Do you know what the one question you should never ever ask another entrepreneur is?

Can I pick your brain?

Ugh…

To me it conjures up an image of vultures swooping in on the road kill to pick, pick, pick on the carcass and then leave with the goodies.

Is that really the impression you want to make with fellow colleagues or potential service providers?

I thought not…

Now let me be clear that there is absolutely nothing wrong with connecting and conducting informational meetings.  In fact I encourage it highly. Informational interviews are a successful woman’s secret weapon.

But there’s a difference… and that difference is in the intention, expectation, and energy of the exchange.

Pick Your Brain comes from a place of:

• Wanting to extract your expertise for free without ever having to pay for your services?
• Solve my problem for me because I don’t want to take personal responsibility for my part.
• What can I get from you?
• Short-term in and out hit and run viewpoint.

That just oozes unpleasant exchange, doesn’t it? Yuck.

I firmly believe in connecting with people and sharing information.  I am truly grateful for the many people who helped me along my path when I was in exploration mode and new to something.  I have repaid the favor and paid it forward many times.  The way it is done is the difference between secret success weapon and vulture.

There are really two kinds of people who ever wish to pick your brain: potential clients and new entrepreneurs/entrepreneur want to be’s.  The rules of the road for effective and respectful information gathering are the same for both.

Respectful information gathering comes from a place of:

• Curiosity.
• Shared responsibility (this means you prepare for the exchange by doing your homework and limiting your informational inquiry to a short amount of time – 30 minutes max).
• Willingness to return the favor (even if the person is an established expert and you are a newbie a willingness to serve them in whatever way you can goes a long, long way).
• Long-term relationship building (no hit and run mentality).

That said there are some pretty basic rules for doing this the right way on both ends of the exchange.

If you are the one seeking information:

• Be prepared and do your homework.
• Honor the other person’s time.
• Recognize they make a living doing this; be willing to pay for and engage their services if it is a fit and appropriate.

If you are the expert:

• Give yourself permission to decline invitations that aren’t a fit or when your schedule doesn’t allow for it.
• Keep the discussion light and exploratory .
• Refer them to free resources you offer and other free resources on the web/local area first.
• Be willing and prepared to set and enforce boundaries around your time and knowledge..
• Make an invitation and ask for the business after an appropriate amount of time.  If it is a fit for what you do, communicate in no uncertain terms how you can help them and the next steps for engaging your services.

Remember, you own a business not a charity.  Even Lucy van Pelt in Peanuts charged $.05 for her advice.  I know I personally love to share information, content, and resources with people.  I am generous with my time and money.  Life and business is all about relationships.  Marketing is about opening a conversation.

And…

If you don’t advocate for your own value and business, who will?

If you’ve ever walked away from a “pick your brain” exchange feeling used, abused, and resentful, the only person responsible for that is – YOU.  You own the business, you choose how you spend your time, and you decide where to draw the line between a complimentary exchange and the time to directly ask for business.

So remember… go forth and connect. Just don’t ever ask, “Can I pick your brain?”

Are you ready to get paid what you are worth in your business?  Need to set and enforce stronger boundaries so you have more balance and a better bottom line?  Apply for a complimentary Intuitive Intelligence Activation Session at http://www.thepaulagcompany.com/application and start experiencing more freedom in your life and business.

Enjoy some other awesome voices on the whole pick your brain thing:

• “Please Don’t Ask to Pick My Brain” – The PR Lawyer
• “No You Can’t Pick My Brain It Costs Too Much”  - Forbes
• “May I Pick Your Brain? The Classic Freelance Quandary” – UrbanMuse

This might sounds like a stupid question…but…

Do you really want to realize and experience the things you dream about? The things you say you want? What you’ve been yearning for?

You are probably thinking, “Of course I do! What do you mean?! Why wouldn’t I?”

And, being the ruthlessly compassionate coach I am I’d say again…

Are you sure?

Here’s why I say that…and let me share something I know for sure by way of a story.  I was recently re-listening to a wonderful book of parable called The Alchemist by Paul Coelho. The book is about a young man Santiago and his quest for fortune, his Personal Legend, and the decoding of the Language of the World. It takes place in an unnamed time in the areas of Spain and Egypt. Along his journey, he learns from many wise teachers along the way…humans, animals, and from what they call the omens (which I’d translate to be intuitive hits or guidance from spirit).

During one part of his story he is working at a crystal shop with the owner, a man who has owned this shop his entire life and has many unfulfilled dreams.  The man talk about his dream, like that of many Muslims, is to make a lifetime pilgrimage to Mecca.  He goes on to say he never expects he will actually go and complete the pilgrimage because the time never seems right and how he is too old.

As the discussion continues the man makes the very wise distinction that I wish to share with you today.  And that is – the reason he never wants to complete the pilgrimage is because if he did, then what would he have to live for?  You see, there is a big difference between dreaming the dream and realizing the dream. He only wants to dream the dream because it is what he holds onto.  If he were to realize it, then what?  What would he have left without the dream?  Who would he be then?  What would he have to live for if the dream was suddenly gone (because it was completed)? And so he never takes action toward making his dream a reality.

What do you see in this story?  Does it ring true at all for you?

Ask yourself…do you really want to experience the dreams and goals you say you want?  Do you want them to be a part of your present experience?  Or is the “perpetual and forever just out of reach” promise of the dream what you live on?

There is no right or wrong answer here…just the truth, for you.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with loving the dream more than actually bringing that dream into your actual experience.  Just be clear that it is the fantasy of it that you want, not the actual experience itself.  Then, let yourself off the hook and release the lip service that you give toward actually doing something about it.  

On the other hand, if you find you actually do want to realize that dream, to bring that dream, that goal into your present time experience, then commit. Fully commit to whatever it takes to make it a reality for you.  Take action, take risks, get support, develop your inner game, and refine your skills….whatever it takes.

If you find you’re hitting obstacles, lacking motivation, or struggling…come back to those same questions:

• What will it mean to me to realize this dream?
• Who will I have to be to realize this dream?
• Once I realize it, who will I be then? What’s next? What’s left?
• And the dreaded… What will others think? What if someone doesn’t like me because of it, what then?

We are sold a bill of goods that dreams are just wonderful and if we wish upon a star and wait then everything will be like Disneyland… but that isn’t true.  It doesn’t work that way outside of the movies or a Disney commercial.

Dreams ARE wonderful AND they require action…and they require courage…and they require willingness….and most importantly they require us step up to the plate and do things differently. Now is the time to be truthful with yourself about what you really want and then get into action.

Do you have a long standing dream, desire, or goal that you want to realize but haven’t quite been able to make it happen? Not 100% clear on what that vision looks like?  Good news – the group program A New Lens on Life: Reinvent, Reinvigorate, and Rejoice in You begins January 17^th.  It is the perfect way to get into action with the support of a coach and a group. Visit http://www.anewlensonlife.com and register today!

Happy New Year!  I welcome this new year of 2012 with open arms and am energized about the possibilities. Yet, whenever someone starts talking about new year resolutions I cringe, the hair on my neck starts to stand up, and my insides want to prepare for battle.  The other day I started the year by attending a women’s networking meeting. As someone started talking about it being the time to get started with those resolutions I wanted to leap from my chair and scream bull!*$?!  Stop playing that mental game with yourself!

Why do I say this?  Well, first let me ask you…

• How many years now have you been making resolutions?
• How many of those resolutions have been fully realized?
• How many of your resolutions for the coming year sound exactly like the resolutions you made last year (and the year before that, and the year before that…)?

If you are truly honest with yourself this whole game of new year’s resolutions has been nothing but a silly game of psychological warfare with yourself perpetuated through the ages, right?  Something you say each year to feel better about yourself (for about a week or two) in an attempt to get motivated around something that you at  least say you want. There is something approximating an 88% failure rate when it comes to resolutions (and many resolutions don’t even make it out of January).  Why is that and why is making resolutions just a silly game in which you set yourself up for failure and feeling bad about yourself?

Willpower is a Depletable Resource

You cannot willpower your way to any lasting change.  It just isn’t possible.  It is not sustainable. The minute you are fatigued, distracted, or otherwise stressed mentally or physically, willpower goes out the window.  This is why it is so hard to resist all the cookies, donuts, and goodies at the holidays or at work when you’re running on low.  Willpower plummets and the quality of your choices goes out the window. Resolutions by their very nature (“resolve”) are based on willpower.

The Bar Is Set Too High

Resolutions tend to sound like sweeping changes and include huge promises that are doomed to failure by their very nature.  Big promises that entail radical changes are usually empty promises.  (Think: political rhetoric) Behavior change and true transformation requires a systematic plan of achievable and sustainable change. I don’t care who you are, you’re unlikely to go from one extreme to the other in any area of your life whether it is losing weight, redesigning your marketing plan, or meeting your income goals.

Goals are One Dimensional

To me goals have been abused, mistreated, and overrated.  We throw them out there like darts at a board. Sometimes we even get really fancy and make SMART goals (don’t even get me started).  The end result?  Often the same…a misunderstood end point that may or may not get you where you want to go and is likely to justify the end at the expense of the means (and your experience along the way). There is a better, more effective way to do this.

True Commitment is Lacking

Words and ideas are a dime a dozen.  In general as human beings we blow a lot of hot air with what we say.  It’s what we actually do that matters.  Words are cheap but actions speak loudly.  What you make time for and where you invest your money will give you a very clear picture of your priorities and commitments. Most resolutions are just hot air.

All said, the new year is still a great time to plan, vision, and begin to make the changes you most want to see. It’s just that if you want things to be different you actually have to do differently. Here are a few secrets that will have you putting the screws to resolutions and instead being in the 10% of people who actually will make lasting changes.

Bring Meaning to What You Desire

Don’t just say you want something, go beneath the surface.  Why do you want what you want? What will having, doing, or being differently give you that you don’t have now?  Without a connection to a deeper reason for change you will only be relying on willpower which will fizzle out.  A strong why fuels inspiration and energy that is sustainable over the long haul.

Set Intentions Not Goals

Intentions are multi-dimensional.  Far stronger than some goal you can truly paint a picture of what you desire by setting conscious intentions around not only the results you wish to achieve but also the inner experience you wish to have.  This is about who you are and how you do what you do as you move into action around what you want. And if you think this is just some airy fairy exercise that doesn’t hold up to the rigor of goal setting, you can and do break these down into specific and measurable parameters.

Create an Actionable Plan

You cannot climb Everest in a day (or even a month).  Think about how long it has taken you to create the situation you are in or how long you have had the specific habits you wish to change.  Do you honestly think that you are going to wave a magic wand and instantly create a new reality? It doesn’t happen that way.  While the decision can happen in an instant, the work takes time.

Truly Commit

Put your money, time and energy where you say you want to.  Align your intentions and words with your actions. And by all means stop lying to yourself by making excuses. What you are committed to speaks loud and clear.

Get Support

Don’t try to do it all alone. Whether you join a mastermind group, hire a coach, attend a support group, or enlist a small group of equally committed peers by all means tap into the power of being in community and in relationship to others.  The energy and support of others is a natural accelerator for results and provides built in accountability. We aren’t meant to exist in isolation.

So, what I most want for you is to ditch the resolutions and move forward into 2012 so you can create the best year yet in your life personally and professionally.

Need help getting clear on your vision? Want a plan and proven process that actually works to bring about what you want instead of more of the same?  Join a powerful and committed group for the A New Lens on Life: Reinvent, Reinvigorate, and Rejoice in You group program that begins January 17th.  Learn more and register: http://www.anewlensonlife.com

This post originally appeared on BlogHer.

In September, I released my first full-length published book titled Open to Your Intuitive Intelligence™: Reflections on Nature and Wisdom and to say I am excited is an understatement. Along the way I learned a great deal about what it takes to start and more importantly complete a project like this. Whether you are looking to publish as part of your business or for professional gratification, here are some lessons learned.

I had always wanted to combine my photography with the work that I do professionally. It had been a sparkle in my head for a long time. Yet, whenever I would start to entertain the idea I would run into nothing but resistance from people telling me it couldn’t be done. Too hard, too expensive to do full-color, no one will want to buy it, etc. I found this disheartening and for a long time I let it hold me back. That is, until I got the support of my entire mastermind group behind me. I just knew it could be done in a way that would work and serve the world. So I set about starting the project. From the get-go it was a very personal project to me. To be honest one of the reasons I really wanted to do it was to surprise my mother because she always loved my photos and my writing. However, during the process of creating this inspired project, she got ill and died. I really wanted to give up on the whole thing. Yet through the love of my mentor, friends, and colleagues I got back in the saddle and wrote.

You can read the entire story of my personal journey on my book’s website but I wanted to share with you some of the key things I learned about how to start and finish such a project.

Just Start

I waited a long time to get started. It was an idea I had in my head for years, yet I waited for someone else to tell me – get started girl! If you have an idea and a burning desire, just get started. You never know where it will lead or what form it’ll ultimately take, but you owe it to yourself to start.

Be Realistic

It is unlikely you are ever going to get rich from a book whether self-published or traditionally published. Therefore, do not throw out all your income producing activities to write it. That said…get down to business and write! Find yourself manageable chunks of time whether daily or weekly to focus on and move the project forward. For me it was a daily practice in wisdom. I didn’t do a whole lot on any one day (at least during the early stages) but I did keep at it. The journey of 100, 200, 300 pages begins with just a few words.

Do the Research

Finding the right way to publish my book so it was up to my standards of quality but actually cost-effective to produce was a journey. I tapped experts and colleagues who had been down this road before. Your project will likely look different than mine, but there is a far chance that someone has walked that road before you. Find them, Google them, and ask around. It takes time and homework to evaluate your options and yet it is a very necessary step if you plan on celebrating in the end instead of sitting at home with a lot of expenses out the door but nothing to show for it.

Pick Yourself Up When You Fall

I totally wanted to pack in the project after my mother got ill. I didn’t care about it any more. I sobbed a lot and then I sobbed some more. Luckily for me I had some dear friends and colleagues who encouraged me to come back to the project after the heaviest lifting of immediate grief was past. It took me about 9 months before I began again in earnest, but I DID. That is the most important lesson you can learn.

Get Support

I could never have done this project alone…on an emotional or practical level. Surround yourself with people – a coach, mastermind group, writer’s group – who will support you constructively and objectively, but lovingly. Then, when it comes time to kick it in gear for the final mile, invest in a good editor, designer, and any other support people you need to make a top notch product a reality.

Go the Extra Mile

I’ll be honest, the last mile or so to completion is difficult and long. Just when you think you are complete you are not. Deadlines get pushed, more edits show their face, and steps you didn’t even know you needed to complete show their face. It is absolutely worth it to keep persevering and put out a quality project. There is no such thing as perfection, but the little things do matter and quality is king.

So I’ll shout a big self-serving Yahoo! for my own completion…and now I want to hear your success stories, challenges, nightmares, or questions on my blog.

Credit Image: jacob-davies on Flickr

I recently spent ten days in the tremendous forests of Yosemite, Sequoia, and King’s Canyon National Park.  It is a sight to behold from the foothills through the alpine tundra.  The giant trees amaze, delight, and teach.  Integral to their story is the element of fire.  We often think of fire as a destructive force but in the forest it actually gives birth to new life.

In fact, it used to be that when a lightning strike started a fire, authorities worked to put the fire out.  That is no longer the case (although they may take steps to contain the spread of the fire).  What they’ve learned over the years is that a forest that has not experienced fire is not as healthy, inhibits new growth, and is actually a threat to the surrounding areas.  This is because when the floor of the forest is full of debris, new life cannot emerge because conditions do not support growth.

We can learn a great deal from the forest.  These lessons translate directly to what you and I do every day.  I love this great quote from John Muir:

“I met a great fire, and I stopped to watch it and learn what I could of its works and ways with the giants.”

Consider…

Where in your life, personally or professionally, is your environment so overgrown, cluttered, or full that it cannot support new growth?  New possibilities?  Healthy existence?

My guess is you could come up with a darn long list simply by looking through your schedule and your living/working space, right? Now take a look within your psychic space – how does your mind and body feel?  Clear and ready for new experiences and engagement or dying on the vine exhausted from the rat race?

If you feel stressed, constricted, or stagnant, this is a sign that your forest floor is in need of a change.

In the forest we now know that introducing fire where it is needed is a proactive step toward the overall health of the ecosystem and its inhabitants.  As a result, every year controlled burns are conducted in select areas. What that means is experts literally choose a portion of the forest in need of some natural housecleaning and new growth and they start a fire (on purpose).  They do this because they know transformation is necessary in order to ensure the optimal and long-term thriving of the forest and surrounding areas.

In fact, some trees like the Giant Sequoia can only grow if their seeds are released from their cone which only happens when subjected to extreme heat (fire).  The transformative power of fire is necessary for their birth and survival.

As I walked among the giants and pondered these truths, I was able to observe first hand areas in need of fire, those recently burned, and others filled with new growth.  As with many things in nature, the wisdom literally jumps out to say – and what are you going to do with this new knowledge? How does it apply to the way you move through the world?

I share this virtual walk through the giant forests with you so that you, too, can take a fresh look at your world.  My coach’s request is that you take a look around and ask:

• Where in my life or business do I feel restricted, constricted, and unable to grow and thrive?
• What needs to be released from my inner world or external circumstances in order for new possibilities to emerge?
• Where do I need to do my own “controlled burn” to release the old stuff that no longer serves me and clear the slate for something new?

Open your mind and heart to receive the messages you are meant to hear at this time.

Need support in getting clarity around what most wants to emerge in this next chapter of your life and then making that a reality now (versus waiting and hoping)?  Reach out to me at  and schedule a complimentary Intuitive Intelligence™ Activation Session and open to receive some powerful support.

Recently I had the joy of being interviewed by one of my coach and mentors, Leah Grant.  She and I worked together on a number of occasions over several years and she really helped me get started with my business and hone my skills as a coach.   That is why it was such a thrill to reconnect for this audio interview because we really got to talk about the ways in which my work has developed in recent years.  Our conversation goes in-depth about Intuitive Intelligence™ and how it can help the career professional and small business owner alike.

Whether you are just trying to discover the work you’re most meant to do in the world or yearning to successfully create your career and business in a way that feels authentic and delivers results, this interview will resonate with you.

Running Time: 30 minutes

I recently had the honor of spending a few days in the company of some fabulous women in rural Kentucky to climb trees as part of a business retreat.  Why the heck would I do this you ask?  Well, besides the fact that I would do just about anything to be in the presence of people I truly consider family in the deepest sense of the word, the reason I did this was because the opportunity to experience something new and grow beyond what I think is possible for myself was presented to me.  I’ve learned that the fastest path to growth, loving my precious moments on this earth, and avoiding regrets is to say YES to living fully.

So why choose to leave the supposed safety of terra firma and go vertical into the trees?  Well, first off I wouldn’t just undertake an adventure with just anyone.  This adventure was in the very capable hands and generous hearts of Shelly and Bill Byrne of EarthJoy.  (You can catch my recent podcast interview with Shelly to get a glimpse of what I mean.)  They are not only experts in climbing trees (very important details of course!) but truly shepherd you emotionally through a journey that is equal parts joy, terror, and curiosity.  There’s a bigger reason, a more personal reason why to climb a tree besides just reaching some goal like the next branch or a certain height.  This deep, personal reason of living into more of who you are and what is possible for you by connecting with nature is an area in which Shelly and Bill excel and is what sets them apart.  And, let’s be clear here… all the deep personal transformation notwithstanding, they make it damn fun.  It’s about being playful with yourself, the trees, and each other.

With this I want to share with you my lessons from climbing trees:

How Can I Make This Easier?

The natural first step is to try and muscle yourself upward.  Problem is, this doesn’t work (I know, I tried!)!  Unless you are some super-power, you can’t just defy gravity by forcing yourself vertically up a rope.  You might make it a short way, but you will tire quickly and find yourself in misery.  The secret lies in using momentum, body awareness, and the mechanics of the rope to move yourself effortlessly upwards.  Sure it still takes effort (this is climbing trees not couch-potatoing) but it is joyful, flowing, and ease-filled effort. It is poetry in motion and I can still feel the joy I felt as I was ascending so much more easily by the 3^rd day.  As a result, when I find myself struggling in my day to day life, surely I can ask, how can I make this easier?

Constantly Developing New Comfort Zones

Like anything else, once you’ve done it for a little while, you build skill.  You become more comfortable with movements, heights, and maneuvers that only a few minutes or hours ago felt foreign.  You start to make progress faster. You start to enjoy it more.  You ease into a new sense of what is “normal”. What seemed impossible just a few hours ago now makes total sense and feels more natural.  This is the nature of all personal growth. However to get to this experience you first have to move through terror and this is good.

Terror is Normal

It is normal to be terrified when you are hanging from a rope 10, 30, 60 feet or more off the ground.  Why wouldn’t it be?  Do you have a bird’s DNA? I didn’t think so!  Just like I developed new comfort zones throughout my time in the trees, each new “normal” was preceded by a bout of terror.  Just as I was starting to feel comfortable, I’d go a little higher, have to swing out to a branch, or be challenged by Shelly or Bill to try something new.  Sometimes without even consciously doing anything new I would feel terror overtake me as I glanced up or down or out at my fellow climbers.  One of my fellow climbers said it well, “I feel the need to swear! Is this normal?” This terror was almost always triggered by thoughts in my head that didn’t serve me.  This terror immediately could be felt in my body.  Deep breaths and my own willingness moved me forward into joy (until the next inevitable terror barrier!). The lesson? Accept terror as a natural part of growth and lean into it so you can move through it faster.

Creative Solutions Abound

I can still remember hanging near a branch listening to Bill tell me to swing out, catch it with my feet and stand up.  What?!? Is this man out of his mind?  Yet, with step by step instructions and a little help I was able to do it.  This shows me the power of possibilities and solutions that are available to me in every moment that I am simply not aware of yet. This is as true in my life and business as it is in the trees.  Don’t stop at “Are you kidding?! How could that be possible!?”; instead begin again at the next roadblock with “How can I?”

You Are Supported

In all my years, it has been rare that I have ever felt as supported as I did in these trees especially when climbing besides Shelly and Bill and alongside my “family”.  Support is always available to you on multiple levels at all times.  The tree itself was supporting me/all of us.  The ropes, the knots, the harness were supporting me.  Other people were physically and emotionally supporting me.  My own wisdom and divine guidance was supporting me.  The laws of the universe were supporting me. I felt fully present and fully supported even while walking through something totally new, often frightening, and absolutely exhilarating.

As it is in the trees, so it is in your life whether at work or at play. I invite you to take these lessons, connect with a tree (even if you don’t climb one), and feel the wisdom they have for you.

Want to apply these lessons in your own life to experience a radically more satisfying “new normal” personally or professionally? I can help – contact me for a complimentary Intuitive Intelligence Activation Session at http://www.thepaulagcompany.com/application and start loving your own life.

This morning I heard a really great story told that illustrates ways in which we literally keep ourselves stuck.  Not just stuck as in “what a bummer”, but stuck as in whining and crying out in real bona-fide pain about how our life or business is unfolding.

Watch this quick 2 minute video, hear the story, and learn the solution.

Today’s musing is on environments. Is your environment designed to support your expansion, your growth, your success? Or, is it acting like a strong gravitational pull that always draws you back to more of the same-old?

I was watching the recent on-air interview reconciliation between Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant (a former protégé of Oprah’s who vanished from the TV scene eleven years ago) and have to say I was shocked. Shocked but not surprised that even two powerful, successful women who are each spiritual leaders in their own right fell prey to the unintended consequences that come when communications are incomplete and assumptions are made. When the lack of full confidence in who you are sets you up for disaster.

• Have you ever had an important conversation with someone and then seen it blow up in your face?
• Spoken your truth in a way that was not received by the other person the way it was intended?
• Wondered why something so good suddenly went bad or vanished without a trace leaving you scratching your head and saying, “what happened?”

It’s painful. I know because I have experienced this numerous times in my life. I’ve lost important relationships that caused me great pain and loneliness even though in hindsight I knew they were meant to fade away. I’ve had my chutzpah handed to me on a platter when I’ve enthusiastically spoken up in professional settings in a way that could not be received. I’ve had to heal relationships when what was intended and said was not how it was received.

It hurts; it can sabotage your success, and can cost you time and energy healing relationships that you never had any intention of damaging in the first place.

So what can you do differently? That’s where the lessons illustrated beautifully by this television interview come in.

During this no-holds barred exchange both women showed us what it means to be powerful in your own vulnerability. It was oh-so-clear how misunderstandings can occur and on a grand scale and how both pain and purpose result. Here’s what stood out for me as important lessons:

Confidence is an Inside-Out Job
One of the most touching moments in this interview was when Iyanla said that she thought the world only wanted the work and not her(as a person). Even with all the poise, confidence, and verve that were her signature teaching style on the inside she was still feeling “not enough”, that someone would want her just for being her and not what she could do for the other person. Make no mistake that this pain was at the heart of the misunderstood communications and lost opportunities that followed. When you feel not worthy or “less than” you cannot command your power.

Incomplete Communications and Assumptions Create Train Wrecks
When only part of the story is told or able to be received communication is incomplete. When assumptions are made the very premise of understanding is skewed. It’s like viewing something through a fun-house mirror of glass. You can never assume what someone else’s experience is like. You can empathize and seek to understand, but you truly can never know what it is like for someone else. This is where powerful questions and inquiry make all the difference in getting to clear, mutual understanding.

Both Pain and Purpose Flow from Difficult Circumstances
Inevitably pain flows from painful circumstances. It’s obvious. What often takes time to see clearly is the purpose and meaning that flows from them as well. There is always a reason we are experiencing what we are, even if it not clear to us. Usually it can be clear in hindsight and sometimes the clarity never comes. Yet it is up to you to make your mess into an opportunity to grow and be more purposeful.

Reach Out for Reconciliation
If you feel called, reach out. Be willing to be vulnerable and reconcile by cleaning up incomplete communications. Even if the other party is not willing or able to reconcile with you, you can do what you need to do in order to release and forgive (especially forgiving yourself). Without forgiveness you forever drag a lead anchor around with you that keep you stuck in the past in a negative way. You cannot move forward effectively with one foot stuck in the past.

Our Humanness Levels the Playing Field
While the show focused on this very high-profile situation, at the end of the day it is the beauty in our brokenness and our humanness that unites rather than divides us. No amount of money or success could protect these women from the emotional impact of what happened. So, while this misunderstanding profiles the high stakes of the television industry, a media mogul, and spiritual teacher the same type of situations play out every day in workplaces, business relationships, and households across the globe. In your life and in mine. It is what we do with them that makes all the difference.