So, who would willingly be blindfolded and sent into the woods with nothing to guide you other than a tiny piece of twine?  Why a handful of entrepreneurs who know that growing yourself and going outside your comfort zone is the key to breakthroughs in your life and business, that’s who, and I was one of them.

A few weeks ago while climbing trees in Kentucky on the afternoon of the second day we were told that we’d be doing an experiential exercise; that was the extent of the instructions.  Oh, and we were told to have shoes that we didn’t mind getting muddy.  Sounded innocent enough…Ha!

The experience began on a small peninsula at the lake of the property where we were staying.  Our instructions were simply to stay blindfolded and follow a tiny piece of twine through the woods. I figured I’ve been blindfolded before and led various places (no, my life doesn’t parallel some wild mysterious fictional book, it was on two different spiritual retreats) – how hard could it be? Hard, freaking hard! That’s how hard it could be. Let me explain…

I was at the front of the group (we were each separated by 6-12 feet for safety) and initially it went well. I was tuned into the heightened awareness of my other senses and able to confidently put one foot in front of the other following the twine and trusting in my instincts and my colleagues who created the course for us. I was feeling great, thrilled to be having this experience.  And then…

I fell in a  hole. Not a big hole, but a step into darkness that dropped a few feet off the path.  That little misstep was the beginning of what I call a total descent into hell – the hell of uncertainty, pain, and a mind playing nonstop terrifying tapes as I tried to keep moving forward.

Does this sound familiar? Maybe a few parallels to your day to day life? (was for me…)

From that point forward every painful thing I have experienced or been experiencing in my life came flooding through me like a tsunami and I was just a wreck.  Sobbing uncontrollably into my blindfold, stumbling around losing footing, sliding down muddy hills, walking into trees, trying to tie my shoes blindfolded as they kept coming untied, losing my hat and trying to find it blindfolded. I could go on.  I felt lost, alone, unsupported, and betrayed by people I trusted.  It was a very torturous and unproductive world that I was experiencing in my mind and I literally thought it would never end.

Sound dramatic?  Well it was… at least within my own experience.  Not unlike the way our daily lives sometimes unfold.

Eventually it did end but not until I slid down the final hill multiple times as I just could not find my way up and out no matter how I reached, no matter how I tried different things.  Thankfully a hand descended down the hill to pull my sorry self up after several failed tries.  Then I could finally sit under the tree I had chosen at the start of the exercise and just rest. For me the resting looked like a lot more sobbing, but clearly was what was meant to be. It is also amazing how beautiful and comforting the sounds of nature, in this case several songbirds, can be when you are feeling this way.  But, how often in daily life do we stop the drama to find that grounding? Another gift of the moment.

So what did I learn from this experience?

What Others See of Me is Different Than How I See Myself

I think this lesson is SO important and I work with my clients on this all the time. Sometimes I need a visceral reminder myself. While I was busy having drama, feeling lost, isolated, alone, and like a total loser, what others saw (there were 2 facilitators assisting and ensuring we all had a safe journey) was a confident, self-sufficient woman who was cruising through the course in the woods.  This couldn’t be further from the reality of the experience I was having or what I was feeling at the time.  The lesson I learned from this is:

1)      We’re often far too hard on ourselves than we need to be and all this projecting, worrying, and wondering what others will think is a total waste of energy specifically designed to keep us stuck.

2)      What we are feeling and experiencing is valid.  It is our experience after all. That said, do what is necessary to honor and learn from your feelings but don’t let them become your irrevocable truth without a little more curious exploration about them.

Don’t Go Down the Rabbit Hole

When I fell in that hole I just crumbled. My confidence went out the window and my mind chatter took me hostage. Rather than simply notice this misstep for what it was (simply a missed step), adjust, and keep moving forward fully present in the moment, I went down the rabbit hole of no return.  How many times in life or business does a small misstep come along and then boom, you’re back into doom, gloom, and doubt? The lesson I learned from this: If you step in a hole, see it for what it is and don’t let it take you and your mindset down. Learn from it, adjust, and keep moving forward toward what you DO want.

You Are Closer to Succeeding Than You Think You Are

On that last hill that I just could not get up, I kept reaching and trying new approaches but just couldn’t make it happen.  Afterwards I learned that I was literally a fraction of an inch from reaching a strong branch with which to pull myself up.  While I was in a pit of despair mud wresting with my monkey mind (literally!), I was literally THAT close to my goal.  The lesson I learned from this: Success is closer than you think and the difference between stuck and success is a matter of inches. Keep moving forward in trust.

People Can’t Read Your Mind and Can’t Help You if You Don’t Ask

It’s been a lifelong assumption of mine that people will someday just read my mind, know what I am feeling, see what I need, and just come flocking to me with endless love and support and all will be perfect.  Makes for a good animated film, but life doesn’t work that way.  No one knew what pain I was in or the experience I was having. They had no clue whatsoever.  Later that afternoon I reached out to one of my friends in the group for support and we had a long, loving discussion. It truly touched me and will remain a special gift in my heart for a long time. Her message and my lesson? Other people see me as a strong, capable woman (which I am!) and so when I am hurt or need love or support, friends don’t know how they can help because I don’t tell them (or ask for the help).  Such a simple truth, but then how many of you high achieving, talented women (and men) out there are reading this and do the same exact thing?  I know I’m not the only fiercely independent and stubborn one!

You Are Supported and Loved Even When You Feel All Alone

In our darkest moments when we feel most alone as well as during our everyday life when things are happening at lightning speed and we feel isolated and disconnected, we are loved.  As an entrepreneur it can be easy to feel alone when you work solo.  This sentiment was shared by our entire group.  For me personally I often struggle with feeling the love and gratitude of those I care about unless it is right dab smack in front of me in the room (and heck it took me years to learn open to it when it is right in front of me!). Then I create a big story about how that means I am all alone, nobody loves me, blah, blah, blah blah…cue the violins for the world’s biggest pity party for one.  But as I shared earlier our feelings are real and valid; they key is to use them to inform our experience rather than dictate it.  So if that is how you’re feeling, that is your reality.  Yet, with just a slight shift in perspective (also known as a miracle) the world opens up and you can know that you are loved and supported at all times…by those who care about you and on a deeper, more spiritual level as well.  Lesson I learned?  Reach out, Ask. Listen and feel the love that exists even when I am by myself. It is as close as the next heartbeat and as accessible as the next deep breath.

Ever experience these pitfalls even without being blindfolded and left wandering in the wilds?  Ready to learn how to transform them into gifts?  Contact me at http://www.thepaulagcompany.com/application and request a complimentary Intuitive Intelligence™ Activation Session.

This morning I heard a really great story told that illustrates ways in which we literally keep ourselves stuck.  Not just stuck as in “what a bummer”, but stuck as in whining and crying out in real bona-fide pain about how our life or business is unfolding.

Watch this quick 2 minute video, hear the story, and learn the solution.

What bugs you? Who really plugs you in? What quality in that person really pisses you off?

What if I told you that the very thing you hate holds a most important secret to your success?  That’s a pretty loaded statement I realize, but what I know from my own personal roadblocks and from coaching others is that the very things we can’t be with, won’t let us be.  It is damn near impossible to succeed when you are at war within yourself.  Imagine the ultimate tug-of-war happening right within your own mind and body.  Does that sound like some success strategy?  I don’t think so!  Yet so often we find ourselves living out this tug-of-war either consciously or unconsciously within us day after day after day.  And then we wonder why we’re not happy, not following our passions, or lacking meaning in our lives.

I have had this powerful visceral experience more than once in my life.  The one where I am just so resistant that smoke is coming out of my ears. Or I have such a righteous position that I can’t see straight.  Then all of a sudden something happens and Boom! it is like someone switched on the light in a dark room and woke me up.  Woke me up to what was really going on inside of me.  The reasons why I was being so resistant or righteous or stuck or whatever.  Usually because there was an underlying feeling or part of me that I didn’t like. So, instead I played stubborn or destructive or avoided it altogether which of course resulted in nothing but self-sabotage and tears of yet another goal or dream gone by the wayside. The instant I could shift my thinking and relationship with myself the obstacles in my path started to melt away.  The joy factor goes way up and not surprisingly so does the success factor.  They really are related.

I find myself passionately revisiting these principles for myself and my clients as I watch the new Debbie Ford movie The Shadow Effect and engage in dialogue about the shadow.  The world we currently live in is so very ripe for this message.  People waking up each day to jobs being less secure than ever, facing financial troubles never imagined in their lifetime, and a media industry that thrives on and fuels drama. No wonder we seem to be either whipped into a frenzy or totally numbing out because it is just too much.  It doesn’t have to be that way, though and the choices begin with a willingness to go inside and looking within yourself for the gifts, the answers, and the brilliance that is there in spite of it all.

If this conversation intrigues you and you are ready to have a conversation that will literally change your life for the better exponentially, contact me for a get acquainted chat.

Photo Credit: Flickr

Let’s face it, we all have difficult situations to face. We meet people who hold different views, styles, or opinions than us.  We experience unequal treatment or discrimination as a woman, a minority, an LGBT person, due to a disability, or simply because we view the world differently than someone else.  How well do you handle these situations?  Can you stand confidently in who you are and respond? Or, do you react impulsively and emotionally creating a trail of drama and destruction in your path ultimately sabotaging your best efforts?

Last week California Supreme Court Upheld Prop 8 which created untold complexities for many families.  I can only imagine how confusing it is for kids of the affected families. Some good tips on helping kids cope with Prop 8 were shared on Mombian.   Frankly the tips are pretty handy for people of any age.

Regardless of where you stand on the issue, the point is — it is one difficult and sticky situation.  That means that tempers flare, emotions run high, and people need to determine their best response individually and collectively.

What I know from Comfortable in Your Own Skin Coaching is that when you fully embrace your own self and emotions, you are in a more empowered and charge-neutral place to respond.  Note I said charge-neutral not lacking opinion, passion, or emotions.  Rather, the ability to respond fully, compassionately, and in alignment with who you are in a way that can be heard.  When arms are flailing and tempers are flaring, no one is listening.  Ever seen two people adamant and steadfast in their opposing views argue?  Who is listening to whom? No one…

So, today on the 4th Annual Blogging for LGBT Families Day, take a few moments to reflect upon how you handle difficult situations of all kinds and ask yourself — “How can I be more solid in who I am so that I am better able to relate and respond to those around me (those that share my views and those that don’t)?”

The other day I was reminded of how just an instant of dwelling on what has past can totally derail what you’re doing in the moment and in moments to come. It was one of those little microcosm moments where something small yields a big aha. Now it is not that I didn’t actually know this little fact but this little experience was a worthy reminder.

In my past I spent around 11 years studying classical guitar and I have spent even more years playing acoustic guitar on and off. I’ve had periods of years where it was serious study and others where I would play only when the mood moved me. Lately I’ve fallen somewhere in the middle and find myself playing because I want to, but more regularly because it allows me to immerse myself in a mindset and activity totally removed from my business and doesn’t require the cooperation of weather or time like my outdoor pursuits in nature do.

The other day I found myself playing a fairly difficult piece that I once played fluently. And, whether it is just amazing muscle memory from all those years of practice or simply my newfound more relaxed approach to all of this, I don’t know, but I was playing it fairly well. At one point, though I made a big mistake that surprised me and rather than let it roll instantly off of me, my mind tried to go back to that measure of music and figure out where the error occurred while I was still playing the rest of the piece. Well that did it. You just can’t keep moving powerfully forward if you are looking back and I thoroughly derailed myself. It was as if I had 40 fingers each wanting to do their own thing and I was like a rail car out of control and simply had to stop.

Now, the fact that I made a mistake is no big deal. I’ve come to learn (after about 15 years of being resistant) that it is just what happens and happens to everyone from beginner to master. The key is staying in the moment and not getting distracted by what has passed or worrying about what is to come.

Read the Rest of “Are You Letting the Past Sabotage You?”

That is the very question that bestselling author Debbie Ford tackles in her new book “Why People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy”. What I have always loved most about Debbie’s work

is that she goes straight to the heart of the matter and is so willing to go to the dark places and negative feelings we all have. I have had the honor of being trained as a coach by Debbie and her staff personally and to this day it remains one of the most pivotal experiences in my life. It wasn’t all fun and roses, though…it involved looking deep into those dark scary feelings within.

The reason we are our own worst enemy is that we don’t want to look at these parts of ourselves that we don’t like. Then, when we least suspect it – BAM! these disowned parts of ourselves start running the show and wreck havoc on our lives. We see it played out in the news all the time – Eliot Spitzer resigning as governor of New York, a local public figure engaging in unethical behavior, or yet another famous star doing something insane for the world to see.

And it plays out in our own lives on a regular basis too, we just often miss the signs or dismiss it. Sometimes it is small like dishonoring the commitments we make to ourselves, binging on dessert when we’re attempting to get to a healthy weight, or screaming at a loved one because they are an easy target; sometimes we really let things blow up on ourselves and it can be not too unlike the stuff we read about in the news.

Check out this recent clip of Debbie Ford on Good Morning America talking about her new book and using one of my favorite phrases “you can’t put ice cream on top of toxic waste” (although I prefer the “can’t put ice cream on top of poop” example she has given in the past.)

While it may be scary to look into those dark places and learn to embrace all of who we are, I can personally tell you the benefits are huge. I mean HUGE. For me personally it laid the foundation of being comfortable in my own skin.