What bugs you? Who really plugs you in? What quality in that person really pisses you off?

What if I told you that the very thing you hate holds a most important secret to your success?  That’s a pretty loaded statement I realize, but what I know from my own personal roadblocks and from coaching others is that the very things we can’t be with, won’t let us be.  It is damn near impossible to succeed when you are at war within yourself.  Imagine the ultimate tug-of-war happening right within your own mind and body.  Does that sound like some success strategy?  I don’t think so!  Yet so often we find ourselves living out this tug-of-war either consciously or unconsciously within us day after day after day.  And then we wonder why we’re not happy, not following our passions, or lacking meaning in our lives.

I have had this powerful visceral experience more than once in my life.  The one where I am just so resistant that smoke is coming out of my ears. Or I have such a righteous position that I can’t see straight.  Then all of a sudden something happens and Boom! it is like someone switched on the light in a dark room and woke me up.  Woke me up to what was really going on inside of me.  The reasons why I was being so resistant or righteous or stuck or whatever.  Usually because there was an underlying feeling or part of me that I didn’t like. So, instead I played stubborn or destructive or avoided it altogether which of course resulted in nothing but self-sabotage and tears of yet another goal or dream gone by the wayside. The instant I could shift my thinking and relationship with myself the obstacles in my path started to melt away.  The joy factor goes way up and not surprisingly so does the success factor.  They really are related.

I find myself passionately revisiting these principles for myself and my clients as I watch the new Debbie Ford movie The Shadow Effect and engage in dialogue about the shadow.  The world we currently live in is so very ripe for this message.  People waking up each day to jobs being less secure than ever, facing financial troubles never imagined in their lifetime, and a media industry that thrives on and fuels drama. No wonder we seem to be either whipped into a frenzy or totally numbing out because it is just too much.  It doesn’t have to be that way, though and the choices begin with a willingness to go inside and looking within yourself for the gifts, the answers, and the brilliance that is there in spite of it all.

If this conversation intrigues you and you are ready to have a conversation that will literally change your life for the better exponentially, contact me for a get acquainted chat.

Photo Credit: Flickr

Let’s face it, we all have difficult situations to face. We meet people who hold different views, styles, or opinions than us.  We experience unequal treatment or discrimination as a woman, a minority, an LGBT person, due to a disability, or simply because we view the world differently than someone else.  How well do you handle these situations?  Can you stand confidently in who you are and respond? Or, do you react impulsively and emotionally creating a trail of drama and destruction in your path ultimately sabotaging your best efforts?

Last week California Supreme Court Upheld Prop 8 which created untold complexities for many families.  I can only imagine how confusing it is for kids of the affected families. Some good tips on helping kids cope with Prop 8 were shared on Mombian.   Frankly the tips are pretty handy for people of any age.

Regardless of where you stand on the issue, the point is — it is one difficult and sticky situation.  That means that tempers flare, emotions run high, and people need to determine their best response individually and collectively.

What I know from Comfortable in Your Own Skin Coaching is that when you fully embrace your own self and emotions, you are in a more empowered and charge-neutral place to respond.  Note I said charge-neutral not lacking opinion, passion, or emotions.  Rather, the ability to respond fully, compassionately, and in alignment with who you are in a way that can be heard.  When arms are flailing and tempers are flaring, no one is listening.  Ever seen two people adamant and steadfast in their opposing views argue?  Who is listening to whom? No one…

So, today on the 4th Annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day, take a few moments to reflect upon how you handle difficult situations of all kinds and ask yourself — “How can I be more solid in who I am so that I am better able to relate and respond to those around me (those that share my views and those that don’t)?”

The other day I was reminded of how just an instant of dwelling on what has past can totally derail what you’re doing in the moment and in moments to come. It was one of those little microcosm moments where something small yields a big aha. Now it is not that I didn’t actually know this little fact but this little experience was a worthy reminder.

In my past I spent around 11 years studying classical guitar and I have spent even more years playing acoustic guitar on and off. I’ve had periods of years where it was serious study and others where I would play only when the mood moved me. Lately I’ve fallen somewhere in the middle and find myself playing because I want to, but more regularly because it allows me to immerse myself in a mindset and activity totally removed from my business and doesn’t require the cooperation of weather or time like my outdoor pursuits in nature do.

The other day I found myself playing a fairly difficult piece that I once played fluently. And, whether it is just amazing muscle memory from all those years of practice or simply my newfound more relaxed approach to all of this, I don’t know, but I was playing it fairly well. At one point, though I made a big mistake that surprised me and rather than let it roll instantly off of me, my mind tried to go back to that measure of music and figure out where the error occurred while I was still playing the rest of the piece. Well that did it. You just can’t keep moving powerfully forward if you are looking back and I thoroughly derailed myself. It was as if I had 40 fingers each wanting to do their own thing and I was like a rail car out of control and simply had to stop.

Now, the fact that I made a mistake is no big deal. I’ve come to learn (after about 15 years of being resistant) that it is just what happens and happens to everyone from beginner to master. The key is staying in the moment and not getting distracted by what has passed or worrying about what is to come.

Read the Rest of “Are You Letting the Past Sabotage You?”

That is the very question that bestselling author Debbie Ford tackles in her new book “Why People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy”. What I have always loved most about Debbie’s work

is that she goes straight to the heart of the matter and is so willing to go to the dark places and negative feelings we all have. I have had the honor of being trained as a coach by Debbie and her staff personally and to this day it remains one of the most pivotal experiences in my life. It wasn’t all fun and roses, though…it involved looking deep into those dark scary feelings within.

The reason we are our own worst enemy is that we don’t want to look at these parts of ourselves that we don’t like. Then, when we least suspect it – BAM! these disowned parts of ourselves start running the show and wreck havoc on our lives. We see it played out in the news all the time – Eliot Spitzer resigning as governor of New York, a local public figure engaging in unethical behavior, or yet another famous star doing something insane for the world to see.

And it plays out in our own lives on a regular basis too, we just often miss the signs or dismiss it. Sometimes it is small like dishonoring the commitments we make to ourselves, binging on dessert when we’re attempting to get to a healthy weight, or screaming at a loved one because they are an easy target; sometimes we really let things blow up on ourselves and it can be not too unlike the stuff we read about in the news.

Check out this recent clip of Debbie Ford on Good Morning America talking about her new book and using one of my favorite phrases “you can’t put ice cream on top of toxic waste” (although I prefer the “can’t put ice cream on top of poop” example she has given in the past.)

While it may be scary to look into those dark places and learn to embrace all of who we are, I can personally tell you the benefits are huge. I mean HUGE. For me personally it laid the foundation of being comfortable in my own skin.