittish. I was scared out of my mind, my horse wanted nothing to do with listening to me and I vowed to never get near one again. I really wasn’t interested in partnering with a creature that could leave me crippled and breathing through a straw for the rest of my life.

So much for that idea and the illusion of safety.  The spirit of divine dice rolling gave me the opportunity to spend three days with five of my dear colleagues, my coach, and, you guessed it – horses. This weekend of wisdom was facilitated by master horse whisperer Anna Twinney and Vin Mancarella of Reach Out to Horses.  To say I was terrified and intimidated going into this would be an understatement.

What I knew for sure about this weekend was that resistance and terror aside, I was willing. I was called here for a reason (even if it was with the firm nudge of my coach) and I could either sit on the sidelines and whine or show up fully.  To me there is no other option but to show up fully. How you do one thing (a retreat, vacation, class, relationship, etc.) is how you do everything.  You either show up or you take a backseat in your own life.  You either commit or don’t.  Maybe does not exist.  There is no try.

I also knew that I would trust deeply. I already knew I trusted my coach implicitly.  If she knew and trusted our facilitators (basically trusted them with our lives and safety) then so would I.  I was fully in and ready to go deep quickly.

A great reminder to be careful what you wish for!

Considering it took under five minutes for Anna to see through my story and basically call me out on what would be my biggest challenges I knew I was in for a ride.  I’ve only had two people ever meet me for just a few minutes and then throw me that soul piercing “I see right through you and have I got a challenge for you” look.  Both times had been intense and life changing. I thought uh-oh, here we go!

So, what did I learn from my expert human guides and incredible horse teachers? SO very much.

Intention and Energy Trumps Actions

While actions may speak louder than words, your intention and energy speaks louder than actions.  Never has this been so obvious to me than in working with the horses. On our first day we learned to lift the hoof and clean it.  Guess what? If you’re not clear, strong, and direct about lifting that hoof, the horse will never lift it. I had to shift my own energy from tentative and petrified (I had to move through my terror about even being near or touching the horse) to deliberate leader.  If I had not made this shift I would still be there trying to lift that first hoof a week later.

Later on in the weekend we had to move and guide the horses while they were loose in the ring.  Once again without a very clear intention and strong energy you are certainly not going to get a horse to move or to stop.  This was so obvious as people would approach the horse standing big and tall and then poof nothing happened. You can take all the “right” actions but if you’re not confident and clear on the inside, that horse is going to blow you off and do exactly what it pleases.

There is No Halfway

You cannot kinda sorta make a request of a horse. They will just stand and look at you with a “what the hell?!” look. You will also get the same “huh?!” response if you send him mixed signals.  So often in business and life we try to straddle the fence.  The conversation in your head sounds like: If I don’t jump all in, it’ll be safer.  The problem is that “on the fence” leaves you without clear intention, half-hearted commitment, and therefore half-hearted (if any) results. Not to mention this in-between position is painful (and I’m not just talking about fence wedgies).  It’s downright torturous to be living in that middle ground not quite having what you want but fooling yourself that you’re doing all that you can to make it happen. Horses don’t do in-between for a reason.

It Isn’t Personal

When a horse blows you off, tells you that you are full of it, or decides to do his thing instead of your request, it’s not personal.  It’s not because you’re not good enough, not worthy, not tall enough, short enough, thin enough, smart enough… you get the picture.  It’s not about you.  You may have triggered something in the horse that causes him to do something, but in the end it has nothing to do with your innate worthiness.

How often does a co-worker, client, or friend do or say something that throws you into a death spiral of negative thoughts?  Something gets said, confidence plummets and you essentially feel like a fraud wondering who am I to be brilliant? While there can often be something to learn about ourselves in any situation because all things are our mirrors and teachers, it isn’t personal.  The horse is just being the kind of horse he is.

Staying Stuck in Your Head Will Get You Killed

When you have a 1400 pound horse (or two) running at you, you do not have time to think.  That is not the time for pro and con lists, mental gymnastics, or deep analysis of your options. Over thinking (frankly thinking about it at all) will get you run over. I mean could you see saying “Excuse me Mr. Horse – I need to run some regression analysis on this first!” Yeah, right…

On our first morning Anna said to me that my biggest problem would be staying out of my head so I don’t get killed when a horse is running at me.  When she said that (remember – it was still introductions, I was still terrified, and I knew this woman for maybe 30 minutes, and I was thinking bond with horses not running loose in a ring) I really wanted to just pee my pants or leave. My mentor even said afterwards – wow you were brave to just sit there and take that in! Yet, I know that despite all my breakthroughs with getting out of my head and into my heart (that have led to me creating Intuitive Intelligencetm), there is a new level of evolution still calling to me and this is it.

So, when I was asked to be in the ring with two loose horses and a teammate, I had to show up in a big way, decide, and act on pure intuition (and verbal guidance from our horse whisperer of course). It was breathtaking, exhilarating, and amazing fun to learn in this way.  We accomplished our goal of guiding the two horses to stand in a particular space and hold them there with our presence and leadership.  The deep lesson I learned about strong heart-felt leadership, trust, and teamwork in those moments will be with me for a lifetime.

We All Want to Give and Receive Love and Healing

Love is all there is.  The greatest spiritual leaders and even the Beatles have shared that message far and wide and it is true.  All beings desire to give and receive love and healing and that can only happen from our heart (not our head) in a place of willingness and trust.  I’ll admit that my favorite way to learn is in a space with excitement and movement like we did with the horses in the ring.  Yet I learned something equally profound in the stillness of the stall while offering energy healing to a horse.

My experience with a feisty show-off of a horse (coincidentally one of the horses from the ring the day before) was extremely gentle and loving. I felt he really did want to receive love and healing and that in some way he desires to be seen in a deeper way.  It took some time to get beyond the distractions that keep all of us at a superficial level of relating (let’s say he was going to keep chewing hay until he was ready to receive).  Yet with patience an opening to a deeper experience was shown.  Because of the nature of this exercise, it is hard to explain in words except to say that I know in those moments that he experienced the healing power of release and love as did I.

To Wrap-Up…

There are experiences that change who we are and the way we navigate in the world.  They stay with us forever and fuel everything that is to come in some alchemical way.  I’m blessed to have had another one of these experiences.  It really was a journey from terrified to terrific – I now see horses and myself in a little different light and for that I am grateful.

Are you ready to breakthrough your own preconceived notions of what is possible? Go from second-guessing to confidence in your decisions and leadership?  Reach out to me at www.thepaulagcompany.com/application to schedule a complimentary Intuitive Intelligence Activation Session and set the wheels in motion on the YOU that you most want to be.

Here’s an awesome video from when I was busy climbing trees a few months ago.  You likely read about my experience in the trees as well as my wandering blindfolded in the woods.

In this video Shelly of EarthJoy asks me about my business.  Elevator speech? Pshaw!  Try hanging 30 feet in the air from a rope in a tree speech!  Nice view and an authentic look at some of my thoughts about how people benefit from the work I do.

Enjoy!

P.S. The monkey has to do with the fact that I was supposed to get HIGH in the tree and hide the monkey for one of my colleagues to climb and get it. I personally like the look – we should all have fun monkeys hanging from our belts!

Four years ago this week, I had this verse delivered to me in a moment of surrender.  Really wondering how, if, when I could create what I wanted. Whether I would heed the call to make a leap into self-employment or continue to wait.  Well I surrendered, these words of wisdom flowed (Intuitive Intelligence at work…but I didn’t consciously know it then), and then woosh, three days later I returned from this vacation to learn my position was eliminated.

The grandest moments of our life can never be created solely through mind-power.  So read on and see how this insight moves you.

Independence Day or is it Liberation Day?

If I am free to fly as this gull before me 170 feet above the crashing sea below I must let go —

Of the fear of a gale that would crash me so into the cliffs majestic leaving me to start the cycle anew as a newborn raven feasts upon my wreckage.

In order to fly and feel the liberation of riding the waves of wind this gusty unsettled afternoon I must step off the cliff

Releasing the cling and draw that the safety of this rock outcropping provided from hatchling to adult.

Knowing I can find safety in the drifting, the unknowing, the journey from here to there to no-where and in the only thing that truly is – the Now.

And so it is and it is so.

So, who would willingly be blindfolded and sent into the woods with nothing to guide you other than a tiny piece of twine?  Why a handful of entrepreneurs who know that growing yourself and going outside your comfort zone is the key to breakthroughs in your life and business, that’s who, and I was one of them.

A few weeks ago while climbing trees in Kentucky on the afternoon of the second day we were told that we’d be doing an experiential exercise; that was the extent of the instructions.  Oh, and we were told to have shoes that we didn’t mind getting muddy.  Sounded innocent enough…Ha!

The experience began on a small peninsula at the lake of the property where we were staying.  Our instructions were simply to stay blindfolded and follow a tiny piece of twine through the woods. I figured I’ve been blindfolded before and led various places (no, my life doesn’t parallel some wild mysterious fictional book, it was on two different spiritual retreats) – how hard could it be? Hard, freaking hard! That’s how hard it could be. Let me explain…

I was at the front of the group (we were each separated by 6-12 feet for safety) and initially it went well. I was tuned into the heightened awareness of my other senses and able to confidently put one foot in front of the other following the twine and trusting in my instincts and my colleagues who created the course for us. I was feeling great, thrilled to be having this experience.  And then…

I fell in a  hole. Not a big hole, but a step into darkness that dropped a few feet off the path.  That little misstep was the beginning of what I call a total descent into hell – the hell of uncertainty, pain, and a mind playing nonstop terrifying tapes as I tried to keep moving forward.

Does this sound familiar? Maybe a few parallels to your day to day life? (was for me…)

From that point forward every painful thing I have experienced or been experiencing in my life came flooding through me like a tsunami and I was just a wreck.  Sobbing uncontrollably into my blindfold, stumbling around losing footing, sliding down muddy hills, walking into trees, trying to tie my shoes blindfolded as they kept coming untied, losing my hat and trying to find it blindfolded. I could go on.  I felt lost, alone, unsupported, and betrayed by people I trusted.  It was a very torturous and unproductive world that I was experiencing in my mind and I literally thought it would never end.

Sound dramatic?  Well it was… at least within my own experience.  Not unlike the way our daily lives sometimes unfold.

Eventually it did end but not until I slid down the final hill multiple times as I just could not find my way up and out no matter how I reached, no matter how I tried different things.  Thankfully a hand descended down the hill to pull my sorry self up after several failed tries.  Then I could finally sit under the tree I had chosen at the start of the exercise and just rest. For me the resting looked like a lot more sobbing, but clearly was what was meant to be. It is also amazing how beautiful and comforting the sounds of nature, in this case several songbirds, can be when you are feeling this way.  But, how often in daily life do we stop the drama to find that grounding? Another gift of the moment.

So what did I learn from this experience?

What Others See of Me is Different Than How I See Myself

I think this lesson is SO important and I work with my clients on this all the time. Sometimes I need a visceral reminder myself. While I was busy having drama, feeling lost, isolated, alone, and like a total loser, what others saw (there were 2 facilitators assisting and ensuring we all had a safe journey) was a confident, self-sufficient woman who was cruising through the course in the woods.  This couldn’t be further from the reality of the experience I was having or what I was feeling at the time.  The lesson I learned from this is:

1)      We’re often far too hard on ourselves than we need to be and all this projecting, worrying, and wondering what others will think is a total waste of energy specifically designed to keep us stuck.

2)      What we are feeling and experiencing is valid.  It is our experience after all. That said, do what is necessary to honor and learn from your feelings but don’t let them become your irrevocable truth without a little more curious exploration about them.

Don’t Go Down the Rabbit Hole

When I fell in that hole I just crumbled. My confidence went out the window and my mind chatter took me hostage. Rather than simply notice this misstep for what it was (simply a missed step), adjust, and keep moving forward fully present in the moment, I went down the rabbit hole of no return.  How many times in life or business does a small misstep come along and then boom, you’re back into doom, gloom, and doubt? The lesson I learned from this: If you step in a hole, see it for what it is and don’t let it take you and your mindset down. Learn from it, adjust, and keep moving forward toward what you DO want.

You Are Closer to Succeeding Than You Think You Are

On that last hill that I just could not get up, I kept reaching and trying new approaches but just couldn’t make it happen.  Afterwards I learned that I was literally a fraction of an inch from reaching a strong branch with which to pull myself up.  While I was in a pit of despair mud wresting with my monkey mind (literally!), I was literally THAT close to my goal.  The lesson I learned from this: Success is closer than you think and the difference between stuck and success is a matter of inches. Keep moving forward in trust.

People Can’t Read Your Mind and Can’t Help You if You Don’t Ask

It’s been a lifelong assumption of mine that people will someday just read my mind, know what I am feeling, see what I need, and just come flocking to me with endless love and support and all will be perfect.  Makes for a good animated film, but life doesn’t work that way.  No one knew what pain I was in or the experience I was having. They had no clue whatsoever.  Later that afternoon I reached out to one of my friends in the group for support and we had a long, loving discussion. It truly touched me and will remain a special gift in my heart for a long time. Her message and my lesson? Other people see me as a strong, capable woman (which I am!) and so when I am hurt or need love or support, friends don’t know how they can help because I don’t tell them (or ask for the help).  Such a simple truth, but then how many of you high achieving, talented women (and men) out there are reading this and do the same exact thing?  I know I’m not the only fiercely independent and stubborn one!

You Are Supported and Loved Even When You Feel All Alone

In our darkest moments when we feel most alone as well as during our everyday life when things are happening at lightning speed and we feel isolated and disconnected, we are loved.  As an entrepreneur it can be easy to feel alone when you work solo.  This sentiment was shared by our entire group.  For me personally I often struggle with feeling the love and gratitude of those I care about unless it is right dab smack in front of me in the room (and heck it took me years to learn open to it when it is right in front of me!). Then I create a big story about how that means I am all alone, nobody loves me, blah, blah, blah blah…cue the violins for the world’s biggest pity party for one.  But as I shared earlier our feelings are real and valid; they key is to use them to inform our experience rather than dictate it.  So if that is how you’re feeling, that is your reality.  Yet, with just a slight shift in perspective (also known as a miracle) the world opens up and you can know that you are loved and supported at all times…by those who care about you and on a deeper, more spiritual level as well.  Lesson I learned?  Reach out, Ask. Listen and feel the love that exists even when I am by myself. It is as close as the next heartbeat and as accessible as the next deep breath.

Ever experience these pitfalls even without being blindfolded and left wandering in the wilds?  Ready to learn how to transform them into gifts?  Contact me at http://www.thepaulagcompany.com/application and request a complimentary Intuitive Intelligence™ Activation Session.

I recently had the honor of spending a few days in the company of some fabulous women in rural Kentucky to climb trees as part of a business retreat.  Why the heck would I do this you ask?  Well, besides the fact that I would do just about anything to be in the presence of people I truly consider family in the deepest sense of the word, the reason I did this was because the opportunity to experience something new and grow beyond what I think is possible for myself was presented to me.  I’ve learned that the fastest path to growth, loving my precious moments on this earth, and avoiding regrets is to say YES to living fully.

So why choose to leave the supposed safety of terra firma and go vertical into the trees?  Well, first off I wouldn’t just undertake an adventure with just anyone.  This adventure was in the very capable hands and generous hearts of Shelly and Bill Byrne of EarthJoy.  (You can catch my recent podcast interview with Shelly to get a glimpse of what I mean.)  They are not only experts in climbing trees (very important details of course!) but truly shepherd you emotionally through a journey that is equal parts joy, terror, and curiosity.  There’s a bigger reason, a more personal reason why to climb a tree besides just reaching some goal like the next branch or a certain height.  This deep, personal reason of living into more of who you are and what is possible for you by connecting with nature is an area in which Shelly and Bill excel and is what sets them apart.  And, let’s be clear here… all the deep personal transformation notwithstanding, they make it damn fun.  It’s about being playful with yourself, the trees, and each other.

With this I want to share with you my lessons from climbing trees:

How Can I Make This Easier?

The natural first step is to try and muscle yourself upward.  Problem is, this doesn’t work (I know, I tried!)!  Unless you are some super-power, you can’t just defy gravity by forcing yourself vertically up a rope.  You might make it a short way, but you will tire quickly and find yourself in misery.  The secret lies in using momentum, body awareness, and the mechanics of the rope to move yourself effortlessly upwards.  Sure it still takes effort (this is climbing trees not couch-potatoing) but it is joyful, flowing, and ease-filled effort. It is poetry in motion and I can still feel the joy I felt as I was ascending so much more easily by the 3^rd day.  As a result, when I find myself struggling in my day to day life, surely I can ask, how can I make this easier?

Constantly Developing New Comfort Zones

Like anything else, once you’ve done it for a little while, you build skill.  You become more comfortable with movements, heights, and maneuvers that only a few minutes or hours ago felt foreign.  You start to make progress faster. You start to enjoy it more.  You ease into a new sense of what is “normal”. What seemed impossible just a few hours ago now makes total sense and feels more natural.  This is the nature of all personal growth. However to get to this experience you first have to move through terror and this is good.

Terror is Normal

It is normal to be terrified when you are hanging from a rope 10, 30, 60 feet or more off the ground.  Why wouldn’t it be?  Do you have a bird’s DNA? I didn’t think so!  Just like I developed new comfort zones throughout my time in the trees, each new “normal” was preceded by a bout of terror.  Just as I was starting to feel comfortable, I’d go a little higher, have to swing out to a branch, or be challenged by Shelly or Bill to try something new.  Sometimes without even consciously doing anything new I would feel terror overtake me as I glanced up or down or out at my fellow climbers.  One of my fellow climbers said it well, “I feel the need to swear! Is this normal?” This terror was almost always triggered by thoughts in my head that didn’t serve me.  This terror immediately could be felt in my body.  Deep breaths and my own willingness moved me forward into joy (until the next inevitable terror barrier!). The lesson? Accept terror as a natural part of growth and lean into it so you can move through it faster.

Creative Solutions Abound

I can still remember hanging near a branch listening to Bill tell me to swing out, catch it with my feet and stand up.  What?!? Is this man out of his mind?  Yet, with step by step instructions and a little help I was able to do it.  This shows me the power of possibilities and solutions that are available to me in every moment that I am simply not aware of yet. This is as true in my life and business as it is in the trees.  Don’t stop at “Are you kidding?! How could that be possible!?”; instead begin again at the next roadblock with “How can I?”

You Are Supported

In all my years, it has been rare that I have ever felt as supported as I did in these trees especially when climbing besides Shelly and Bill and alongside my “family”.  Support is always available to you on multiple levels at all times.  The tree itself was supporting me/all of us.  The ropes, the knots, the harness were supporting me.  Other people were physically and emotionally supporting me.  My own wisdom and divine guidance was supporting me.  The laws of the universe were supporting me. I felt fully present and fully supported even while walking through something totally new, often frightening, and absolutely exhilarating.

As it is in the trees, so it is in your life whether at work or at play. I invite you to take these lessons, connect with a tree (even if you don’t climb one), and feel the wisdom they have for you.

Want to apply these lessons in your own life to experience a radically more satisfying “new normal” personally or professionally? I can help – contact me for a complimentary Intuitive Intelligence Activation Session at http://www.thepaulagcompany.com/application and start loving your own life.

What is your relationship with your body?

Is it a deep, sensual loving romance?

Or

A despicable, miserable, rotten, hateful one?

Or

Maybe somewhere in between?

If it’s anything less than a love affair, you might be missing out on a powerful channel of connection to your own intuition. After all our  bodies are what we get to inhabit for this human journey.  It is how we experience our life and is always accessible to us when we seek wiser council. Without this channel you are missing out on the key to jumping out of the rut you often find yourself in when you are struggling to create the success you seek.

You can feel an awkwardness, an unwillingness to be vulnerable and try something new.  You might feel like you are a klumsy, ugly fool in a room fool of gazelles.  You internalize it, stay in your own comfortable rut, in your body and in your mind, and voila you experience the same, less than satisfying results over and over again.

You may think it is just about your body, but its not. It shows up in your career, your business, and the work you’re most meant to do in the world. More specifically in the obstacles you are encountering as you yearn to discover and create the career and business you most desire.

How do I know this? I have had a love/hate relationship with my body for my entire existence.  The first few decades were almost purely hate.  The last decade or so has been living into and inhabiting my body in a new, gentler, more compassionate way.

Even with this new level of compassion,  the invitation to experience movement as a means to untap blockages in my business or my life makes my blood run cold.  And run cold it did, once again at the recent live event I attended hosted by my coach and mentor. The dreaded words “tonight we will be sweating our prayers doing an experiential exercise in body movement called the five rhythms” came out of her lips and I instantly shut down.  Here’s what went through my head:

• I already know that body awareness is beneficial please don’t make me do this.
• Oh my god do I really have to??!?!
• Here we go again, another retreat in which I get to be tortured with body movement or dancing so I can feel awful/nothing/out of place/self-conscious wishing I were somewhere other than here.

Can you relate to ever having these feelings?

So what did I do?  I showed up fully to the best of my ability in my body, mind, and soul that evening and allowed myself to have an experience. I did so by being willing.  Willing enough to open (even if just a crack), willing to feel whatever I was feeling, and willing to allow whatever insights, lessons, or breakthroughs might show themselves however big or small, if any at all.

Why is this important?  Because when you are not willing to break your normal patterns, no matter how big or small, you will stay exactly where you are, end of story.  If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.  No growth, no evolution, no outer results (goals achieved, money received, etc., etc.).

So what happened that night?  I felt awkward, trapped in my head, comparing myself to others, jealous of the gorgeous, fluid guest faculty member (and professional dancer), tired, bored, awkward, weird.  But you know what? I also noticed how different states of body awareness can silence the mind.  I could also clearly see how some of my own disconnects with my body play right into current obstacles I am experiencing.  And, I also felt a sense of release, presence, and non-attachment at times that felt really great.

So does this mean I am going to suddenly love dancing or experimental body movement?  Probably not (but I can tell you many years after leaning into this practice and healing of body image sometimes I actually really enjoy dancing from time to time!).  But I am able to tap into the awareness and ability to break repetitive patterns that aren’t serving me more quickly because I’ve experienced what it is like to do so at a cellular level – in my body, in my being, in my soul, not just in my head.  An intellectual understanding of anything is only 50% (or less) of the solution you seek.

Here’s my coach’s request to you… ask yourself:

• What is my relationship to my body right now?  On a regular basis?
• In what area of my life/given situations do I instantly react to by shutting down?
• How does shutting down in this way serve me?  (And don’t say it doesn’t because if you are doing it, it is serving you or you wouldn’t keep doing it, even if the way it serves you is simply to keep you in the illusion of safety or familiarity).

Be honest with yourself and see what shows itself… it just might surprise you.

If you are ready to open the door even the tiniest of cracks to break out of the same old patterns please reach out to me. I’d be happy to schedule a complimentary Intuitive Intelligence™ Activation Session with you… click here to schedule one.

So last week I joined a new gym and this week I hired a personal trainer.  Yes it shocked even me.  Not because it’s not my thing, but because I am already a  consistent, disciplined exerciser.  I love to exercise and am a 5-6 day a week person (or more) consistently, all the time, rain or shine, etc.  So why the shift and new investment?  And, why now?

Well, simply because I always tell my clients – “your best thinking got you where you are, and you need someone else’s guidance to get you somewhere new”.  It’s time for something new for me.  I’ve been bored maintaining my routine for 2.5 years since I got laid off and it is time to shake things up a bit.  I loved, loved, loved when I had a trainer, a gym, and a program when I worked my day job.  In fact some of those fitness instructors were the absolute best – innovative, fun, creative, and reliable.  I miss it.  Not to mention working from home not only eliminated my daily commute but also eliminated all that collateral movement I had built into each day.  Walking from the car to the building, up the stairs, up and down all day long, over to the gym, down for coffee, etc.  Now I wander down my one flight of stairs to my office and shuffle back and forth to the water and tea pot.  Not exactly the calorie burn one might like.  10,000 steps a day?  Very damn funny…

Today I did their little fitness baseline. I have to say in the past I would’ve used the numbers (albeit some are some canned computer program that like most standardized tests are, well, totally skewed and irrelevant to certain individuals) to beat myself up. After all, I feel fit, I can go cardio for a long darn time.  I put in 1,500 miles on my bike last year, etc.  Yet some of the number just don’t lie.  It’s time to burn some more calories and work muscles that I have been missing with my regular routine.  There’s a reason we hit plateaus and get stagnant.  While confidence is my expertise, the area of my body has always been perhaps my least confident area.   I’m leaps and bounds ahead of where I was at one time, but truthfully it is still an area I need to self-coach myself a lot.  It’s a vulnerable spot for me. Yet today I felt far different than ever before.  I’m not emotionally charged by any of it (other than excited for a new challenge).  I also immediately gave myself full permission to use all the resources and knowledge at my disposal from working with integrative nutritionists and other health professionals to make my own choices about what I do or do not do.  A little software program is not going to suddenly be smarter than me.

Unfortunately, for many women this is not the case. They give up their power to someone or something else and then just feel badly about themselves.  This does nothing to help you feel confident, comfortable in your own skin, and ready for success in your business and life.

So I invite you to choose differently.  Gather information, make new choices outside your comfort zone, invest time and money in your well-being, and then totally embrace the you that is before you right here, right now.

Check out some other great stories on making this fitness leap:

• Getting in Shape – Hiring a Personal Trainer
• 6 Ways to Hold Yourself Accountable to a Fitness Routine
• Set, Reach, Surpass

I’ll be sure to let you know just how sore I am after my first few sessions!

Photo by: Flickr

The recent sweat lodge deaths at a spiritual warrior retreat led by James Arthur Ray really raise an excellent question. A question that  deserves a thoughtful conversation among leaders in the self-development and spiritual leader community. A conversation that doesn’t seem to be happening. That question and its inherent paradox/conundrum as I see it is:

In work designed to push people past their perceived limitations, how does individual participant responsibility get honored without diminishing the value of the leader or defeating the core purpose of the work?

Here’s the thing, people are naturally inclined to live life by their perceived limitations. That is why we need people who can help us bust through them.  These perceived limitations are why people stay stuck and chase their tail in circles never really improving much beyond their current circumstances.  When we are willing to do things differently, step outside those limitations and go beyond them, new possibilities open up. Sometimes we must go well beyond what we think is comfortable for us in order to experience that next level of growth in our lives. In retreat settings this often takes the form of going beyond physical and emotional limitations and experiencing sensations that are new, intense, or scary. Part of the magic is that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Students place their trust in the teacher to lead them through a process or an experience. Yet, at all times each of us are individually responsible to ensure our own well-being. Meaning, we need to know when it is right for us to dis-engage, step away, or take the intensity down a notch to ensure our own health and well-being.  After all, “no  pain/no gain” is not the motto of the self-improvement industry.

So, here’s the catch — if our perceived beliefs and limitation is what has us stuck, how do we know when our desire to step away in the heat of the moment of a retreat is

a) those self-limiting beliefs, fears, excuses, and comfort-zones rearing their heads again

or

b) true guidance of what we most need to heed at the time?

Therein lies the conundrum and the gray area.

Now I can’t speak to the James Ray sweat lodge deaths specifically because I don’t have direct experience with James, his retreats, or this incident and I’m sure investigators will do what is necessary to get to the root cause (one can hope!). What I can speak is about my own personal experiences as a participant in transformational retreats.

Several events in my life have been pivotal to making the shifts I needed to lead me to where I am today. I suspect there will be other life-changing experiences that will take me to even further growth in the future; things I cannot even yet envision. Each time I put my trust in the leaders. Each time the leaders made it damn clear that each of us as participants were personally responsible to ensure our own well-being and that they and their staff were there to support that. That said, we were encouraged to go well beyond our comfort zones. I can say that on these occasions I definitely went well beyond my limits, but that I always felt I had a choice. I could choose to dis-engage. I could choose that now was not the right time for me to go further or that what I had already experienced was already just perfect and enough for me for this point in time. I also felt safe because I could see the amount of care and attention the leaders’ brought to their preparations and precautions including having other ‘staff’ there who could act as a sort of dispassionate observer and step in to assist participants who needed support or to step away without having them feel lost or alone.  Sure there is a level of peer-pressure or psychological pressure that happens in a group setting (there are plenty of stories of gurus gone bad, and the word cult comes to mind), but at the end of the day if everyone was jumping off a cliff, would you?

I think this level of leadership, care, and personal responsibility needs to be there for anyone who chooses to be a leader in personal development and growth work. Not every leader will walk their talk, act with integrity, or show up to take full responsibility for their actions. The good ones will. As a participant you need to be a conscious and informed consumer.

I find it somewhat disappointing that the self-development community has been so quiet about this elephant in the room.  I’m not talking about blaming, playing CSI investigator, instigating flame wars, or grandstanding. If you want to find threads upon threads of people projecting their own righteous positions and shadows out there, you can Google and find that.  Those conversations have more to do with the people spewing their stuff than the bigger picture.

What I’m talking about is a real honest conversation among masters — looking deep within one’s own practices  — asking and communing with others about how we can ensure we’re in integrity with our own responsibilities as leaders, rid or expose the industry of dangerous shams and charlatans, and educate the public about their roles and responsibilities when they choose to do personal growth work.  Where are the leaders of The Secret in this conversation?  Where are coaches who run retreats in this conversation? Where are our spiritual leaders?  While it would be impossible to search every corner of the web, what I can say is web and blog searching has turned up nada.  Last week on Larry King live I was so thankful to see John Assaraf take the high road and make an appearance on the show and comment on the sweat lodge deaths.  While he couldn’t comment personally either, he spoke very eloquently. He was emotionally charge-neutral. His statements aimed to inform and educate.  It was a joy to see someone walk their talk and come out of hiding in a delicate situation to do so.

Those of us who make our living out of helping others transform their lives and move beyond their limiting beliefs have an obligation to speak the truth.  Wouldn’t it be a shame if this tragic incident deterred people from taking that next step toward their own brilliance? While this is definitely an exceptional and tragic situation, there are bound to be ripple effects with public perception of the self-growth industry many unwarranted and uninformed.

Hiding doesn’t work.  True leaders show up and take an appropriate stand even in difficult times.  While I know there are many legalities and sensitive areas, to me it would certainly have been nice to see James Ray release some sort of public statement in video or in the media now that it is almost two weeks later.  I see conscious creation, law of attraction, and personal responsibility lining up a little differently than it is being played out here.  I say that not to blame or judge as I can never be in another person’s shoes, but more out of pure inquisitiveness.

Ironically while researching this post, I saw this quote in the middle of a flame war on a discussion forum around these events and thought it quite appropriate:

“It is with flexibility and ease that I see all sides of an issue. There are endless ways of doing things and seeing things. I am safe.”
~ Louise L. Hay

For those seeking or involved with personal growth work I’d say, don’t let this circumstance put fear in your heart.  With anything some due diligence can go a long way:

Know Your Guru
Do a little due diligence here.  What credentials, experiences, support staff, etc. does someone have to do what he or she does?  Do they walk their talk?  Is the process or environment set up to ensure safety and well-being at all times?  What have been other participant’s experience in the past?

Get Informed
Know the rules of the road, expectations, risks of anything you do.  Ensure that you are in the proper physical and emotional health to undergo the work you plan to do/experience you plan to have.  Just like you wouldn’t run a marathon without medical clearance (I hope!), don’t take the intensity of some retreats too lightly. Know your requirements for well-being and honor them.

Always Trust Yourself
At the end of the day you have to trust your gut.  Go all out, lean into it, explore your edges, and exceed your limits.  There’s a difference between leaning into that next level of growth for you and throwing yourself off of a cliff.  Heed your inner wisdom at all times and know that transformational work should never injure or cause harm.

And the ever popular caveat — At the end of the day, nothing is 100% safe.  The #1 cause of death is living. Nothing is fully controllable and drawing breath is inherently risky.  So the idea that anything you do can be 100% controllable, is unrealistic.  That being said, the aim of personal and spiritual growth work is to evolve and create a more whole and full YOU. There is a whole host of trained and qualified leaders in this vast field that only have the best for you at heart and do all they can to ensure you grow in a way that supports your highest good, utmost well-being.

Leaders and participants alike – how do you wrap your head around the inherent paradox of pushing beyond your limits while also honoring personal responsibility?  I’d love to hear your thoughtful comments and start a much overdue conversation…

Last weekend I had the chance to take a 20 hour course in Wilderness First Aid and CPR through offered by the Wilderness Medicine Institute (WMI) of the National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS). If that sentence of acronyms is any indication to you, I can tell you the weekend was long, intense, hands-on, and an awesome experience.

Kim and I spend a lot of time outdoors in all seasons — biking, hiking, paddling, and taking on whatever adventures we can find when we travel. Often we engage in these activities as a pair without any organized group or trip leader. We’ve hiked up to around 9,000 feet on Mount Rainier, paddled 18 miles round trip on Maligne Lake in Jasper National Park, and hiked the famed Angels Landing Trail in Zion (which I wrote about and was published) just the two of us. And that’s just three that pop to the top of my head as I type. The list could go on and on. While we don’t typically do overnight trips (yet! but I will break through that barrier if I have to hire my wilderness friend to help me!) it is not uncommon for us to be out and about anywhere from a few hours to an entire day. So, what if something happens to one of us or we encounter someone in trouble?

That has always been a BIG What If? I had always wanted to take a WFA course for this very reason and luckily my friend Liz happened to arrange one locally, the stars aligned, and we got to participate with the best group of people you’d want to share an experiential class with. Brett Simpson was our instructor and he was great. Blending real world experience with teaching and an emphasis on the practical he managed to keep us all alert, engaged, and learning for what was a very intense weekend. (think – 20 hours of training in 2 days and that doesn’t include breaks, lunch or travel to/from the classroom…your mind begins to melt.)

The class is not just a lecture but true hands on scenarios which were practical and applicable whether you hike in remote back country or simply like to exercise in the local park. Scenarios came complete with professional stage makeup (man that stuff is amazingly real!) so we had people badly bruised, oozing, bleeding, burned, and ranging from screaming to unresponsive. I have to tell you scenario or not there were moments that definitely can unnerve you. But the great thing is you walk away empowered having stepped outside of your comfort zone and armed yourself with knowledge and a proven system to follow.

This experience along with my recent Habitat for Humanity experience got me thinking about what I like to call practical empowerment. It is not about knowing it all or being an expert. It is about being able to feel confident that you can handle anything that comes your way. Now in this example that doesn’t mean that I, as someone who has had a weekend of medical training, can handle anything imaginable. Heck no! What it does mean is that I know enough to be able to do my very best to be of help to the best of my skills and ability and then choose a sensible plan of action to get someone the full and proper help they need. This might also mean at times doing your best and not having things work out. Then it is back to the course of Planting Acceptance I wrote about before.

At the end of the day I see practical empowerment as a great excuse buster. As in – what’s your excuse for not getting out and about now? Your mind might say “what if” or as one of our participants said – “I’m just staying in camp- it’s too dangerous out there”. Yet, the truth is a tremendous amount of serious accidents and fatalities happen right at home. So that sort of busts the myth that locking yourself in your house and staying there is “safe”, right?!

The excuses that you use for holding yourself back might have nothing to do with the outdoors. It might relate to creative expression through art, getting up and speaking in front of a group, or even just allowing yourself some free time. The philosophy is the same – give yourself some practical empowerment, grant yourself permission, and give it a shot. What do you have to lose?

Photo Credits: All photos taken by Brett Simpson.