Your Big BUT is in Your Way

Excuses Holding You BackYes you read that right…your big ole BUT is in your way.

Note: Before you get offended, particularly if you’re skimming this article – notice I did not add a second T in BUT!

Your BUT is in the way of having the:

  • Life you REALLY want personally and professionally
  • Prosperity you deserve (more profitability, more money, more time, more love, more peace…)
  • Experiences you yearn for

Why is your BUT the culprit?  Because when you say something and then put a BUT in the middle of the sentence you essentially negate everything that came before it. Instead you give power and affirmation to your excuses and everyday reasons for why you can’t have what you want. This keeps you in more of the same-old and stuck like sap on your favorite pair of blue jeans.

For example…

I really want to make more money and be profitable in my business BUT I couldn’t possibly charge what I’m worth.  (Meaning of this sentence? I can’t charge what I’m worth).

I wish I could take more time away to do the things I really want to do (have fun, adventures, travel, just chill out) BUT my business and to-do list is holding me hostage. (Meaning of this sentence? I allow my business and to-do list to run my life and refuse to choose something different.)

I really need to get organized and focused BUT I ever seem to have the time to get around to it. (Meaning of this sentence? I choose to stay busy and distract myself rather than face what IS.)

Get the point? When you put your big BUT forward you stand proud in your justifications as to why you can’t have what you want; why things can’t be different.

Believe me I am not preaching from on high here. I used to have the biggest BUT in the land.  I mean really, really BIG. There was a time where I could barely spit out a few sentences without throwing my BUT around.  I had a realistic reason for why things were the way they were and why I could never create what I wanted.  I had an excuse for everything. I could lead every conversation with a litany of reasons and examples as to why something could never possibly work.

Do you know where that got me?

Absolutely nowhere.  I experienced more of the same and usually things got worse (more chaotic, more things went wrong, more misery).  In the process I also managed to alienate some of the closest people in my life.  I lost friendships, my relationship went on the rocks, and I frankly felt like the only saving grace to all this would be to get a terminal illness.

I am not kidding here.  To say my glass was half empty is an understatement. Let’s try half empty with a hole in the bottom.  It was not attractive, not productive, and while I like to believe it made me feel better in a righteous way, it actually made me feel desperate and hopeless.  And let’s remember for context here, we’re not talking about my hiding in a corner languishing during this period of my life. I was out there, succeeding in the workplace and achieving ongoing goals.  I was getting promoted and increasing my earnings.

BUT the bottom was falling out.  (See how I just used BUT effectively?)

So, how about you?  Where in your life are you letting your BUT get in the way?  Does it show up when you go to networking events? Set and communicate your prices?  Want to take time to do something you love?

No one is immune to the big BUT. We’re human. However, you can learn to undo its damage.

Here’s my coach’s request to you:

1)     Be on the lookout and start noticing where your BUT shows up.

2)     When it does show up, replace your BUT with an AND.  AND opens to possibilities and allows both realities to be true at the same time.  I really want to take that trip to Italy AND I am in the process of determining how I can make that happen.

3)     Notice what happens when you start to call yourself out on your own excuses and open to possibilities.

Then start to enjoy the process of getting more aligned with your authentic self and what you really want. You’ll find that all the things you want to create start to happen more frequently and with less effort.

Need help getting out of your own way (You can’t see what you can’t see!)? I can help you break free of the tyranny of your own BUT… AND in order to do that, you need to take a step?  That step is to contact me for an exploratory conversation today.

Photo Credit:Valerie bb via Flickr

Do You Really Want to Realize Your Dreams?

Realize Your DreamsThis might sounds like a stupid question…but…

Do you really want to realize and experience the things you dream about? The things you say you want? What you’ve been yearning for?

You are probably thinking, “Of course I do! What do you mean?! Why wouldn’t I?”

And, being the ruthlessly compassionate coach I am I’d say again…

Are you sure?

Here’s why I say that…and let me share something I know for sure by way of a story.  I was recently re-listening to a wonderful book of parable called The Alchemist by Paul Coelho. The book is about a young man Santiago and his quest for fortune, his Personal Legend, and the decoding of the Language of the World. It takes place in an unnamed time in the areas of Spain and Egypt. Along his journey, he learns from many wise teachers along the way…humans, animals, and from what they call the omens (which I’d translate to be intuitive hits or guidance from spirit).

During one part of his story he is working at a crystal shop with the owner, a man who has owned this shop his entire life and has many unfulfilled dreams.  The man talk about his dream, like that of many Muslims, is to make a lifetime pilgrimage to Mecca.  He goes on to say he never expects he will actually go and complete the pilgrimage because the time never seems right and how he is too old.

As the discussion continues the man makes the very wise distinction that I wish to share with you today.  And that is – the reason he never wants to complete the pilgrimage is because if he did, then what would he have to live for?  You see, there is a big difference between dreaming the dream and realizing the dream. He only wants to dream the dream because it is what he holds onto.  If he were to realize it, then what?  What would he have left without the dream?  Who would he be then?  What would he have to live for if the dream was suddenly gone (because it was completed)? And so he never takes action toward making his dream a reality.

What do you see in this story?  Does it ring true at all for you?

Ask yourself…do you really want to experience the dreams and goals you say you want?  Do you want them to be a part of your present experience?  Or is the “perpetual and forever just out of reach” promise of the dream what you live on?

There is no right or wrong answer here…just the truth, for you.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with loving the dream more than actually bringing that dream into your actual experience.  Just be clear that it is the fantasy of it that you want, not the actual experience itself.  Then, let yourself off the hook and release the lip service that you give toward actually doing something about it.   [Read more…]

How to Prioritize When Everything is a Priority

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